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So Jeremy and I dated for two months. Everyone thought I was gonna marrie him. Hell, even I thought so. But then the goddess brought in someone beautiful in my life to bring me back into a reality. An Earth element by the name of Dustin Riach. I never actually physcially contacted him, but his spirit and his beauty pulled me out of the hell that was Jeremy Compton. Now before you you think I dumped jeremy because of Dustin, let me let you in on a few things. Dustin at the time was only a reminder of what my heart really wanted. He wasn't even that important. Back then I didn't even know the dudes' name, and I just referred to him as the bishi that bowled on Sunday nights. But that is besides the point, as Dustin was only the starting point of my irritation at the thought of marrying Jeremy. Soon, many things feel into my hands that confused me all to hell; they confused me to the point that they eventually began to make sense as I found myself analyzing the situation with some close friends. But when it came down to dumping him, one of these close friends slowly turned against me, and convinced another really good friend of mine that I was messed up. They mostly found it messed up that I dumped Jeremy on his birthday and dropped the friendship completely, while admitting in a very mean way everything I could not stand about him. I'll admitt, the way I went about it wasn't the most mature. It was messed up, though I didn't intentionally want to break him on his birthday, I did break his heart. Yes, it was messed up because broken hearts really suck a**. But what I find funny is they say I am this totally messed up and unstable person because of the way I dumped him, but they don't turn around and say that anything Jeremy did was messed up. I am going to right now list all things that I found messed up about Jeremy.

1. I found it messed up that he never called. No matter how many times I told him to give me a ring once in a while, he instead would play on his PS2 or call Mario. Fine, it's ok to do those things. But once in a while it's nice to hear a " hello, I care about you," from my signifigant other. It wasn't nice that he would call Mario and bother to communicate with Mario more than he wanted to communicate with me,and then use the excuse that he was afraid of telephones. That is messed up.

2. I would find myself envious of the little girls that were pictured on the walls of his room. They were these cute little girls from anime. And then once tiem I found myself filled with envy when the two of us sat in the tech lab and Jeremy was looking at all these girls in cosplay outfits. I found myself jealous of all the flat-chested, prepubescent girls for some unknown reason. Perhaps I sensed a bit of ***** in my presence coming from my BOYFRIEND!!! So when your bf/gf seems to admire small children a lot more than you, that's pretty messed up.

3. I would often find myself getting upset at times and Jeremy would be there in my presence. I would stomp out of the room in anger in order to collect myself. I would wait for him to follow, perhaps wondering what was wrong, but instead he would feel sorry for himself and cry like a self centered little emo. Perhaps I was expecting too much, but to have a boyfriend who focused on himself and never his girlfriend, and I mean NEVER his girlfirend? That's pretty messed up.

4. He was the most selfish person on Earth. Look at one and three.

5. Often times I did the inviting. I made sure to invite him everywhere society would allow. I let him meet my family and my friends, and I invited him to my school, to my dad's wedding and a play that my family went to see. The only time he actually brought himself out of his selfish little world to invite me anywhere was when...oh my god...he wanted to go to game stop to pic up HIS copy of Final Fantasy 12. That' s pretty messed up.

6. Oh, did I mention i invited him to my dad's wedding? I told him he didn't have to go, I sware. I even warned him about it taking place in a church, a Catholic church. I warned him about being uncomfortable. I tried to talk him out of it and I didn't know why. But now that I look back, I know why now. Because he sat there in the ******** pew with this sour look on his face filling the entire room with darkness. Why? Because he was at a church. Oh wah. When i said it was wedding AT A CHURCH, he new damn well enough what it meant. He had no right to do something like that on the happiest day of my dad's life, and my dad use to be close like glue. That just pissed me off. Not to mention he did the same thing at the play I invited him too over the fact that he was at our old high school. Boohoo. If it was such a problem to be in those places, then he and his messed up a** did not have to show up.

