Yes, I honestly am the biggest wimp in the world...
The only time I find courage is when it really doesn't matter anyway.
Like today (what a crappy day, by the way), in comp Phil and I were randomly called to present our political cartoon because he missed class yesterday thanks to his iss. So our teacher was a boob and made us present even thought neither of us really knew what to say. And it wasn't too pretty. I'll openly admit that I know absolutely nothing about politics, and, quite frankly, I don't plan to learn about it either. And Phil, who's brother is over in Iraq, froze and couldn't think of anything to say about the way and election. However! ((yes there is a however))I wasn't nervous at all, for once, which I find extremely ironic. I usually get nervous when I know my stuff but this time I just went up there and winged it... wung it? Wang it? Hmmm, I'll have to looked up the past tense for that word.
So, anyway, when I was courageous enough to comfortabley speak in front of my prep-filled composition class, it didn't matter because I had no idea what I was saying.
I also found courage last night. I was downloading music and wanted to find something different. I thought it would be a good conversation starter with a certain somebody. And I could have even used Trina as my link to him. But, of course, he wasn't on.... the one time I felt like I could just easily talk to him for once in my poor pathetic life and he wasn't on. I stared at his name on my buddy list, waiting for it to turn from faded, to bold but it just never happened. I was listening to music and it really put me in a good mood. I felt more ...something... than usual. What exactly? I have no clue...
... All I want is to know why I have such a huge crush on a guy that I can't even talk to. WHY? Maybe that is why they say it's better to be friends first. When I had a crush on James, I could still talk to him because we were friends and I talked to him alot before I started "liking" him. I guess being friends first just makes things easier than if you have a crush on a not-quite-even-acquaintance...
*sigh* But anyway, I've come close to talking to him in the past... close as in typing words in the im box, yet never pushing enter. Last night, I was probably as willing as ever to actually submit the text ...but I lacked the im window to do so.
I've had such a smelly day. xp
Awkward band rehearsal... Drivers ed gave me a headache and I would have prefered to talk to Trina the whole class... World History was fun but the cold of outside intensified my headache... Comp-- uh, let's not go there again... In lunch I was rushing to get my lab report done and then there was poor Rachelle... and Stats I was still working on my lab report and trying to pay attention to the freaking pandemonium that broke loose. God bless Mr. Harris, because that has got to be the most fun math class ever!... Then in Chem I had my report done in time but when he returned our last test, well uh, let's not go there either... English was great but again, I had the courage to speak out, but really nothing to say and the conversation moved too fast for me to add my two-cents to the thing... and Japanese.... lovely Japanese, I never want to go, for fear I'll say or do something stupid but when I get there, its okay, I guess. I just enjoy sitting and listening to everyone around me. Good God, Dave is just... well, Dave. I think its great that he can make everyone sitting around us (specifically behind me) laugh.
*BIG sigh*
Well... and that, dear children, is the story of my life...
Man, I wish I could say that things can't get any worse, but I really don't want to jinx myself.
So instead I'll wrap up on a happy note...
St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow and I get corned beef and cabbage!
Wh00t!
</mild enthusiasm>
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Mistress Moonbeam Community Member 
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Candiehol
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irisheyesfire Community Member 
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I should write a romance novel about your life.
I shall title it:
'The Heartache of a Lustful, Angst-Filled Teenager'
It will be about your daily life, (embellished of course..but then again, I know the truth since I'm always watching you ninja ) and I will write about your silent yearning for a certain slightly puerto rican looking teenage dirtbag.
Sounds great, huh? Then I'll write in the story about how I become Queen of the USA with my darling Stephen and we take over Canada and steal their moose(s). twisted
You can be Empress of Canada, okay? Orli can be your sex-slave. I'll write all about that in my book. 3nodding
...excuse me while I go put a banana to my head and mock-kill myself.
...nah. too lazy to do that. Instead I'll look up on the internet if someone has ever killed themselves or others with a banana.
...*blink*...or maybe I don't wanna type in banana in google.
...oh my, the choices!