okay so this isn't mine - I found it in a news paper a couple years ago...like five or six years ago. I found it hilarious and still do.
So...I was minding my own business...
Well ... ok, I was terrorizing a village of Munchkins
But they're so damn short they deserve it.
It's like they're asking for abuse
And I was coming up with one heck of a spell
That would have knocked that Harry Potter kid on his a**.
When all the sudden, a house drops on me.
Like that. Just like in the cartoons or a silent movie
When a piano lands on someone's head.
I didn't even have time to fly off
Or lay a mean hex on the girl.
And it should have tipped off
That all those Munchkins were looking up
But those pygmies always look up
Everyone else is a sight damn taller than they are ...
And I die instantly and Dorothy's the big hero,
Not because of anything she did, mind you
But just out of dumb luck. I mean,
If the tornado blew a mile south,
The scarecrow would have been a pile of hay by now ...
And Glenda, everybody's favorite good witch
Suddenly pops up. Ooh, she's been waiting for years
For something like this to happen to me
And what do you think that b***h Glenda does?
She gives Dorothy my ruby slippers!
Do you know how hard it is to find ruby slippers
in 12 triple E size? What do you think,
That they grow on trees or that Prada just hands them out
To any old wicked witch who wants them?
And of course, they look better on her than they did on me!
So now I have teh mother of all headaches
And these damn Munchkins won't stop dancing,
In the middle of the Yellow Brick Road
Singing, "The wicked witch is dead."
And all I have to look at is
The most hideous wall paper I've ever seen
In my life for the rest of eternity.