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The end of the school year... |
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There's only 2 and 1/2 days of school left. Yay.
I have my math final on Mon. and Tues.
I have to do my final draft of my research paper, which is due on Monday... for English. Also in English, we have a poster due and we have to give a 5 minute oral report in front of the class about the poster (on our favorite book of the year).
ALSO on Monday, I have to show and tell a really cool theater set design which I have yet to find, for Scene Design.
Isn't this just COMPLETELY awesome? So yes, technically, Wednesday (which is a half day), the last day of school, is my only FREE day. How screwed up is that? What happened to lying around for the last week of school watching movies? I so blame it on the new principal. She's evil... and honestly, she dresses like a slutty business woman... She can't sneak up on you because she ALWAYS wears these heels that bug the hell out of me every time she takes a step.
"It's like 'salad', but with an 'h'."
That's our principal for you.
On top of it all, I've had this stupid schoolgirl crush on this freshman (I'm a soph) who I don't even know. Yet, I've had this crush for quite a while, but it only started eating at me 2 months ago.
I'm an incredibly shy, insecure person with a low self-esteem. I am not about to talk to some guy I've never talked to before when I have a crush on him....
Once I told my friend (over time: friends), they weren't about to let me slide by him unnoticed day by day. (btw, I've noticed... days go by faster when you're eager to see someone....)
I would try to say 'hi' to him, or even just SMILE at him, but I get cold feet (always) at the last moment (always), so I don't. The other day... Tuesday? Yeah. I went to the library with my friend who knows HIS friend (why they hang out at the library sometimes... I have no idea. Either there, the vending machines, or the band room (I believe)), we passed in the hallway, and they (all 3) said "Hi" to my friend (James), but said NOTHING about me or to me, but I did look at them for a second, and HE was at least looking at me. But then again, I must've looked like the most pathetic girl he's ever seen with my hood over my shoulder length hair as I stared at the floor... yes, I am pathetic. After they passed and started talking to each other again, James grabbed my arm and started DRAGGING me after them. eek
Then the next day (Wed.), I decided I would finally say 'hi' to him at lunch. After several minutes of cold feet later, I finally stood, and started walking slowly James and another one of my "friends" who knows them came with me... to make it SO much less awkward.
A few steps later, and I start going back to my seat, but my friends start literally PUSHING me forward. WITH the people back at my table ALL cheering me on, even if they had no idea what I was doing... 'Damnit Craig.... SHUT UP.' Ugh... it was horrible. Too soon I was there... where HE and his friends were sitting. I waved a bit as they said 'Hi' to James.... I looked up to see HIM turned around on the bench to look at us, he said "Hi" and waved... was he looking at ME?! (Eek!) James pestered me a bit about saying hi....
"Fine. Hi." I did a wide, exaggerated wave.
It was awkward... 'Okay... now what?' ......... "My face is really red.... I'm going to go back now..." My "friend" tried blocking me and James said to his friend, "My friend has a huge crush on your friend." I didn't freak out until AFTER I asked James to repeat what he had said going back to our table. As James was telling his friend, I told my "friend" something like "I'm going back to the table and I won't let you stop me!" (at least, it seemed like I yelled at her... my throat was still sore... on Tues, I could hardly talk AT ALL). Back at the table, we had to reenact what had happened to my closer friends.... one of which makes wild accusations that HE tries hard to look cool in front of me, and that he is "madly in love" with me.... yes, she says that, I SWEAR!
Anyway, one of HIS friends (Randy) is also one of my closer friend's friend. She's awesome. Anyway, so Randy asked me "Was that the first time you've talked to him?"
'Oh, god no.' I think I buried my head for a bit... even though James spoke in 'code', they knew EXACTLY who it was. "Yes."
"So you like him even though you don't know him."
That's exactly what I hate the most about this....
After a while, Randy tapped on my shoulder and said something along the lines of: "Not to bring your hopes down or anything... but he's not really, but kinnds seeing someone..."
I said I didn't really care... because THEN I didn't. I was still getting over the fact that I DID talk to him... or rather ALL of the them. ALL of the friends. It wasn't JUST him... that would've been SO much worse.
My close friend said, "So what?!" She is the same person who STILL says that he is "madly in love" with me. Randy said that HE felt bad... which made me feel bad... so whenever I think about him looking at me on Wednesday, with the sun shining on him (*holy choir*), I always think about what Randy said... and I feel bad. If I had known he was seeing someone... I wouldn't have tried so desperately to make myself talk to him....
