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well, I rarely get on gaia so much these days, and it's been even longer since I've bothered to leave a log entry, but there has been something I have been meaning to discuss with myself here for some time, and now that certain mistakes have been made, I find it all the more important to record such things.
There is a girl, no, a young woman, who I write about now. never will you find a more warm heart. she makes me smile inside just to watch her and hear her voice. she is a silly one, surprisingly silly, but while I realize that sometimes she is silly to avoid pain, I have so much respect for her, she is a very crafty little bugger, and her sillyness is rather contagious, it rubs off on me and I find myself giddy sometimes for no reason more than because I can be, and I never deny that she is the source of such warmth.
while I will never allow myself to give up or give in, I happily admit that she makes me much more happy than she may realize. she is truly a warm place, and she shines for me.
of course, I have to try to damage what I have with ignorance. I detest distance and so slowly I am brought down by it, through faults of my own, I made a mistake, but even as I did I realize that I was foolsih to do so, nevertheless I feel I have hurt my precious in doing so, and that hurts me in turn. it is ironic to analyze such things.
in my life I have been hurt numerous times by others who weren't really as concerned with me as I first thought, and here is an angel who is lovingly obsessed with everything I do or say, and I have hurt her twice through uncertainty. truly if such does not prove her heart's loyalty then I do not know what does. and so, not wishing to make another mistake, and wishing to show my own devotion, I plan to remedy the source of my difficulty, but I dare not discuss this here, for fear that my silly thing will chance upon this entry and the surprise be spoiled, suffice it to say I will not make the same mistake again.
moving on, I really must say that all relationship matter aside, I could never have had a better friend, she has always been there for me when I needed it, all I had to do was go to her, and she knew. she is a warm soul and I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with her by my side. I see such things often as well, even when I made my mistake, I could still see it clear as day and it made the pain of it all the more real. seriously though, I'm a bitter person, I jest and get excited sometimes because I don't know how to act, but most of the time I find myself pretty miserable, though I find positives in life, there is no denying the negatives either. but here is my precious, and she likes to make me laugh even when she doesn't do so on purpose, she still manages to make me smile nonetheless, and I find strength in such things to remain positive, confidence to be happy in the face of dumb s**t, and plenty of sweet dreams,

here's to you, Ryaku, I love you, hun.