How to Annoy Itachi:
* Ask him if he needs medicine to treat his red-eye problem
* Ask him if he is actually a girl
* Show him online fan art of him and Kisame (enough said."
* Glomp him
* Tell him that Chiyo of the Sand fell in love with him after battling his clone, and that she wants to elope with him
* Try to steal his nail polish
* Replace his Akatsuki cloak with a pink, frilly Hello Kitty cloak
* Tell him that Deidara has been drawing a romance manga about the Itachi x Sakura pairing, and that it will go on the market next week
* Wait until Itachi turns his back, then cut off his ponytail (then, GET OUT OF THERE quickly while laughing maniacally)
* Ask him if he's ever eaten shark's fin soup- then, offer him some. If he asks where it came from, look guilty and fidget uncomfortably, as if you're avoiding telling him something...
* Confess your love to him (especially if you actually don't like him...)
* Offer to buy him a seeing-eye dog
* Ask him if the Akatsuki offers him disability payments for his vision problem
* Ask him if he's Kisame's father
* Tell him that he and Tobi are cousins [editor's note: if the popular online Obitobi theory is true, they actually are!]
* Show him this website ^_^;;
* Let him search his own name at deviantART
* ...or at Google Image Search... 0_o;;
* Congratulate him on the birth of his child- then get out of there before he can ask you what on earth you're talking about. Leave him wondering.
* Tell him that you think weasels are cute
* Sneak up behind him and say, "Weasel, weasel, weasel..."
* Tell him that, according to the little-known sequel to the "Da Vinci Code," he and Kisame are the ancestors of George Bush and that they hold the keys to the Hidden Treasure of Popcorn. Continue to elaborate on the stupid storyline as you see fit- throw in plenty of conspiracy theories and crack pairings for good measure. Be sure to include something about the key to it all being in Sasori's wooden left leg. Then video tape them as they try to find his body and dig him up to get it.
* Offer to give him a manicure
* Tell him that Kisame has been waiting for him to fatten up for the New Year's feast. Show him a fake Mist Village cookbook with recipes for Uchiha humans in it.
* Tell him that your sister has the hots for Kisame, and offer to pay him to set them up on a date. When you come to drop off the "hot girl" that Itachi has been telling Kisame about, instead leave a goldfish in a fishbowl. Then run away (quickly!) while laughing hysterically.
* Plant a book of shark porn in his things, in a place where Kisame will find it. See which happens first- Kisame having a nervous breakdown, or the two of them killing eachother.
* Tell him that Kisame has hentai of his mother.
* Ask him if he left Konoha because he was intimidated by Sasuke's power.
* Show him pictures of curse-mark Sasuke, while humming the theme from "BatMan." Ask him if the "bat wings" are genetic.
* Offer to give him a footrub- then steal his shoes and run.
* Look him straight in the face (avoiding his eyes, however) and tell him how ugly he is.
* Tell him that he looks queerer than a three-dollar bill. Assume that he won't know what that expression means, but run anyway.
* Ask him where he bought his cosplay contacts.
* Tell him that Might Guy is handsomer than him [note: in my opinion, true]
* Tell him that you found what he had hidden in his old house in Konoha. Leave before he can ask you what you mean. With any luck, he'll head back to Konoha to rumage through the Uchiha house- and get captured by the ANBU, whom you informed beforehand.
* Wait for him to take a shower or change clothes, and when he removes his chainmail, spray-paint it bright pink. Tell him that Sasori did it in the name of art. Now we can find out whether the Sharingan works on a puppet! Isn't this educational? smile
* Force him to watch "Survivor."
* Beat him senseless (somehow!) and tell him, "You're weak... why are you weak? Because you lack love!" [note: I would actually like to do that...]
How to annoy Kisame:
* Offer him a job at Captain D's [a popular sea-food chain]
* Offer him a bowl of shark's fin soup
* Ask him if his mother was a goldfish
* Glomp him
* Replace the skull on Samehada's hilt with a smiley face [note: we did it [link])
* Ask him if he's ever read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
* Mention that the shark Captain Nemo kills in the book is one of Kisame's ancestors, and suggest that Kisame track down Captain Nemo in order to avenge him. Then, laugh at his futile efforts to locate his ancestor's killer.
* Tell him that he and the Little Mermaid would be a good couple...
* ...or, ask him if he wants to eat the Little Mermaid... 0_o;;
* Offer to let him crash in your aquarium for free, as long as he doesn't eat the other fish
* Tell him how handsome his blue skin makes him
* ...or, ask him if his blue skin is due to being frozen in the fish market
* Ask if Suigetsu is his long-lost child. When he says no, mutter something like, "Well, that's not what the DNA tests said..." Then, run away before he can ask you anything.