By the way... how can you "not really, but kinda" be seeing someone?
Wish me luck on the rest of my finals!!
Mood~ Stressed
Listening~ "New Noise" by Refused (over and over)
Watching~ My brother has an OLD Nancy Drew movie on... no joke
Reading~ "Wicked" by... Nancy... and someone else...
 CosmicEpiphany · Sat Jun 16, 2007 @ 04:47am · 2 Comments |
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Update on my life...
My boyfriend and I broke up over winter break. I wanted to just be friends. Back to school... he ignores me. And I'm still trying to recover from that, because he broke my heart... it was SUCH A SIMPLE TASK, and he wasn't able to do it. Now... it can't go back. Everywhere I look, he's there. Everytime I look up, he's there. And everytime I look at him, my heart breaks into a hundred more pieces.... And if you're reading this (you know who you are), then good for you. Apparently he was ignoring me because our break-up was "too odd"... what the ********?! It was NOT "too odd"!! It was destined to happen, I was going to break up with him sooner or later, and he goes and IMs me that he senses something's wrong. Well goddamnit, he was right.
So, I hated the male gender for a good week or two. Kevin (his guy), helped me get through it better... helped me stay happy. During that, he broke up with his fiance, and here he is cheering me up. Damn...
The new school semester started on the 26th of January... my classes are HORRIBLE. The days go by so slowly. I'm not changing the classes, because whatever I would end up getting IS going to be boring, and in this new schedule, I do have at least 1 friend in every class... whereas last semester, before and after Elle was in it, I had no one in my math class, jerks in my World Geography class.... But now I have Health... with 90% guys.... freaking HEALTH.... ok, I'll explain my schedules:
Last semester I had in this order: World Geo, Math, Computer Apps, Lunch, English, Chemistry, P.E.
This semester it's as such: Math, Health, P.E., Lunch, English, Computer Apps, Chemistry.
I'm bloody serious when I say (over and over) Math first period should be ILLEGAL!!! Jerky guys in Health, but at least I have my best friend in that class (and for the time being, at the same table), P.E. is a double-class, with the huge-ego health freak I had last year, English is with the same people, but now I actually have HOMEWORK in that class, such homework that keeps you up till midnight. Computer Apps is with a troll as a teacher, and I sit by 2 idiots that are in the lower level (both smell horrible). Chemistry is also with idiots, but I still have my lab partner.
This is just the BEGINNING of the semester, and I'm already getting behind even though I'm working my ******** a** off!
My dad got carpal tunnel (or w/e) surgery, so he's going to be home for like... 2 weeks.... today was his 2nd day home... feels much longer. I barely even see/talk to my family thanks to the English homework I have. I have to be trapped in my room because HUMANITY itself bugs the hell out of me when I actually WANT to get something DONE!
If there really is a God out there... he must really hate me, no, scratch that, he must LOATHE me.
Oh, and today I woke up with a sore throat that I had all day. Why? Because I nearly freaking lost my voice from yelling at this group to ******** SHUT UP for at least 4 minutes straight.
One of the worst weeks of my life has ended just so another terrible week can begin.
~Megan~
Mood~ Pissed off evil
Listening~ The non-existant wind
Watching~ Nothing
Reading~ Greek Gods and Heroes (English... we have to read it AND take notes... this week, we had basically 2 days to read and take notes on 16 pages)
CosmicEpiphany · Sat Feb 11, 2006 @ 07:35am · 0 Comments |
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EVERYONE!! This is one of the few days where you can dress however you want and not freak people out! Let us chow down on candy until we puke!
Sadly... I did not go trick or treating this year... first year of not doing it... I'm sad. crying
Well, Happy Halloween!
mrgreen
CosmicEpiphany · Tue Nov 01, 2005 @ 05:54am · 0 Comments |
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Long time, yes, and I apologize.
Life is... the same, pretty much. School is hell besides my friends. I have no clue what I'm doing for Halloween... well, I kinda do, but I'm not sure if it's falling through. My best friend's grandma is terribly sick and in the hospital. Another friend's grandpa had a heart attack, and she doesn't even know what's going on. I've got good grades, I broke a guy's heart, I have a boyfriend, and my parents are thinking of upping my prescription.... Yeah, same ole, same ole. Well, except for the boyfriend and the breaking of a friend's heart.
