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I've been thinking about this a long time. I felt human, always, because I've been raised in human environment. Though I feel different, I don't know what it is.
When I was sleeping over at my best friend's, she and her boyfriend wanted pictures of them, so I made pictures. It was dark, so the camera flashed. They really didn't like the flash, their eyes hurt and they couldn't see anything for a while, exept for when it was pretty light, then they'd see it with spots on it.
They also made pictures of me, WITH the flash, but I was okay with it. I still could see everything as sharp as first, I didn't see spots and my eyes didn't hurt. They said I was an aliën. It was fun, I thought, but then I started to think of it.
How come I get messages from 'the other side'? I got a message from Gabriëll, the archangel, who told me half a year before the tsunami, a tsunami would come. I didn't know what a tsunami was, half a year later I found out.
How come I'm not hurt by sudden light? How come I see extremely sharp? I CAN see extremely sharp, since I can see the structure of textile from about 30cm very clear.
I've always known I was different, I've felt it. I've been bullied a lot, since I was different. I still am different, my clothes are different from the others. I think different, nothing is gross or weird in my eyes. Everything is natural, although I do have my fears and ideas about some things. I'm pretty open minded, more than most people. How come? Is it because my mother raised me like that? Is it because I have paranormal gifts? Or am I really not human, like I sometimes feel?
I'm pretty peaceful, though sometimes I have ideas of torturing, killing, an extreme anger I cannot control. It comes up at the most ridiculous moments, there isn't a reason to be angry, but I am. Then my heart feels heavy, like stone. It feels cold and I feel lonely, like nobody is like my, like nobody can understand me.
I feel demonic at some moments, at some moments I feel like I'm an elf and some moments I'm a being of the light. And I always have to pretend I'm human, always.
People sometimes have ideas that I'm a vampire, I know that those are jokes, but still I know they have weird ideas about me. They think it's gross to drink someones blood, but I really want to taste, try it. I'm not sure it'll be nice, but I have to try at least once.
They think I'm crazy, they don't want to have contact with me and they have this curious look on their faces when they see me.
Luckily I have friends, they are human, but they are all a bit different. They know me, but they don't know those things. They know I'm different from them, they can feel it, but they don't know exactly what's going on.
Humans are unknowing, it's difficult to say, since I know they might read this. And I know it sounds harsh, but I really think they are unknowing. They believe they are human, so they are. They have forgotten what they really are, special beings, all different, thought all the same.
You know, everybody has yin and yang in him- or herself. Even I do. My yin and yang are strong, sometimes too strong. I'm a loving person, though very sadistic. I'm sweet, though I have evil thoughts. I'm 'cute' (according to some people), though I have killing-ideas. I enjoy life, though I have suicide feelings.
I don't know what I am, but one thing I know is that I'm not like the others. I can do more, I know that too. And one thing I hope for is people to understand me, because that is the thing I want most.
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 ganay · Mon Oct 27, 2008 @ 08:46pm · 0 Comments |
