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Health Food Stores Particularly Vulnerable to Alien Attack
WASHINGTON, D.C.--A new security initiative identifies one of the greatest dangers facing Americans today.
"Health food stores carry fruits and vegetables exotic enough to be indistinguishable from extraterrestrial strains," said General Edward Nurance. "Even the shopkeepers can't always tell them apart."
"We're ripe for an invasion," he said.
Nurance warned that if alien pods were to pass undetected in the stores, the entire human species could perish and be replaced with the interloping plant life.
"We've been installing cameras and posting undercover guards at many U.S. shops," Nurance said.
"But to be honest, we're not sure what we're looking for," he admitted.
Security experts have increased their intake of ginseng, ginko biloba, and gotu kola in hopes of quickly devising a solution.
In the meantime, Nurance urges reduced consumption of fruits and vegetables for safety.
"Eat lots of dairy, and lots of red meat," he advised.
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