7. I noticed that Jeremy had an obsession with trying too hard not be like a guy. He would put himself on a pedistal and act as if he was the cleanest most purist guy around. He did not think about sex, he did not lust after the opposite sex, and he did not masterbate. He had control over his sexuality. He hated being a man because it meant he had to think about sex. He would say that he had control, so I shouldnt' worry. Ha! That made me worry even more. Why, because I think about sex and it's not like I can't ******** defend myself. Not to mention he thought sex was sooo ******** wrong! That attitude rubbed off on me and I didn't like having that attitude. It was so sexually draining to be with him. I got sick to my stomache because I was so disgusted. What disgusted me even more was when he would make a complet turn around and somehow know something about pleasing women that most sexually active guys know. Like he somehow has the idea that it's easy to unhook a bra, and somehow he seems to think he is strait. That's pretty messed up.

8. Even if Jeremy had a sexual side, I would not do it with him in a million years. It may seem shallow and very rude of me, but he smelled. The guy didn't even take care of himself. He wants a job, yet he won't take a bath or make himself look half way decent when he knows that Target will interview him right away. He wants to kiss a girl, yet he won't brush his teeth. He complains that people think he's ugly and yet he won't do anything to improve himself. This attitude even eminated in my own self for the time i was with him. I would let myself go, often going a couple days without a shower. My mom said that I stank when I did that. When a boyfreind makes you feel that you have to take care of yourslef less, and when he doesn't take care of himself, that is not good. Even in Christianity, it is a sin not to take care of yourself. It is an insult to God because you are trashing somehing that he took the time to create. Even in Wicca it is wrong to not take care of yourself. To let yourself rot is like committing suicide. Your not giving yourself a chance be as beautiful as you can be. What a waste. I don't need that kind of attitude in my life.

9. The most messed up thing about Jeremy tops all the above reasons by a million. It peeves me to this day and I still laugh my a** off about this. HE WAS THE BIGGEST PHONY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! That self righteous crap he pulled drove me insane. He would make like he was truly a good guy who didn't think about sex, when in reality he would pop a ******** boner when I would sit in his lap. Sure i got him to admitt it, but the boasting about self control still prevailed. He acted as if he had no resentment toward anyone in order to get me to feel guilty when I did. he pretended to have to feelings and pretended as if he never got angry. Around me he acted all happy and crap. Even my little sister was disturbed by this. He would act as if he was happy to see me and that he missed me, when he would never make an effort to call me or see me. He posed as if he was hard core and all that crap, and he would ******** try to be like ME! And he claimed he wasn't gay when he payed more attention to Mario than he did me. In fact, he would completely ignore me. He claimed to be so balanced in light and dark, and yet he turned around and filled the entire congregation with darkness at my dad's wedding. He is full of bullshit and I know a fake when I see one.

Sure, all these reasons may not be reasonable to certain firends. To these freinds I am selfish, messed up and evil becaue I feel this way. They look at all my faults and think I am a bad person jsut becuase I take my jokes too far, express my anger toward people, and enjoy attention. But unlike Jeremy i don't deny my faults. I don't deny that I am crazy and that I am an attention whore. I don't deny being one of chaos and destructiong. I am proud to say that I am an attention whore. i am proud to admitt that I am pyro maniac who loves to carry on jokes for a long time. So I have a cruel sense of humor, but at least I can turn around and have a sense of humor. And so I have bad vibes...only because most don't understand chaos. At least I am honest about myself. Jeremy on the other hand palyed like there was nothing wrong with him as a front and did the very thing he tried to avoid; be what society wanted him to be. He claimed to be this rebel with a cause, but I saw him as just another cookie cutter cut copy of the average guy hidden behind a sickly, D&D nerd who said he loved me. I on the other hand am a rebel. Not to make any point or try to set the world strait, but because I follow my heart. So what if people like those two firends can't stand it. I know I have plenty who love me for it. And to a point, I may just be out there to prove to the world that following your heart is the best way to go. But even still, it's not like I care. Messed up? yes. Sadistic. Possibly. Evil. Perhaps in your perception. But when i thourgh someone out of my life and burn them to a crisp, it's usually for good reason, not just becuase I am a sadistic, immature, phsychotic b***h.