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Hello again, its been a bit over a year now hasn't it? Ah yes well i only know that because number 6 said something about spring break, and it just ended for me now, so i figure thats what happened. Anyways.
Wow, i really was quite a downer last year wasn't I?(and all the years before that) yes, yes i was that way, I've been slowly getting better at this whole "dont hate the world" thing. and Im also going to fix the pictures on my pf and siggy because apparently they dont work anymore. Off topic moment there. Anywhom, yes I dont believe im quite as open about all those feelings anymore, all that negitivity, its gone and locked itself away for the time being (which probably isnt healthy, but im not a doctor, so i wont take my word for it). Also, the reason for the negitivity to have gone away might also be because ive become surrounded by a new group of people that i can call my friends and actually feel the meaning of the word now. Though some i knew before (meaning 2 out of 15) were actually friends, now i can be sure that the ones i have now are good as well. Im not bothering to make sense right now if you couldnt tell, just like before, snooper person, this is not for you, it is for me to clear my head of mushy/dirty/sad/bullshit thoughts, so its not for you. and i said that already... oh well. AND those people have allowed me to feel 'happy'. to be frank, ive never really felt this sort of happiness. they are there for me when i need them in return for me being there for them. before it was, i must be there forever and then sit in the corner when i need something because no one wants to help the depressed ginger girl. BUT that is aways away now, and i am feeling uplifted my friendship, real friendship. On top of these friends ive gained ive also gained another feeling, i believe it to be love maybe. or not, i cant be sure really right now. but id like to believe it is, so im going to stick with the theory. because you see its a different emotion from my past "wow hes hot i wanna do him go out with him" no its not that anymore. its more of a "I told you about my life and you stayed up with me until 4am telling me it was okay and that you care" and that made me become quite attached to him. But alas, he has another, and unlike many other whorish women dirt in the world, i will respect and honor that. though their relationship is mostly a bit rocky, i will not take advantage of that to make him look more towards me or anything, i will stay up with him and his problems until 4am and tell him they will be together forever because he would do it for me im sure. though i do think many a bad thought of this woman for making him worry so much, it irks me, but i will live with it, and be on board with his feelings. also, even if i were to 'take advantage of the situation' he wouldnt go for me because im a little over half is age (OH NAUGHTY ME =P) which i am completely and utterly aware of... sadly.
Until probably next year
-HH
 XxblackxxheartsxX · Mon Apr 18, 2011 @ 02:16am · 0 Comments |
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