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You know, friends are a funny thing, when you make a friend you find that you like them, then love them like another member of your family, and then when they make a friend you want to be friends with that person as well, and for the sake of argument it goes on and on like this making friends forever and ever. This is the most ideal method of friendship.
But the world, it isn't at all ideal; in fact it often takes a clip out of you, to see how much you can bleed without actually dying. Consider this, you make a friend, they are one you would have for a life time, in some cases actually marry if the chance was available; then someone comes along, they cut you, take your friend, and leave you bleeding on the floor, a spectacle mocked by all staring on. You were snubbed because someone came along and decided, “You aren't good enough for this person, and so I shall show them that," and in you rages a fire disguised. All the while you can't bear to hear the ongoing cheers to "let it go" to "move on" to "make new friends" and if they aren't coming back "than they weren't really a true friend to begin with." but it never really satisfies does it? No. It never takes the sting away, in fact it often makes it worse, like pouring cold hydrogen peroxide on a jagged rock caused scar along your inner palm. All the while, what a fire disguised still grows in you. Then you take to trying to win them back, because living without them makes you feel loathed and alone, because you know if you can't look at them and feel happy again you might just turn around and hurt someone else you didn't mean too, maybe one of the friends you still have close in your heart. But it never works. You sit there and try to talk with them, you try to joke and take part, but all the while you laugh, you hide pain, all the time you stare at them ; with your replacement, you want to die. Screaming inside your head is a voice urging you to "strangle" "maim" or even “destroy" but your better half doesn't allow for such inadequacy of etiquette. So you laugh louder trying to stop your pain. And soon you are made a fool again.
Wandering around the world, by yourself, purposefully alienated so as to not lash out, you try to keep calm, but all the while, what fire disguised, is growing ever stronger. Looking on into the future becomes pointless. Because, now this one person, this enemy, this ...shadow, has taken one, and two, and three friends from you, and you couldn’t stop it. There was no stopping them, and you don't know why. You lose another friend, and the vicious circle encloses more, you can almost feel your heart stop now and then when you see that first fallen friend, who is almost a faint memory once again. You walk a pace in time, and say "I thought I was yours and you were mine," but you were wrong. You sit alone now, or at least in a meta-psychiatric way, people talk about you they say, " how strange," and "loud" how "boisterous" and too "proud", you sit there and ponder, your mind starts to wander, it’s almost too painful to sit there and think. Soon you’re all alone; your mind is just there thinking of things too make you feel worst, so much so that it’s enough to make you long for a hearse.
By now you have realized I've felt these things. But it’s really not that I'm complaining, this is more of a cautionary tell. Don't forget you are loved by someone in this world no matter how small, and no one can make you feel insignificant without your consent. Remember that you are no better than anyone else, and no one is better then you as well. We all have quirks we all hate something about ourselves, and we all think to ourselves," why am I odd," but there is no reason to stand around making someone else feel horrible, because inside you aren't proud of what you are. Be mature, you are mostly an adult as of now, and like such you should learn that you can't always get what you want, and making someone's inadequacies more present doesn't retrieve your desires any faster. Try a little harder to remember the human condition, try a little harder not to do things out of spite, and remember that friends are the universes way for making up for your family troubles no matter what they are, they are just as precious as gold, but have no value if you use them against each other. And, before you begin to call me preachy and "hypocritical", remember I’m just as human, and have maliciously contrived against just as much people as you probably have, whether unintentional or not, we are all flawed, no one is perfect, no one was ever perfect on this world, and no one will ever be perfect. Because, my dear friends, someone will always scrutinize out of you a flaw.