|
Why now?
'Cause I'm pissed.
Why?
Because sometimes... it just hits me out of the blue. >.>
... Dx
I want to rant so badly right now. xD I just want to go on and on... but then I realize... I don't have anything to rant about. xD
>.>
Dear person I shan't mention...
Currently, I hate your guts. xD But that's simply because you've managed to mess me up yet again~ ^^
I don't hate YOU. I just hate what you DO. Major difference. &.& I don't even understand how you manage to be such a b***h... then try and convince that I'm the one deserving of that title. Dx
I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. o.o
Plain and simple. You make absolutely no sense. Sorry to break it to you. But every last word that you use as an excuse... it's like trying to read my brother's handwriting. xD Not understandable. o.o Nothing you say ever applies to anything. >.<
Like... you go on and on about my problems like it's a concern to you. xD I'm a ******** b***h, I have a slight anxiety disorder! I'm a ******** idiot, I think the entire worlds against me! Why don't I just open my eyes to reality already?! GOSH. o.o What the ******** is my problem?
If it's the reality you live in, my friend, I rather keep mine, thanks.
Oh, here's a question! What the hell does that have to do with anything. xD Oh, I know! Let's find more ways to make her hate herself! Let's freaking throw rocks at her until she falls from the sky. Then! Yesh, there's more! We stomp her into the ground and bury her six feet under! xD And after all this... if she doesn't crawl back to me, she's a b***h.
And I haven't crawled back to her. o.o Guess I'm a b***h. ^^
Oh, you know what's really fun? When you go on about how you know me oh so well. But the only qualities you ever express are the bad ones. o.o You don't know much about me at all. xD You just see my flaws, and stretch them. And you share them with everyone. xD It's all... "OH, WE CAN TRUST EACH OTHER SO WELL, YOU'RE LIKE MY BEST FRIEND!"
...
Then you never tell me a word about your REAL life and use everything I've ever said against me. ^^ Damn, how do you define 'best friend' anyway? Is that the person you can take the most advantage of? xD Or the person you find the weakest... the person you can break the easiest?
And there's another point! I never knew you. You put on an act for me. xD You put on an act for everyone. o.o Does anyone really know you at all? Hey, do you even know yourself? Or are you just a hollow b***h. <.< How do you fill that emptiness anyway? xD
Something I quote from Elfen Lied. >.>
"Miserable people need even more miserable people to feel better..."
Or something like that. xD
Maybe... you fit that very well. xD But hey, I don't know you at all. xD A glimpse of this person you've 'become'... in the sense of, who you hid and I just came to realize... seems to be someone so unfeeling. xD You seem so empty. You probably think you have a really ******** up life, while you're off in 'dream-love-love' land. xD With your boyfriend who's just as shallow as you at times. xD You both lie to each other, you know. >.> Everytime you catch yourself lying to him... remember he's doing the same. xD And though it seems he's the only person you can trust, you know that it's really, he's who you can trust the least. xD
But I'm not going to get into things between you and him. >.> I'm not around too much and all I can really judge it on is stories from various people. But I'll let you know that you, yourself, make it sound bad at times. xD
So, you want my side of the story already? Will you even ever come across this journal entry? Would you bother reading this far? xD Nah, don't think so.
I know everything I said will sound like complete B.S. to you. <.< Simply 'cause you are so strung up on how right you are. xD But you know, if you really cared at all, maybe you would have spoke to me?
Oh yesh yesh! xD I love how you rant about how much you hate me to everyone and everything. xD How you haven't said a word to me about it. Not once. xD Not a SINGLE WORD. o.o Just one day, I became 'the b***h'. xD YOU'RE A COWARD. <.< Everytime you're pissed off at me, you never say it to my face. Instead, you rant somewhere you know I can find it. Keep calling me a b***h. xD I don't give a s**t about that anymore, since here I am, bitching about you.
