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So is sad when you realize something after a few years that seems, even though it doesnt really effect you as much now, is still extremely sad?

Ok so a little bit of background story why dont you. I hate my father. My childhood i find out later is my mother being pushed around and my dad never paying for anything cause he "didnt have any money" but could buy anything for my step brother. He has always, even now after the divorce to his step wife, cares about his step sons more than me because for the pure fact that they are guys.

Just to name one of the things he has done, he left me at the bottom of a water park by myself after taking me across state lines without my mom knowing to a giant amusement park. Six Flags. So i was there for over 45 minutes at the minimum all alone, sitting there are the age of maybe eight to ten, where i could haev easily been kidnapped and never seen again. He had gone up, knowing I hate water rides, with his step wife and kids, leaving me behind yet again.

Well I thought about it tonight while I was taking a shower, and i dont know why the thought came into my head, but I cant remember. I can not remember a single time I got a hug from my father until the day we were leaving and my mom told my dad to get out of the house, after the divorce, and when they still were together when there was a photo opportunity. and the only reason i remember the last one is because of the pictures i had seen, which i dont have anyone by the way.

So, I guess that even though I havent seen him in maybe two years, or more besides him coming to my grandfather's funeral to ask me to go to my step brotherse wedding a year and a month from then. But still, it seems kind of sad.