Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Yarg! I wanna bite Gaia's neck and chew on it until its head falls in my lap! Then I can perform brain surgery! HAHA! THEN it would work! domokun

Please forgive any of my language...

Sorry. These forum errors are just pissing...me...off...so...MUCH! Since Yousie took Fable back, I pretty much have nothing else to do but read my flash stuff...or do my econ stuff crying god I can't believe I have to actually talk to a car retailer for Econ! I DON'T HAVE ANY ******** TIME FOR THAT! WHAT THE ******** IS WRONG WITH MR. OSTROM?! WHY DO I KEEP GETTING STUCK WITH TEACHERS WHO ASK SO DAMN MUCH OF US?! WHY IS IT THAT WHEN I GET THE CHANCE TO CHOOSE WHAT I WANT, I ALWAYS MANAGE TO BITE OFF MORE THAN I CAN CHEW?!
WHY AM I SO GOD DAMN ******** ALL THE TIME?!

...I just want to....sleep. I want to curl up into a little ball and lock myself away so that this world can't hurt me anymore. I can't even remember the last time I felt entirely free. There's always some sort of chain that pulls me back. I feel so useless and alone. My only escape is whitnessing the happiness of others. Those smiles are what keep me going. The only reason I'm still here is to keep seeing those smiles...but they're all fading...

If I haven't mentioned already, Kc and I had a terrible revelation that we're in better moods at work. We can be at each other's throats at school but a few hours later, we're making up and smiling again.

I mean...my god. I don't think anyone understands what this means to me. I actually feel better in an environment that I generally hate. If what I hate makes me feel better, then what I love makes me feel worse?! I feel terrible no matter what I do! Every day is a new hell...its some never-ending cycle.

Its actually gotten so bad that my mom has started telling people that I've fallen into a state of depression. Its nice that you noticed, mom, but it sure took you a while to figure anything out.

One thing that bothers me is that my parental figures seem to be making all the wrong conclusions. They think I'm a goth because I prefer to wear black more often than anything else. TRUST me when I say that I am NOT goth. I know goth people and I've been told to be FAR too cheerful. I've actually told them on more than one occasion that I fall into the Outcast category. I'm too cheerful to be Goth, too morbid to be Prep and too awkward to be Normal. I can easily strike conversation with people even if I don't want to...the hard part is talking without being forced to. As of late, I've only wanted to talk with people I know or, in fact, no one at all. At least when it comes to face-to-face conversation.

Ok..I don't want to type anymore.
Souzou out!