* Ask him if he gave up his voice to become human, but only got a half-way job- leaving him with an ugly voice and shark-like features
* Steal his sword and use it as a surfboard
* Buy him a Hawaiian, floral-print T-shirt
* Put lipstick on him when he's sleeping
* Tell him that you ate his cousin for lunch last Tuesday
* Ask him if HE's part of a healthy low-carb diet
* Poke him in the "gills" and see if it kills him...
* Force him to watch Jacques Cousteau documentaries (if you don't get that, Google is only a step away...]
* Wait for him to get injured, then tell Itachi that it's time to euthanize him. Put him in a giant cup of water and put him in the freezer...
* ...and when he looks dead, take him out and bury him.
* Ask him if he likes sweet lolita
* Tell him he'd be a good couple with Sailor Neptune. Happily send him off to woo her before he can think of any reasons why not.
* Ask him if he uses Samehada to shave in the morning.
* Ask him if he thinks that fish-scented perfume is alluring.
* Offer him a bucket of chum.
* Play the theme music from "Jaws" whenever he appears.
* Spray-paint Samehada to look like a surfboard, then offer to give him surfing lessons. Try to escape on land- remember, a shark is usually faster than a human is in the water. [note: if you're a dolphin, go ahead and fight back in the water. Send me a video of the results...]
* Ask him if he's an alien.
* Tease him about how Itachi is more popular with women than he is.
* Fry some fish, and wait for the scent to lure him in. Have 20 ninjutsu-trained French chefs waiting...
How to Annoy Deidara:
* Ask him if he's the one who drew the (very graphic) Akatsuki doujinshi you saw online
* Show him fan art of him and Sasori (you know what type of fan art I'm talking about... T T)
* Ask him why he's too cheap to put glaze on his ceramics
* Tell "dumb-blonde" jokes
* Ask him if he's a girl
* Show him the fan sites online that say he's a girl
* Explain to him why Tobi is far cooler than him
* Tell him that his hairstyle looks like a Pomeranian's butt [which, indeed, it DOES]
* Explain 100 reasons why exploding ceramics will never be a recognized art genre by the official art associations
* Try to order 25 exploding lawn-flamingoes from him. When he says that he doesn't make exploding lawn flamingoes, say something like "Well, that's not what I heard from Tobi..." ...Then, get out the video camera to record Deidara attacking Tobi so that you can post it on YouTube
* Ask him if he's ever kissed the mouths on his hand
* Ask him if he can slurp up spaghetti through his hands
* Ask him how he put on his toenail polish when he lost his hands
* Ask him if he's George de Sand's and Marie Louise's son [note: G-Gundam fans will notice the similarities in their appearances...]
* Ask him if he ever poses in drag for other artists
* Offer to pay him and Tobi to pose for a DeiTobi doujinshi you're drawing
* Kiss one of the mouths on his hands (if you have a strong stomach... >_<; wink
* Tell him that his hands/arms are handsome. Suggest that he wear a sleeveless shirt at all times. Then, watch everyone flee from him in disgust.
* Repeatedly try to brush his bangs out of his face. When this becomes obviously impossible, cut them off with a kunai knife and toss them into Zetsu's open jaws.
* Have a doctor come and examine him to see if he really is a guy...
* ...then bribe the doctor to publish a fake report saying that he isn't.
* Ask him if he turns into a guy when splashed with cold water. When he insists that he is a guy, demand that he prove it. ...then have him arrested for flashing you, and sue him for an enormous sum of money.
* Ask him if he's related to Paris Hilton. Come up with a pseudoscientific argument stating that since they both have light hair, they must be at least distantly related. Suggest that he try to claim a share of her family's fortune...
* ...and try not to die of laughter when Hilton's little dog thinks that Deidara's hairdo is its true love.
* Ask him for help putting on eyeliner- after all, his is always on so neatly. It must be his field of expertise, right?
* Replace all of the clay in his pouches with moldy cream cheese and send him into battle.
* Ask perverse questions about his hands. See how long before he turns red or tries to kill you. Make a note of which happens first for the benefit of future Deidara teasers.
How to annoy Sasori:
* Show him the movie "Pinnochio," and then ask him when he's going to become a real boy
* Taunt him for being beaten by his grandmother and a teenage girl
* Tell him that after he lost, Deidara sold all of his puppet-making art supplies and used the money to buy hentai
* Ask him if his resemblance to Gaara caused any accidents when they went to capture Gaara
* Ask him if he ever dresses his puppets Goth Lolita
* Hold a hamburger in front of him and talk about how a puppet can't eat it...
* Ask if you can add him to your doll collection
* Ask him if he's ever dated a Dolfie
* Tell him that all he really needs is a hug... Then, suggest that he hug Kisame
* Dress his puppets in wild clothes without him knowing- then, when he summons them, pretend that it's a fashion show and make announcements accordingly
* Tell him that he's really to old to be playing with dolls.
