Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

wow, I haven't wrote in this thing in a longggggggggg time...
eh he xp got really busy w/ school.
well..............I'm just chillin' right now, so I guess I'll write a few thoughts down.
IN TAGALOG thati is! blaugh

first of all (ehhhhh maybe in taglish) happy na happy ako kase finally makakapunta kame nag housemates ko to the club. I haven't been in one in such a long time and miss ko talaga all the fun. hopefully nga lang that Nan will enjoy kase she doesn't seem to be the type na mahilig sumaya at especially with boys that is. hehehe
2nd, ano ba!!! bakit all this time na sa isip ko parin 'sya'. alot of people have told me na.. I should just forget about him, pero hindi ko kaya. sad especially when nag e-email sya at sincere na sincere talaga ang messages nya para sa akin. ewan ko ba. sometimes, gusto ko na e blurt out sa kanya na.... MERON KA BANG GF?!?!?! kase, I don't know if meron na sya and if pinaglalaruan nya lang ako. On the other side, kung hindi at talagang shy lang sya. Will he be able to accept my culture and will my family be able to accept him. Ewan ko!!! too far in the future daw yan. I guess titingnan ko na lang on V-day when I will 'pop the ?' to him.
3rd thought-probing aspect in my mind. sad sad sad sad saan kana, my cellphone ko. I miss you so and sorry na nahulog kita somewhere. hopefully na sa coche ka nga ni lloyd, cause if not. I'll break down and ................. cry!!!! crying Plus, I need to actually call ppl. most importantly ang parents ko.

Well, hope everyone is having a random and usual day. hahahaha.
everyday is a unique day, kahit usual routines and paths. there's always something different.

with that note.... ta ta and good day. mrgreen

cry I'm currently listening to Full Moon Wo Sagashite "Eternal Snow". This song sounds so sad. Oh wait.... I'm now listening to "Love Chronicle". It has a very reminiscing melody too. It makes me miss my family even more. cry

MAMA, PAPA, RY, MAY-MAY, and CHOCO! I can't wait to see you guys! crying crying crying

I'll do my best on my exams, so that when I see you guys it's worth it even more.

MAHAL KO KAYO! Kayo ang dahilan bakit ako nandito sa Austin. Always know... ang ginagawa ay para sa inyo, sa atin lahat. Gusto ko kayo maging maligaya. Hopefully hindi matalag pa sa panahon until mangyayari eto! whee crying biggrin

