|
I wrote this donw and I thought i should put it up here. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Just as the title says, i typed this to someone and I thought I'd put it up here cos it's so long.
"Well, for starters, I always drew stuff for her and treated her better than any of my other friends at the time, but she did very little for me in the beginning, then she eventually stopped doing anything for me and I still did tons of things for her.
I encouraged her and commented all of her stuff, ignoring all the signes and it eventually got to the point where everyone commented on ger stuff, but no one bothered with mine. Everything she hadm she copied. Her story was exactly like FMA, only badly written and her characters she had copied from something else.
Even her characters were exact copies! Her main character looked exactly like Ed, only with boobs and brown hair. Gale, her main boy character had the same powers as some character on this one manga that I forgot the name of. Something about sinners. And her character Alex had the same powers as Naruto, with the whole demon inside of her thing.
Even Kd and Dani didn't comment on my pictures, but they commented on hers. I had an imagination. I created my characters unique. I didn't look at things to draw my characters. I made up my own style and poses and powers, and no one cared.
Of cource, had all this continued, it wouldn't have ended up that bad. This was hardly the beginning. Then came the real problems. It all started with RPing.
This is the part where Nall and Ty come in. Ray, Dani, Kd, Ty, and Nall all liked RPing together. Well, sinse I was part of the group before them though they all pretty much copied off of what Ray did, I wanted to RP with them. They were my best friends. My only friends. They were all I had. I wanted to be included with what they were doing.
I relaly tried RPing with them, but evcery time I did, they would change the subject. A lot of them stopped talking to me for some reason and all of them had made their characters date each other's characters. They were all part of a happy group and thought I had been there before them, they threw me out because I didn't matter. Nothing I did was important. The thing I wanted more than anything in the world was to be an accepted member, to be bale to RP with them and have fun with them and have my characters date thiers, but that wasn't possible. Because I am worthless.
I had 323263487 ideas, but no one listend to what I had to say or what my opinion was. I eventually somehow got them to join Gaia so I could make a guild for them and we could RP together. I thought that would make them love me.
I finnally made 20k and my avi was pretty much naked cos I had just joined, but that didn't matter. I had 20k and I made the guild. Naturally, they all ignored it. Of cource nothing I did was important, so why did it matter that I spent my first 20k on them?
Ty started yelling at me because she was mad at someone else and Nall started acuiring attuded problems as well that he took out on, of cource, me. So, I became nothing more than an obbject to yell at. Hey, after all, I don't matter, I don't hav feelings and if you stab me, I probably don't even bleed.
Ray was, of cource, having happy little RPing sessions in her journal which everyone attended but me, yet again.
Kd said in her journal that she wanted to be like Ray. That Ray was her role model. This destroyed me inside because Kd was the only person left I could even count on and she wanted to be like the one that vancuished my soul and made me feel usless and unloved and unimportant.
hen along came my 16th birthday. I had been looking forward to it because this one was different. I had friends this time. A week or 2 before my birthday, everyone had had a big party over a character Kd had made just recently. I figured mine would be grat cos that was a new character and I had been a giving friend to everyone for such a long time. A lot of their birthdays and characters' birthdays had a big party of some sort.
Days before my birthday, Ray was graduating 8th grade and she went to this dance. What should happen other than she fall and twist her knee.
She went to the ER for a few days for it, but it turned out to be almost nothing and everyone was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worried. When my birthday came, no one cared. They were too worried about Ray. I told them it was my birthday. A 16th birthday is supposed to be special. But no one cared about mine. They were too busy worrying themmselves to death almost literally over Ray's knee, which didn't have anything wrong with it anymore.
I spent my birthday in misery. None of my new friends cared. My parents said happy birthday and gave me a $20 bill and that was all. I gave them my gold, my love, and I got nothing in return. I used my time to earn gold to get a Nightmare Collar for Ray cos it was on her wishlist.
Of cource, I can't do anything right, and the price of the collar rose from 15k to 20k JUST that day. I had 15k. I told others my story. Did they care to lower the price to what it had been hours ago? Of cource not.
When Ray came back, I just gave her the 15k and said how much I tried to get her a collar. She didn't even thank me. I rmemeber she was talking to Kd once about what Kd helped her with and she said Kd helped her get the collar. Did she say any of the things I got for her or how much I worked and tried and toiled and how many tens of ppl I asked? Nope.
I really wanted to die. Not commit suiside. I'm too much of a coward to do that. But I lost all the will to live that day. If there was a bridge, I would have jumpen off of it without a second thought.
Oer the next few months, things were much the same. The same tourture. The same ammount of recognition for my toils. The same ammount of love I gave and they took. Is it still like that? Mostly, but it's a little better. Do I still die inside every time it happens? Yah. Do I still want to die? No. Do I think I'm worthless? No. Do I love them anymore? Hard to say. Do I love ANYTHING anymore? Hardly.
Sinse they betrayed me and estroyed all I had, I don't love anymore. All the love I had was wasted on them and they destroyed it. The love I had for the common man is gone. That's why I hate so many ppl.
When I see someone in the hall, I don't see another person. I see a thing. And the first thing I think is, "Pathetic swine." All the love I had has been taken, so the hate I locked up is all that can replace it. I spend the remaining of it on forgiving and loving Kd, forgiving Dani, and trying to keep my temper with my current friends."
 SaidTheRavenNeverMore · Tue Apr 24, 2007 @ 12:16am · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