* Poke him at different places and ask him which parts of him are real. When you find a real part, continue poking as you please.
* Ask him if he even has a gender, since his body is that of a wooden puppet... Depending on who you are, this question might run from rude to perverse...
* Tell him that his grandmother has knitted a really cute sweater for him and is waiting to mail it to him. Be sure to describe the [hideous] sweater in great detail.
* Start carving strange, tribal markings into his wooden legs. When he asks what the *blank* you're doing, tell him that you're carving a totem pole. Try to be wearing Native American clothing at the time, for added effect.
Take off one of his wooden limbs and throw it to Akamaru. Have a delightful game of fetch until Sasoris starts tossing poison blades in an effort to get his body part back.
* Ask him if he's a natural redhead.
* Ask him if he made himself prettier when he remade his body out of wood. If he says yes, tell him that he should have put more time into it.
* Tell him that Deidara is way cooler. Try to get the two of them into a death match. Then, while they're fighting, break into their rooms and steal their art supplies. It's way cheaper than going to an art store.
How to Annoy Zetsu:
* Ask him if his parents were an avid gardener and a petunia
* Ask him if he has any known food allergies
* Tell him that Deidara's died, so now he's stuck with Tobi again
* Offer to give him piano lessons. Too bad that his arms are inside of the plant...
* Do fan art like this
* Write fanfiction about him being in love with various types of vegetation [note: SuperWombat has done this]
* Ask him if the plant that he grows on his head is legal. Pretend to doubt him when he says that it is legal and then clip off part of it to take to the police for testing.
* Ask him if he escaped from a Disney movie about the jungle [i.e., "The Jungle Book"]
How to Annoy Tobi:
* Tell him that he's been kicked out of the Akatsuki and replaced with Sasori's grandmother, Chiyo
* Ask him why he's wearing a basketball on his head- then, ask if it's okay to use his head for a basketball game
* Tell him that not only is his sempai [Deidara] a girl, but is also in love with him
* Tell him that he's actually a very bad boy
* Plot with him about how to defeat Deidara and take his clay supply- then, leave Tobi to get caught alone
* Brag to him about how you killed Kakashi with a plastic spoon
* Report to the leader of the Akatsuki that Tobi's been stealing the group's toilet paper and selling it to get money for comic books (especially if you're actually the one who's been doing it!)
How to Annoy Hidan:
* Use his head as a paper-weight
* Tell head jokes
* Put his head in the same fishtank as Kisame
* Dump his head in your purse [or, if you're a guy, your backpack] and go on a long hike
* Nominate him for a Darwin Award.
* Give his head a makeover- put on gratuitous amounts of makeup, curl his hair into ringlets, etc. Then take a photograph and release it onto the internet. Go back online a few days later to see how far it has spread- be sure to have Hidan on your desk where he can get a good view of the monitor.
* Ask him if his silver hair is because he's OLD.
* Use his sickle to peel canteloupe.
* ...or donate his sickle to Deidara, to be used in carving clay.
* Tell him that the grim reaper called, and he wants his sickle back.
* Steal his sickle and use it to cosplay as Sailor Saturn [note: if you don't get that, then you've been living under a rock...]
* Steal the headband that he wears around his neck, and replace it with a much prettier pink "necklace."
* Tell him that Kakuzu sold him on Ebay- to a kindergarten!!
* Glomp his head- Oops! You accidentally killed him. Too bad...
How to Annoy Kakuzu:
* Suggest that he start donating to charity
* Steal all of his money and use it to buy something ridiculous and non-returnable
* Ask him if he has to take heart medication
* Make scarecrow jokes
* Ask him if his grandmother is the one who taught him how to cross-stitch
* Ask him to help you with an embroidery project
* Ask him if he's the one who sewed the Akatsuki uniforms
* Donate a cow-heart from the meat section to him. Tell him that it's from the fifth Hokage. Then, watch the amusement.
* Tell him that he sews like a woman [idea taken from someone else's comic]
* Suggest that he join Chiyo of the Sand's quilting club. Tell him that it meets every Tuesday and provides free tea and pastries. Continue explaining why the other members would be thrilled to have him join them.
* Ask him if he's ever tried to sew boots out of snakeskin. Tell him that it's a great idea and mention that white snakeskin is particularly popular. Then, point him in the direction of Orochimaru's hideout in search of white snakes.
* Tell him that he reminds you of Frankenstein.
* Tell him that after seeing his sewing job on Deidara's arms, five international medical associations have banned him from ever practicing medicine.
* Tell him that Hidan secretly admires him, and wants to take sewing lessons from him. Grab a video camera and hide in the bushes to see the fun that follows when he offers to teach Hidan how to sew...
· Thu Jun 11, 2009 @ 01:31am · 1 Comments