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Chica can't win....
Ok so how about the past 24hours have been extremely awkward and crazy for me!!!! I have a friend Paco who graduated a year ago. I basically haven't seen or even spoken to him since. Well he found a friend of mine here on myspace and surely enough found me! I just saw him for the first time in a year yesterday and let me tell you I missed him more than I realized. We went to the mall and just kinda chilled and caught up with eachother. He's so awsome!!!! I am really glad I got to see him. I must of hugged him like 12,000 thimes. I'm sure he got annoyed with it. lol After the mall we went to church and that was well and fun....cept for the part where I got lost because they just built a new building...the smell of paint and the colorful carpeting was slightly....awkward. lol ^ ^ So we were driving home and slowly we began making confessions and what not and all in all it was a great time and I am so happy to have him back in my life. ^ ^ Hopefully he'll stay there this time. ^ ^
However the remainder of my night wasn't so splended.... For a while I've been struggling with the fact that I've needed to break up with my b/f. But my life is so chaotic and I'm trapped with so many situations that right now...I just don't need to be inlove. I don't need to be in a super serious practically engaged relatioship. I know in my heart that as of right now that's wrong for me. And w my b/f being in Maryland...it wasn't helping the situation. I hadn't planned on breaking up with him for another few weeks due to the fact that I didn't want to lose him because I truely do care for him. However fate seemed to have other plans. I don't like lying and he said something which brought up the subject... But I have a little voice in me that tends to guide me and I've ignored for a while and have been suffering the consequences for it. But he was wanting to come see me over the summer and possibly move down...and as much as I wanted to see him...I didn't want to feel the way I did when he came and wind up having to break with him after he had given up everyhting...only to have nothing.... Needless to say he wasn't happy (and niether was I) and he decided that he wanted nothing to do with me. For it was all or nothing and because I couldn't swear to him that he'd have a future with me he basically said he'd never speak to me again. It's not how I wanted it because I still want to be there for him but I mean he'll do what pleases. I was really upset about it. I cried for a while and called Paco at like 2am (b/c he's the only 1 up that early/late) sobbing and we talkd for a while and he managed to cheer me up for a bit.
Its kinda funny though. Ken did exactly what Paul did when I broke with him. Something in me told that it was time to end with Paul. And while it nearly killed me to do so I did. I told Paul that my instinct was normally right but he said that his disagreed. Well soon enough Paul began to realize that I was right. (amongst a few other things but at that point in time those realizations were seperate...) So i'm hoping Ken'll realize that for atleast that this is for the best. I hope he'll come around and not just completely eliminate me from his life but what can I do?♥
emo emo

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