I do still miss Skyler, and nothing will change that. It's amazing how many people miss him. I mean, Frank even misses him, that's just... sad. Frank always had his distance from Skyler, in more than one way. I swear, Skyler is mentioned at least 3 times a week at school... well, from what I hear. Lately Quoia hasn't been at school, and she's the only one that actually wants to talk about Skyler-- they were best friends. And yet... no one has heard from him. Quoia was pissed that he left without a goodbye. Every time the phone rings, my mind instantly hopes that it's Skyler... not yet has that voice been right.
People say: forget him; he's not coming back; he's probably forgotten about us all. But my heart won't accept that. He still remembers us. He made me who I am today, and I can't thank him enough for that. I'll never forget about the guy with the funny laugh and the contagious sick mind. *holds Berry tightly*
I'm going to go now and reminescence before I bore you all to death.
CosmicEpiphany · Mon Oct 31, 2005 @ 03:13am · 0 Comments |
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My birthday was on the 14th, so if any of you care, I'm 15 now. My birthday was close to s**t, so don't ask.
School started on Aug. 29. Freshman at the town's only highschool... I hate it, but many upperclassmen think I'm a sophmore, so that part is awesome ^_^. I feel so proud of myself. My favorite class currently it Advanced Freshman English. And my LEAST favorite class is PE, of course. Fav teacher is Mrs. Lewallen, my English teacher. My least fav teacher is Mrs. Wysaski, my Math teacher.... I have a feeling that I will fall asleep during her class sometime this year *tries hardest to keep eyes open*.
Well, just thought to let you all know that I'm still alive and stuff. Damn, I need to get on this site more often *mumbles to self*
~Megan~ ~Let the shattered tears fall~
Mood~ tired stare
Listening~ "Note To Self" by From First To Last
Watching~ Sin City (weird)
Reading~ Quizilla stories (again)
CosmicEpiphany · Sun Sep 18, 2005 @ 12:04pm · 0 Comments |
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Yeah, I'm alive. Just coming to tell you all that I have a new myspace account here. You can ask to add me, talk to me, or whatever. Or just meet my other friends if you happen to not like me. I really don't feel like saying anymore, so I'm gonna go and listen to more Charlie Drown xd
~Megan~
Mood~ Interested neutral
Listening~ "Beta Switch" by Charlie Drown
Watching~ Skeleton Key (AWESOME MOVIE!!!!)
Reading~ stories on Quizilla
CosmicEpiphany · Sun Aug 21, 2005 @ 12:00pm · 0 Comments |
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...Lonely here waiting for something to happen...
Tomorrow night, 3 relatives of mine are flying in to stay at my house... MY HOUSE! They live an hour north of Denver, Colorado, and now they're taking a vacation to the Pacific Northwest. After they come, I'm not ALLOWED to go on the internet when they're here. I didn't hear anyone say if I could listen to loud music, but I will put some one to annoy someone. Oh, I'm an atheist... Carlton (My mom's youngest bro) is a minister at some chruch. Renee (Carlton's wife) is a teacher at some Christian school. And Austin (their 11-year-old kid), who I bloody hope isn't annoying as the last time he was when he was 4 and I was 7... the last time they came... not counting the time when we where at HAWAII at the time (oh happy days!) when they came to "visit". So I'm gonna be off the internet quite a bit, I believe. Oh, and they're staying here for an entire WEEK!!! *dies*
None of my friends are online... and it's sad sad . The main people I talk to online are Brittni (me best friend), Cara (Christian, but she has a side she hides that shows the reason she put faith in God), and Visha (but she hasn't been on very much lately). I've known Britt for... almost 7 years I believe... Duno when I first met Cara, but we became friends last year, I think. And I met Visha a few months ago on Habbohotel.com and she is SO cool, we give advice to each other and can talk about ANYTHING. Anyway, I feel this... NEED for friends, and since I can't talk to them or anything, I have to talk to my cats, or just talk to myself like what I'm doing now... I don't know if anyone reads this crap. And after I write it, I don't usually read it again, so I duno.
