So of course this MLK Weekend was a huge dud xp
Which isn't surprising. MLK is one of the three major gay holidays, but I wasn't expecting DC to pull as many people this year as it typically does.
The inauguration is tomorrow around noon-ish and all of downtown is basically riddled with road closures so NW is pretty tricky to navigate and it's where most of the hotels are. Being in SW, I can easily navigate to NE or SE but getting to NW or Virginia is a bit of a struggle.
I didn't do much of anything this weekend. I hooked up with Abdullah, Keyon, and Dexter....all were actually amazingggggg but I can't help but be reminded that I really need to get my s**t together. In a way, I thank them, not only for the company but also for reminding me that I really need to work and focus on work.
It kinda bothers me that I'm not the sole primary agent of my own life and I feel like I can't do what I want, when I want. I understand being in a relationship, you give up some of those liberties but to be honest, this is why I didn't want a relationship...yet I've found myself in this exact situation.
Regarding Cortes, I still gotta figure out how I'ma work this. Nothing really has changed, but I figured if I started being more transparent about how I feel about things, he would see the writing on the wall...not that he doesn't already. I think it would also be a benefit to have a conversation about what he thinks makes us compatible/incompatible and learn what he truly likes about me...because I really don't think he does. It's so weird.
Regarding everyone else, it's just weird.
Keyon has his life together. He has a good job that allows him to make a good amount of money (he's really getting a ton of overtime pay with the DC Fire Department, which allows him a bit more financial flexibility. I don't have that luxury). With that flexibility, he can pay off some bills, he purchased a house, and he's about to get a new car. He's been with DCFD for 15 years now, loves his job, and is looking forward to retirement in 15 more years. Not to mention he has two kids and a host of family members that do rely on him for a myriad of things.
Dexter has his life together. He has a good job as the Financial POC for several US Congressmemebrs and works closely with their Chiefs of Staff to ensure everything is on budget and accounted for. He makes great money doing this. He owns his condo but is looking for an additional one in Miami or a different home here and has been approved for a huge loan to do so. Not to mention, he's well-versed on all things finances and numbers so when it comes to money he isn't afraid to take risks...but I'm sure this job and salary he has also proves to be a nice safety net.
Abdullah does something important but I know he makes a lot of money.
I'm definitely not envious of any of these black men and I'm happy for them. I just have to figure out my own way. I should probably take a break to really focus for a week on working out, getting a second job, learning about stocks and coming up with a ******** plan.
I love and appreciate the opportunity to live in DC but I guess sometimes I feel a little suffocated in this apartment with Cortes. Idk.
Bear with me ya'll, I'm going to get it together soon.
· Tue Jan 19, 2021 @ 01:17pm · 0 Comments