Hey! Remember all those times you broke me? xD I mean... as in... all those times you made me think you hated me. xD Everytime I found something online that ranted about how terrible I was. xD And what would I do? I'd pretend I never saw it. xD I'd avoid you for a couple of days... then pretend it never happened, just like you would. xD I CRAWLED back every time. You push me down, and I'd ******** crawl back. xD
You want to know why? Because even if you treated me like s**t sometimes... you were the only person who really accepted me at first. xD Of course, that's not true at all. 'Cause I know now, all along you were thinking terrible things about me. xD Pretending there was acceptance, when really, you would just go find someone later and rant about how terrible I am, too them. <.<
I considered you my BEST friend. <.< And I realize now, how insulting that is to my other friends. xD I hate to sound terrible... but compared to all my other friends... you honestly qualify as worst. >.<
You like to tell me that I used you. <.< But you were the one PRETENDING to be my friend. xD You were the one who never even liked me. You TOLERATED me. You PUT UP with me. You acted like I was actually worth your time. xD
You use everyone for you own sake in the end. >.>; It has nothing to do with friendship. &.& It has nothing to do with anyone but YOU. So you find the weakest of people. xD People who are alone, people who you know want a PLACE. o.o And you give them one. ^^ And all throughout their devotion to you, you're slowly toying with their feelings. And over time, feelings ware out like toys. xD And they just break. Thus, you're done with this person. Ditch their a**, make up stupid excuses as to why, and convince everyone else that they are absolutely terrible.
Because people revolve around you. xD People eat, sleep, and breathe you. o.o You are their everything at one point. xD How do you do it? You probably don't even know. xD People are just attracted over to you. 'Cause from a far, you can seem like such an awesome person. xD But you should have caution signs. <.<
'Caution: Get to close and prepare to be broken in ways you never imagined.' xD
...
I was supposed to start my side of the story... but it's so hard to stop ranting about you. xD
Okay.
You're side of the story is something like...
"She ditched me; she broke the pact; she's a b***h; she used me; she has major issues..."
Correct me if I'm wrong. xD
My side of the story starts like this. >.>
This is absolutely nothing new. xD Since the very beginning, you've gone back and forth from me. One moment you're the best friend ever. xD The next, you don't talk to me for three ******** months. >.>
And everytime that happens, I somehow get blamed.
You say I never bothered to talk to you. xD But hey, did you ever bother to talk to me? Umm... let me think... umm...
Oh right. >.> No, you idiot.
You say I put no effort into this relationship. xD WHAT KIND OF s**t IS THAT?! I used to ******** say hi to you right as soon as you signed onto MSN. xD And here's how all our conversation's went:
Me: Hello. How are you?
You: Hi, I'm fine. You?
Me: I'm fine~
*no more messages from you*
You know what impression that gives when it's like that every damned time I'd try to talk to you?
"******** OFF, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU!"
So you know what? Eventually I gave up. ^^ Sorry about that, but I was just tired of it. o.o I took your hint and walked away. xD
So why do you always expect me to start? You go on and on about how I only ever bothered to talk to you as a last resort and s**t. xD But you never bothered to start a conversation eventually. xD
But I'm a b***h for it! I'm a b***h for giving up because you silently told me to ******** off. You though. You are the victim here. Yet you never bothered either?
See, this is why nothing you say makes sense. xD YOU don't make sense.
But as I've already stated. You think this is all lies. xD You think I'm overreacting. xD You think YOU'RE right. Nothing can change your mind ever.
And as I've stated. You've never said anything to me about it once. Not once. xD You just b***h at everyone else about it, and drop off hidden meanings in your profile comments. xD And you ******** blocked me! xD
What the hell? b***h at me for not talking to you, then block me so I can't... and b***h about it some more. xD
You noticed I haven't bothered to talk to you about it? You know why? 'Cause I know there's no use. ^^ Nothing I say will matter. I'm wrong, and that's all that's going to go through your mind. The only way I can ever go back to you is to freaking shoot myself in the leg and limp like a lost puppy. xD 'Cause I know that's what you really want. xD You want me to say sorry a billion times and try to make it up to you. xD But I'm not going to. o.o Because you know, this has happened before, and everytime I apologize; everytime I come right back... it just happens again. Each time, it's worse. xD And I'm sick of it. Sorry. xD I have enough stress behind my eyes than to be worrying about being perfect for you and your needs all the time. xD
So this time it's your turn. If you ever want something from me, you crawl back. You ******** say sorry for something you don't believe you did wrong. xD And maybe I'll pretend to forgive, then secretly rant about how much you suck to someone else. xD Why not switch roles? I'm sure it's fun watching people break at my own hands. o.o I mean... why else would you strive so hard to do it?
Or is it just 'cause you can?