Sabi nga ni Rydel, "ever since nag dye ako nang buhok ka na pula --actually orange tingnan-- mas ruaraming ang manga "suitors" ko daw. I don't understand nga hah. Wish ko lang nag maging kaibigan nila ako, kaso it seems palagig na magiging close na kami, pumupunta sila sa next level. Ayaw, na ayaw ko yon. Of course, pwede ko naman sila itange, kaso naman napapa lungkot ko sila. Ayaw na ayaw ko rin yon. Eto nga, gusto ko makalimutan ang nangyari since grad. ko. Katatapos ko nga lang sabihin sa isa kong malapit na kaibigan na hindi pa ako ready. Inintindi naman nya, kaso, i pini push parin nya that baka sa susunod na dalawang taon, mag bago at decision ko at bigyan sya nang chance. Sabe ko naman, oh sige tingnan natin. Tapos, dagdag ang pressure. Gusto nila mama, papa, at rydel sya. Sabe nga nang kapatid ko, "you should go out with _______, look, he's gonna get buff for you!" Pupunta kase etong lalaki sa army.
How long na gusto ko magbago ang love situation ko after high school. Sorry, to good to be true pala. Pagkatapos nga nang debut nang kaibigan ko (hindi naman gusto nila papa at mama sya, suplada daw, but she's really nice, at least sa akin naman. Minsan I think na pre-pressure sila mama at papa, pag mayaman ang manga kaibigan ko. Parang na gu-guilty sila na hindi minsan nila kayang ibagay same stuff na na bibigay nang ibang pinoy parents sa kanilang anak ((pag so-socialan kase ang mararaming pinoys dito sa Rio Grande kase)) No deal naman sa akin yun, eh. I love them for who they are at anyday i choose ko sila over sa mayaman na pamilya. Ang pera naman ay of no obssession of mine. Sure kailangan ko for college, but not like I need NEED IT!)
Balik sa love story ko. After a week nang debu, tumawag ang close kong kaibigan. Suprise nga ako with what she said, " I didn't know you and -------- are going out?!?!?" ANO sinabi nya!?!??! I've been with my family nga the whole week, tapos eto ang chismis!?!?!? We talked about it.............alot. Sabe nya, na sabe ni ------------ that ini-ignore ko sya at hindi ko ena-answer ang phone ko. Of course, we both laughed. (I'm pretty much known for not picking up the phone)
So, after getting some advice, tinawagan ko si ---------------. We talked. But hindi ko masyado na explain sa kanya ang gusto ko sabihin. But na-figure out ko kong bakit sinabi nya sa manga kaibigan namin na item na kame. In one of our phone conversation, na sabe ko sa kanya that sure, willing ako mag try na "lumapas" with him. I meant waht I said. Kaso, I didn't think na i-co-consider nya ang tawag namin ay sufficient enough na mag item na kame! Grabe! Or ako ba ang wala (sa earth) dito. So yeah, may boyfriend na ko. Si nabi ko kay mama. Good ang relationship naman na ganayan eh. No secrets, no lies, close na close kame kase. Of course, pag dating kay papa, different yan.
another add in. Sabi nya ( -------------) dapat sa bi hindi ko daw kay ````````````````````````, na mag stop flirting sa akin, kase item na kame. I was like.. hindi naman sya nag fli-flirt. Ang defend naman nya ay, then bakit sabi nila (manga kaibigan ko) na pupunta sya sa Austin next year only para mag kasama kame. Of course, meron kame ni `````````````````````` na past. Hindi maganda at all. let's just say nag bago sya, nag bago rin ako, for the worst according to my good friend. Hindi nag last, actually hindi naman (at least I consider) nag start. Taht was my first taste kong gano masakit at mahirap na meron relationship.
Tapos isapang dagdag. Na laman ni ____________ about me and ----------------------. Gusto, na sana akong na una nag sabe or at least explain kay ________ ang situation. Kaso wala. On the other hand, kinakawawa ko naman si `````````````````````````. Walang, walang sya alam so nangyayari. Minsan, I just give myself self pity, na how stupid, palagi ko sya sina saktan. Wala akong sinasabi sa kanya. "it's not like you guys are going out. he doesn't need to know everything that happens to you." sabi nag kaibagan ko. True. But, na-gu-guilt trip ako, cause, he's my friend and even though there's nothing between us (at least consider ko) I feel kailangan parin nya malaman that may "iba" (although hindi naman). It's not like I can run away from the problema either, kase, si --------- ay pupunta sa perehong universidad kaga ya ko. Makikita ko nga sya next week eh, sa orientation. anong sasabin ko for the reason na hindi ko sinasagot ang manga calls nya!

I just want to go away. I want to leave that part of my life behind. I now it's mean, but I really hate relationships. I hate love. I hate the idea of falling in love. I want to run away. I want this part of my life to just dissapear. I don't want to not have any friends, but at the same time, I don't want to have other fall in love with me when I consider them to be awesome close friends, but nothing more. Perhaps, it's me that's weak. perhaps I am the one who complicates things. But I'm jsut me. I'm not perfect. I can't satisfy everyone. So why can't I say no. Why can't i stop the hurt and pain before it extends, and grows more immense.

Love is complicated. Love is EVoL! If I ever find true love, I wish I recognize it and reach for it!

I've been given that chance twice and failed to not grab it. Fool. Only one chance left. But will I learn? Will I find it?

At the age of 19, I still have a lifetime to be gifted with it. I hope I'll one day find romance like mama and papa. Fights have occured, vile words, treacherous actions taken, but -- they reconciled. They talked, they hugged, they compromised, cause of love? I sure hope so. I applaud them for their fight, their fight for love --their love, and the sake of happiness not only for us, but for them. They are my love gurus.
And if to love means to bicker constantly, but forgive each other in the end, then let me find it. I've felt it before, twice in the past. But I played the ignorant fool, who believed it nothing more. Such a fool. Such an idiotic fool.