It's odd thinking that I might not see Skyler for a long time. I keep on thinking that he'll forget about me or that he doesn't care for me... Skyler asked me to draw him a picture that he would keep on the last day of school. I drew a girl with longish hair, big eyes, a few necklaces (one of them including a pentagram), and I made it so you could see the top of her corset... I didn't show any chest. I asked Sky if there was anything that he wanted changed or something since he was going to keep it. He told me to "show some figure" is what I'll say, but he said it worse. I took my notebook and hit him on the head with it before sitting back on the desk 2 feet away from him and trying to show a little bust on the top. I looked up at Skyler who was still laughing about what he said and how I reacted. I held back a smile, saying, "Just imagine it, Skyler. Just imagine it in your mind." He then closed his eyes, to which I gave a deep hopeless sigh. I just drew a picture, inspired from one of Chevelle's songs... duno which one. I've been listening to the cd over and over again for about 4 hours. Looking at this pic, I realized that this was something that Skyler would love... and it has the whole figure unlike that other one I gave him (at his command). I want to send him this picture... but of course, I don't have his address or anything, and I'm thinking that I will never know it. *sigh* It's a pretty picture, too. And if I think it's a pretty picture, it must be... I didn't really like that one I gave Skyler, but he said he liked it. He did say he wanted to see a pic of me after my surgery. So, does that mean he's still hoping to give it to me? He doesn't even know my address... oh geez, just shoot me already. I wish my friends were more available to talk to than they have been lately cry .
Oh!! And if, for some reason, there's a motocross person reading this, we have motocross here in the town I live in. If you're a big fan, then you should know where I live. It's a big town that is on the map to motocrossers, yet to everyone else, it's an invisible city. ^_^ we just had a parade in the next city over on... Saturaday. It was fun as usual. You get lotsa candy!! Oh, and if you're a history nerd (Nerds are cool), the town I live in was the FIRST American (not British) colony built North of the Columbia River. Good luck figuring out where I live, people!
...Lonely here waiting for something to happen...
~Megan~ heart I miss Skyler heart
Mood~ stare dunno...
Listening~ "Panic Prone" by Chevelle (they ROCK xd )
Watching~ Dark Water (AWESOME movie!! Go see it if you haven't! Well, it was good in my mind...)
Reading~ "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" by JK Rowling (actually I finished it a while ago, and in my mind it is the best of the series yet biggrin )
CosmicEpiphany · Mon Jul 25, 2005 @ 12:33pm · 0 Comments |
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Another moment of my life |
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Once again, I don't mind that no one reads this. This is just a way for me to vent, especially when none of my friends are on (like now).
What can I say? My brother is a jerk. Sometimes I can't believe he does some of the things he does. I remember a LONG time ago when I was little, I bit my brother, Matt's, n****e... I just remember being showed the "damage" and being scolded at. I believe that we had company over... I think we did.
Well, my brother is almost an opposite of me. Yea, I'm 14 and he's 22, I'm short and he's tall. The thing I can't STAND about him is that
1) He likes Kylie Minogue... or at least her music. He has this thing with British pop singers (no offense), and he likes old stuff... I like new.
2) He's the "goody-goody" and I'm always expected to follow his shoes... academically at least.
3) He has this.... additude. Like when he says that my music sounds flat, boring, uninteresting, and... pop. POP?!?! I'll take to a ******** MCR concert and see if he calls them pop again. I mean HE is the one that listens to pop, yet when he asks if I'M listening to pop in a disgusted voice... I just want to strangle him. He HATES Harry Potter... hates so many things that I love, and the thing is... he's a COMPLETE critic!!! He critizes (sp?) anything and everything.
Around last October, I believe, there was a commercial that I HAD to see, and I missed it. So I asked for the controller (we have Dish DVR), and Matt wouldn't give it to me, saying that I had already seen it before. My anger was rising fast, and I was trying to get the controller out of his hand. After a while I succeded, and sat back in my chair, pressing the playback button. Not sure what happened after, but I watched the commercial and Matt was saying... something. So I just said simply, "SHUT UP!!!" Matt looked surprised/scared, and said "Whoa, what's eating you? (I think)". My mom in the combined room also acted like I had said a cuss word... back then I barely said cuss words. I never said one in front of my parents yet..... wait, except for "s**t" and that was on the 25th when I accidentally spilled Coke (the drink, people) all over my parent's bedroom carpet.... that one just came out on it's own. ANYWAY, after I did that, they were both like... all weird, so I ran off to my room. My mom was acting like I had done a crime or something. I think I was crying because they weren't leaving me alone or something... and so I told my mom to think about the things my dad has done before freaking out about some little thing I did. My dad used to be a badass. He smoked, and he almost got put in jail for getting caught for something (as a teenager). But my dad quit when my mom got pregnant with Matt.... but he still does the occasional cussing now and then (Like this morning, he stepped in a hole in the ground outside, "s**t-- holy ********--" wink .
