Do you ever have that feeling like you just wanted to sleep and never wake. I did yesterday, wanting to leave Gaia completely....
The Gaian suicide.
I have to admit to several things. I was not ready to be involved with another so soon after losing someone I cared for deeply. In that sense I was to blame, but needing someone to keep me sane and involved with life.
But in actuality, my soul was dying, slowly but surely. I remember studying in a psych class once that someone has several stages of grieving. I think I was in denial the whole time I was with this other person. No....not denying I had said feelings, but denying I had a loss and letting that loss work it's way out instead of jumping back into the fray.
That in turn hurt me even more so and the person I became involved with. I'm not going to take all the blame for what occured, and I won't get into details. But another change is needed.
This is not to say that I will deny all my friends like I have been. On the contrary, I will come back to them a battered soul, but one who has learned as most do.
I'm back.
 l Sunflower l · Tue Mar 01, 2005 @ 04:44pm · 3 Comments |