June 22, 2006 @ 7 pm

Mom was admitted to the Edinburg Regional Hospital for excessive bleeding.
At the moment, one really knew why she wouldn't stop bleeding, however when we were finally able to see her in the emergency room, the doctor told us that a mass (whatever it may be, I think it was tissue) had excessively grown in mom's uterus. Causing her to bloat as if a basketball was inside her. Furthermore, this
mass ended up weighing 10 lbs. Later that night, dad decided we (my sis and I ) stay w/ mom, while he goes home to look after the house and our dogs (weren't feed at all, we rushed out the house).

June 25 @ noon

Mom was taken to the surgery room. The previous day, she was suppose to have been discharged, but due to the sudden excretion of blood again, we stayed over night some again, making it our 3rd night in the hospital. That afternoon, the doctor came out to tell us that, due to the excessive bleeding, they couldn't get a sample of clean tissue from my mom's cervix or uterus area. So, if my dad were to consent, the doctor/surgeon wanted to perform the removal of the uterus at that moment instead of the decided 3 months after. The surgery took about an hr. and thank god mom was fine.
However, she kepted on barfing up acid. Not a pretty sight or smell at all.
That night, Tito Bing, Ate Mya, Kath, and Mark came for a visit. They were followed by Tito Tonet and Tita Sheila. They were so nice and generous to bring some delicious fruits, cake, and brownie. But not to forget, Tito Jim came Friday and brought mangoes, while Tito Peter and Tita Lorna visited on Saturday. Fruits must be the ultimate get well soon gift, because they brought some fruits too.

June 27 @ 2 pm

Yesterday, we went to Lolo warsaw's house and checked out the new puppies. Turns out Inga was able to successfully deliver all 10 puppies yesterday noon. They are so cute and tiny! "Choco's a proud dad now," my dad said.
Today, in the other hand, my mom did really well to have flatulance and finally a bowel movement. Alright new vocabulary. But the thing that caught me was the cute in-training nurse that she was assigned. Aaaaa........... *dreamy eyes* Mr. Francisco Trevino (can't put the accent on the n). He was super sweet, he even made conversation w/ my mom. However, according to my sister, he's GAY. Could a guy be considered not straight if he were to say "Oh my god."
Ah, whatever, he was nice and cute. He even complimented my drawing skills. Ha! -.- XP .

Well, that was my experience for the past week. Now I'm definite that I have no regrets trying nursing. It's really hard work. I only got 2 to 5 hrs of sleep a night during mom's stay there. No exercise, no internet, no phone, no nothing. Just food, food, glorious food! ;D

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to

life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.

We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that isthe only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

I Love You!

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments

that take our breath away.

By George Carlin after 9-11

Since I barely write here and ppl rarely check this, I think I'll turn this into my private (encrypted) journal.
Well, not so encrypted if you know Tagalog! ^.^


Hindi ko alam pero, mahal na mahal ko parin sya. Kahit anong gawin ko, sya parin ang na sa isip ko, sa puso, palagi na lang sya. Siempre, gusto ko yun, pero minsan hindi ko alam kung pareho rin ang damdamin nya para sa akin, kagaya ang mahal ko para sa kanya. Nag experimento nga ako sa iba. Kala ko kaya ko sya malimutan, pero hindi. Kahit meron ako super bait, super guapong kaibigan na my gusto sa akin, sya parin ang sigaw nang puso ko.

MAHAL KITA, KUNG ALAM MO LANG! SANA, MAHAL MO RIN AKO!

Another quote of the day..............

"I will learn from myself, I will be my own pupil." --Siddharta

Hello there.......................... stare .........................friends ..................... rofl

No way I can state all the stuff that's occuring in my life right now in this box. So, I'll just state a quote that I heard from English Lit. today.

"...to become empty, to become empty of thirst, desire, dreams, pleasure and sorrow -- to let Self die."
-- Siddharta, Herman Hesse

biggrin WHOA! This website is so awesome! Would love to keep a Gaia journal but, already have another weblog! So, if anyone would like to look into my not-so-interesting-very-typical life check out my
blaugh LIVEJOURNAL blaugh

http://www.livejournal.com/users/oblivious_chic/