this i wrote last monday....in english....
I feel worthless,I dont want to read,I dont want to write,but I do,why?because I would rather write then have a breakdown,I just want everything to stop,I want to sleep and never wake up, yet my mind remains restless,awake,in pain. I dont have any enthusiasm,writing is just commands my brain sends to my fingers,I wander the halls non-chalantly,and with my eyes down. Everything I do I just feel....robotic,put me on pills to stop the pain,make me numb,I wont mind because the "Holly" that you all thought you knew is already dead. Holly's passions are nothing but a memory,singing is now just moving my voice up and down according to the paper's prefference.If you ask me who I am,I wont answer because I'm not sure who I am anymore.Any touch I recieve I will not feel,if you hug me I will only hug back out of habit,when I do feel something,warmth,I want to cry. Everything I dois out of habit,instinct. If I had my choice I would sleep and never get out of bed,I could cry on a wimb, my eyes become hot,my jaw sore,my voice warn out.Then the next day I could come back as the Holly you all knew,passive,quiet,obeideint,loyal,nice Holly,who always could do work,even on a wimb,well. I'm sorry I cant be her, I'm sorry I cant be anything that you want or need.Everyday I struggle to bring back this girl that meant so much to you,everyday I fail.I'm not what else I can do,I'm ready to give up. I'm sorry, I'm just so worn out and I dont want to deal with it anymore. I dont want to care anymore
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all my life i've been told to look on the brightside,and to see the glass half full instead of have empty,then when i got to know the REAL me,the me that nobody else seemed to get,i was told to just do what i do best...write.then when they got to see the poetic side of me...they worried...they worried that i was going to hurt myself...i told them i would never,but as time went along,people changed,not in a good way,and while people were changing,things were breaking,and while things were breaking,things got WAY out of hand and i felt as if i had no control over anything...not even my own pain...mostly because other people were causing it and i needed to assure myself that i DID have some control,so i hurt myself
call me emo
call me crazy
call me watever you want,but one thing i'm not
is yours.....
call me emo
call me crazy
call me watever you want,but one thing i'm not
is yours.....
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