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Holy Shi- ©_@
real emotion.
how is it real
this pain that i feel
and would you tell me
if you knew?

when will you see
this pain thats inside me
and when will you view
the inner dark

because i see
you dont love me
you dont care what
happens to me
your god damned soul
will burn in hell.






User Comments: [4]
Om-Nom-Nom OwO
Community Member





Mon Jan 15, 2007 @ 03:28am


This one kinda scares me. Xp
But I can feel the emotion behind it.
Prolly cause I've felt that way before too. :


MissBella
Community Member





Tue Jan 30, 2007 @ 12:50am


i like it!
and i get what the meaning behind it is!
i can tel you right now that your a good poet!
i hide things inside your poems, or songs!
like messeges that creap up against you....
i want to read more!


Sadie-Lover
Community Member





Tue Nov 20, 2007 @ 08:27pm


(Quick Edit: Don't use the word And!)

"how is it real"
Could sound a bit better with something like: Too much is this,

"and would you tell me"
Might sound a bit better with something like: Would you trust me.
or How would you see me.

"when will you see"
This could be: Why can't you see.
or: Can you feel.

"you dont care what
happens to me" Maybe change this to: You don't care what is happening to me.

Don't get me wrong it's a nice poem.
I was just telling you what I would do to it.
=)


JonnehXYZ
Community Member





Tue Nov 20, 2007 @ 10:24pm


None of those changes you made fit with the beat of the song, saz. :]
Yes, it's actually a song I wrote, not a peom. XD


User Comments: [4]
 
 
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