Okay, so maybe I lied...
I have friends. I have people I talk to in each and every class I have. I have three plus friends who are on my bus. I have friends.
But the problem is...well, maybe me, maybe them, and maybe both. I guess they're not my real friends though. Because I have almost no classes with my said best friends (with the exception of Adriana). Maybe I mange to pull off the front I want. Tough, violent Torii is really hiding behind something. And it's called lies and violence.
When ever someone pisses me off, I hit them. When ever I feel I'm being ignored, I lie for attention. [Oh she's not bleeding on the floor just for the attention because thats ridiculously on-Panic At The Disco] Maybe I'm as bad as I was in fourth grade, lies dripping off me tongue to get rid of the 'new girl' label.
But then, maybe it's the people I'm around. Not my said best friends afore mentioned in the pervious entry, but the other people in my class. I always feel I have to act differently to be accepted to be their friend. I know what you're thinking 'If you have to change to be their friend, then its not worth it.' I know, I seriously do. But I WANT to be their friend because I'm so...different around each person, in the end I accept it as a part of me and then it becomes me, no longer a facade for them. It becomes me. And I feel a connection with them. [Example: I watched Rumor Has It, Bring It On Again: All Or Nothing, and Jackass Number Two. No connection between them at all.]
Maybe that's just me being judge mental. I don't know. I'm starting to feel hollow and numb. And I'm scared. I don't want to be numb, I don't want to be hollow. I want to feel things, real feelings.
Help me...
But the problem is...well, maybe me, maybe them, and maybe both. I guess they're not my real friends though. Because I have almost no classes with my said best friends (with the exception of Adriana). Maybe I mange to pull off the front I want. Tough, violent Torii is really hiding behind something. And it's called lies and violence.
When ever someone pisses me off, I hit them. When ever I feel I'm being ignored, I lie for attention. [Oh she's not bleeding on the floor just for the attention because thats ridiculously on-Panic At The Disco] Maybe I'm as bad as I was in fourth grade, lies dripping off me tongue to get rid of the 'new girl' label.
But then, maybe it's the people I'm around. Not my said best friends afore mentioned in the pervious entry, but the other people in my class. I always feel I have to act differently to be accepted to be their friend. I know what you're thinking 'If you have to change to be their friend, then its not worth it.' I know, I seriously do. But I WANT to be their friend because I'm so...different around each person, in the end I accept it as a part of me and then it becomes me, no longer a facade for them. It becomes me. And I feel a connection with them. [Example: I watched Rumor Has It, Bring It On Again: All Or Nothing, and Jackass Number Two. No connection between them at all.]
Maybe that's just me being judge mental. I don't know. I'm starting to feel hollow and numb. And I'm scared. I don't want to be numb, I don't want to be hollow. I want to feel things, real feelings.
Help me...