See. xD I want to understand so badly. xD I want to sit you down somewhere and have you just explain exactly what goes on behind YOUR eyes. xD Because none of this makes sense to anyone but yourself. xD And anyone who agrees with you... they're afraid of you. xD All of your little minions are, you know. Because they see how angry and hateful you get with others... it makes them afraid to displease you. xD
One by one, you drop your friends, and you find some way to make it look like it's all their fault. <.< You've wanted to drop me for a while now, haven't you? And what was the perfect way to make it look like my fault? o.o I just so happen be at the beginning of a relationship with a certain someone you have had experiences with that have created silent feuds. xD
Hey, something I feel like pointing out. <.< I always took YOUR side when he would rant about how terrible you were. xD I would always try and make you look not so bad even after all the situations we have gone through. xD Even if I knew exactly what he was talking about. xD I would just stand up for you anyway. xD 'Cause you were one of my best friends... and I guess that's what friends are supposed to do?
Sorry to say... I don't stand up for you anymore. >.< Now I find myself adding points to prove the things he says. >.< Even starting the conversations at times. o.o
I used to think I understood you. xD I used to think that you were really in a serious sort of situation. xD But you know why you think he overreacts so much? Because you don't take it seriously enough. xD You treated him like another game to ******** with. xD And once you were done, you wanted nothing to do with him anymore. xD And somehow, you made it look like his fault. o.o Congratulations. o.o You manage to be one of the most terrible people I know. o.o; And I don't understand a thing about you. xD
But anyway. o.o You blame it on 'breaking the pact'. You tell me that I chose him over you... when the promise was to always put friends before boys. xD But, this started long before he ever entered this damned story. xD It's just the perfect situation to come up so you can drop me off at my stop and not even look back to see if I've tripped. xD
Anyhow. xD I don't give a damn anymore. Thinking about it too much makes me crazy. o.o And I'm not going to let it get to me, 'cause that's what you want. xD I'm not letting you win, sorry. o.o You've gotten rid of me, I'm not coming back. o.o Maybe one day you'll try, and I'll probably go along with it, but never expect the same sort of relationship. xD You've proved that I can't trust you. o.o You've proved that nothing about me ever mattered to you. xD Maybe it was just a pity game. xD Did you feel sorry for me at first or something?
xD
I was going to write you a PM just like this. xD I really wanted answers. But after thinking it through and taking opinions from others... I realize there's no use~
I'm just setting myself up to fall again. ^^ So instead, I give up. You're not getting anymore effort out of me. This, is the last thing I'm doing for you until you bother to actually talk to me about it. 'Cause if all you can do is write journal entries and profile comments, why can't I stoop to that level?
Oh. xD And don't think that's all I have to rant about. I just don't want to overdo it... more than I already have. xD I've just gotten important points across. I know you won't take any of this into mind. xD But know that this is exactly what I believe. o.o Know that I know the truth, 'cause I was actually there when it happened. xD I don't know where you were... >.>
But hey. Sure. You're the victim. I'm terrible. How could you ever stand me?
All the terrible things you say about me... >.> I already know. xD I know I'm a terrible person. xD Why do you bother? Do you think it really HURTS me? I've said worse things about myself that you could ever. xD Because... unlike you, I actually know myself. >.> You just know the small flaws.
Oh yesh... maybe something I shouldn't ask but...
But what ******** pills? >.>
Sorry I sound so mean, but what the ******** are you ever talking about?
Oh. xD And a very good line indeed. "You get what you give."
I guess that's what I'm doing, huh? I've giving you what you gave. ^^ Cowardly B.S. o:
Hey hey! You get what you give! You don't start any online conversations, thus neither did I!
You be a b***h, I be a b***h. See? It's all fair. ^^
xD
I'm going to stop now though. Because this is already extremely overdone and you won't ever come across it anyway. xD
I'm sorry to say... but I'm not sorry xD Because I still don't feel I have anything to be sorry for. xD Umm, sorry for being a terrible person? xD Sure, why not. I'm sorry for being a terrible person. But you chose to put up with me, so why not blame yourself~
Thanks for you time. xD
From your 'friend'...
Me... o.o
...
...
Eh, to anyone who reads this... you know it's not about you so don't get depressed about it please. o.o The only person who could actually place this to themselves would never bother to read this... and is probably in too much denial to give a damn about any of my words.
Sorry my invisible readers. xD This entry makes me sound like I really am a b***h. o.o;
Well, 'tis all... >.>;
- Sakura Lied.
 Lyccea · Mon Feb 05, 2007 @ 01:48pm · 0 Comments |
