|
|
|
Je sens ma chargin, nous sciemment ne fera pas continuer jamais.
Je sourir, vouloir un jour avec ton. Je t'aime, jamais et toujours.
Hope I got that right. I haven't studied my French in a while. I should look over it again. I wish I had someone to speak fluently with. I would love to be fluent in at least one language instead of knowing phrases here and there of about 8 different languages. >.< Oh well. I'm so tired, but I just can't seem to sleep. I'm tired of sitting and doing nothing, not progressing, not learning, not doing anything... I want to go back to school, I want to learn, I want to be happy and focus on my eternal joy of gaining knowledge... but I hurt. I'm scared of that hurt, living in denial, being that it is so severe. Even though I basically have already been hit with the truth. Am I just scared, or am I so in love with the potential that fails to accept itself? How does one just drop something they've always supported, for such a long time? Looking forward to the end, but never able to eventually finish? I don't want to give up. I always gave up. I don't want to let go. I don't want to lose such an amazing thing in my life. It means the world to me, it is my world, bringing me countless joys and always been there when I was in need. I can only swim upstream for so long... waiting for the rescue to come or I drown and swim back home alone. Just to think, all I've sacrificed and given to this cause, to think it all a waste would be selfish. Why did I sacrifice? Because I wanted to see my happiness reflected? Because I wanted others to feel such an amazing thing that has brought me such happiness? I fear... I fear seclusion, depression, loss, that darkness that has so many times enveloped me after a situation like such in which I lost all meaning, my hope, my dreams, all that mattered to me... I forgot who I was, who I wanted to be, who I wish to be and now that I see it again, I yurn for it, grasping at it blindly. Two joys, one eternal difference. I know that things will in the long run be okay, but I'm not ready for it. I'm not ready to part with this wonder I have. I would like to hold on to it as long as possible, no matter what pain I may endure. To still have it, still hold it, see it, know that it is of a friendly consequence... Yet I get older and I get anxious. Nervous yet excited as defined by Webster. Two paths, both traveled equally to which the end is foretold. Eternal or Temporal. For all time or until death. Joy or sadness. Night and day... The only question is when it will happen. When it does, what will I do? How to explain such things... again... It's already been noticed. A question of Happiness. Happiness... such blissful things in this earthly life... yet there could be more if such things are believed? Home. Such a broad term for a beautiful belief. I hope I make it.
 Kaikamahine o Pele · Thu Oct 16, 2008 @ 07:58am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
