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Stories of an average Jose
Just thoughts and other things.
So I guess i'm not gonna make this a daily thing, however i'll be making it a uncommon occurrence when I decide to write.

Pandora: Forest Flower by Michael Carvin

Seems like some really calm jazz today, a lot of it played today.

Things to look forward too: All in one patch for Dungeon Fighter Online will be out soon. That's. . . not as uplifting as I wish it would be. Tomorrow i'll be going with my grandparents to the market. If only they were really my real grandparents. Two weeks till I get to spend the weekend with a friend. It should be nice. Nice to have a friend around other than my room mate, and to be outside. Sorry.

Right now i'm feeling a mix of things, well along with the normal low value of myself. I've realized that coming back to gaia might'v been something I should'v avoided. Making friends is easy and hard, mostly trying to sustain a friendship is the hard part. Attempting to take part in activities that both participants could enjoy from it, along with equal things in common. I find that I stand in a very dull grey area where I neither excel or take interest in anything in specific. Lately I've been feeling numb again, along with cravings of alcoholic beverages, preferably something that'll knock me out for a few hours. Maybe if I can get a job it will improve things a bit more. Something I hear a lot is I should love myself before I can love someone else. Most of my life I hear to treat everyone with love and respect by default until they prove unworthy of either. I know myself, and the things I've done. It's hard to love a guy that you know too well and at the same time can't even recognize in the mirror. I got so out of shape from binge drinking, trying to figure out a way to sleep easier in the day without that heavy led ball of guilt at the bottom of my stomach bothering me. Having friends is a privilege, having people who trust you is a blessing, having people who have things in common with you is hard, and having someone who can tolerate the negative parts you offer is a miracle. 1 out of 7.6 billion and counting odds to find someone who would have all the qualities and if not the ones that matter and in the end I destroyed my odds to 0. I shouldn't talk about her, this is about the now. But I'm talking about guilt. I hope I can get that job soon. I don't think I can see myself going through the days without a glass in my hand any time soon.

Now playing: Strangers by Yoko Kanno

Sorry for another downer, I'll try to make something sweet or something to make the day feel better. Maybe some pumpkin rolls.





Sandstorm Varracht
Community Member
Sandstorm Varracht
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