Today, Matt was in the kitchen with my mom, and I was on the counter by the kitchen eating strawberry shortcake (YUM). Matt says about seeing a co-worker's wife at work (Jack-In-The-Box.... or as Quoia and Skyler would say: Jack In The Crack), and it looked like she had come from "downtown Portland herself" (Portland, OR). My whole family isn't too fond of Oregon, and we live across the Columbia River from the East side of Portland. In other words, I live in Southwest Washington, and my once small, unknown town that I've grown up in all my life was being destroyed of all the open fields to be replaced with tons of big houses with no yards to ruin the homes of the now "evil" deer, bobcats, rabbits, coyotes, to make room for Californians and Oregonians to live amongst us, and ALOT of them at that. I'd like to show a before and after picture, but I highly doubt that will be possible. ANYWAY, supposedly downtown Portland is where all the "freaks" are. So he was saying that the guy's wife had tattoo's, earrings, jewellry, the lot (I think It's some kind of inside joke I'm not informed of). I hated that. I almost said "You better get used to seeing that then", since I have friends that have many piercings, tattoo's and whatnot. I'm not sure what I said but it came to "There's alot of freaky people at my school too. They dye their hair blonde, wear too much pink, and are as skinny as toothpicks. Then Matt goes on about how he doesn't notice things like that (the skinny as a toothpick part). That he doesn't notice things that he doesn't want to notice or something along those lines. I was just trying to get to the fact that I have friends that qualify under Matt's "Freaky" category, but he was all... UGH!!! So then I took a little bit of strawberry shortcake (now kinda mushy) and catapulted it at him with my spoon. It was a clear shot, and I added as he kept on talking about nonsense, "You deserved that". Then Matt goes and flicks the stuff off his shirt, and it gets on mine... "That was uncalled for!" Mom: "What?" Matt: "I'm just cleaning off my shirt." I'm not sure if I said this out loud, but I thought "While he's flicking it straight at me." You don't FLICK food off of something to clean it... but then again, Matt's a crazy, unclean, nasty monster. Matt was all cool about it, and I ran off to the living room where my dad was clutching my beloved strawberry shortcake. My mom freaked out on me. "Throwing food?! Clean it up!" My dad had no clue what was going on, and he was asking me what happened, so I just shrugged and such. I tried not to listen to my mom yelling at me, I just ignore people when I don't want to talk to them. After finishing eating, I went to the computer room (where I am now), and after a few minutes my mom came in and apologized for yelling and such. Then she asked me if I did what I did to show Matt that he was being mean and words just wouldn't cut it. I guess that's what it was... I'm not sure.
~Megan~ "Don't act like you know me... because you don't." ~me
Mood~ scream upset
Listening~ "Blue and Yellow" by The Used
Watching~ The Core (bad)
Reading~ "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" by J.K. Rowling (reading entire series again)
CosmicEpiphany · Mon Jul 04, 2005 @ 11:01am · 0 Comments |
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Remember how Skyler was leaving on the 25th? Well the very same ******** day, I got the stomach flu. Meaning I was throwing up all freaking day long, wanting to DIE, basically, while Skyler was walking out of my life. My stomach is still slightly sore from turning over so many times.
I don't feel like typing anything, but I will say one more thing... I don't know how I will survive this summer... not sure how to survive the last years of school I have. I don't know what's gotten me this far... maybe hope that my life will become better.... not sure.
ALSO, I had an AWESOME dream last night ^_^, it was of Gerard (mainly) and the rest of MCR. I got woken up by the stupid neighbor screaming her lungs out, and I couldn't fall back asleep in hopes of continuing the dream =(
~Megan~ ~If you have a life, then get on with it and stop judging mine! -me~
Mood~ neutral content
Listening~ "Under Pressure" by The Used & My Chemical Romance
Watching~ Boogieman (LAME)
Reading~ "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau
CosmicEpiphany · Thu Jun 30, 2005 @ 10:48pm · 0 Comments |
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