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I dunno where to begin. I guess I'm not everything people either see me or expect me to be. I've been through s**t that alot of people haven't.....and people have been through s**t that I haven't. In my life, I've been molested, beaten, stabbed, choked, crushed, suffocated and nearly shot. My family is as disfunctional as any other average american family and what not. I've been through hell, and I've been through I guess you could call heaven. People have accused me of some horrid s**t in the past, before I was even a teen. Now, I take them as sever insults if people accuse me now since it nearly ******** up my life before. In the past few years, I've gained true friends. Friends that have stuck by me through heaven and hell. Notably, Chris. He is more or less my brother, maybe not by blood, but by our bond of friendship. Recently, he's been going through absolute hell and I've been doing everything I can to help him. I've done alot to help those close to me. I'm not everything I appear to be. I am decietful and manipulative, more or less thanks to my father but it's not entirely his fault. I walk the path I am on now, and it is my choices, not his that has guided me. I guess I have some honor in me, I for some reason have been honest at times where I could have profited from the lies. I don't know why. Example, a few years ago, my mother gave me a $20, about an hour later, she said she forgot to give me $20 and was about to give me another bill. I stood there and smiled, but then suddenly I said "No mom, you already gave me money, see?" and I showed her the bill. *shrugs* she gave me the money anyways for my honesty but yeah, you get the picture. Well anyway. For the past few years, I've been battling over the thought of whether I'm bisexual or not. For some reason, I almost always question just about everything, it's pretty much my natural curiosity. Most recently, I've come to a conclusion, with help of course from two people. I'm not really bisexual.....I'm me. I'm not attracted to any particular sex, I'm attracted to the particular person for whatever reason. Technically I am but it's simply a label that the public gave me. I love Nami because of who she is, a wonderful, beautiful caring person who loves me almost beyond reason. I love Zenjirou because.....he's just him, he is hot yes, but I don't care. For some reason, the first and second day him and I talked, we both just opened up and I shed the shrowd of some of the many secrets I carry. He recently told me a few secrets of his which I shant betray, but he only told me recently and not sooner because he feared losing me. I cannot leave him nor Nami for pretty much any reason, because I love them with every ounce of heart I have. When I heard he was injured, I cried and nearly freaked because he is so far away and I couldn't be at his side. When Nami told me of her friend betraying her, I cried for her while I was to sleep and I felt so bad that I have to live in a different state. I love them dearly, as I love my friends dearly and would willingly sacrifice my life to protect them. I truly do love my friends.....especially the ones I can really talk to. One of them was I feel really bad for. She was beaten up by two boys not to long ago. sustained broken bones too. When she talked to me about it, she told me that she didn't want any trouble and didn't report it. Later on that night, after talking to me for hours, I finally convinced her to report it, next time I talked to her, I found out the boys were in trouble. What really upset me was the fact that I was almost the only person that provided her with some level of comfort and care, even from so far away. She feels that no one cares about her, and it saddens me. All she needs to do is reach out to the right people, and they will be there for her, just like many people should do if they feel abandoned. I'm starting to ramble so I'll get back to what I was saying. Fear is strong in me. The worst was when I almost cheated on one of my girlfriends once, still remember it vividly. I stopped and went home, took a shower and thought about it. After I got out and dressed, I called my girlfriend and told her, well....cried it to her, I felt so bad, still do as a matter of fact but I was forgiven. The fear in that is that I would end up like like my father, uncle, grandfather and so forth on my dad's side. A lecher. I don't, hell, I don't want to end up like anything from that side for the most part. I'm the only one out of 4 children my parents had that hasn't actually done any kind of drugs, not even experamented. The odd thing is, as bad as my father was, drinking, drugs, lechery....he's not that bad now, he hasn't done any of that for a long time. Well...the drinking was still going on up till a few months ago where it nearly killed him. Now, he's just a guy who's about as crippled as Ozzy but can actually be understood when talking.

I've rambled on for long enough, it's time for me to get some sleep.

If anyone's got something to say, say it, otherwise, bite me domokun