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Well, this idea came to me October 21st 10:33 am as I was sitting at my computer wondering what to do. I enjoy to think about life and its complexities at times, but often can get overwhelmed with all I think about, so this is going to be one of the many ways I vent it all. Though I can vent in the lyrics I write, I believe that this is another excellent way to really flesh out and give insight on what goes on in my mind, and a personal commentary of my life up to this point.

Before that, here is some quick information about me. I am 17 and my birthday is Febuary 17th. My favorite color is Teal but it's hard to find good teal shirts it seems. I am a Christian, but trust me, I don't and will never think I am perfect. I've been playing guitar for three years now, and I own a Fender Stratocaster and Ovation Celebrity. I lead worship at a youth group called the MAC (Mad About Christ)

The thing most nagging at my mind right now and seems to be something worth reflecting on is my personal emotional rollercoaster that I have chosen to ride. Depression to happiness as never been more mixed as the constant drops and loops in emotion have never seem so overwhelming. I guess its a normal thing right now though. The fact is, I am almost 18, I work 20+ hours a week, maintain a full class schedule, and I am dealing with relationships with friends as well. The moral of the story in the end is that stress is inevitable, and I believe it helps a person develop a stronger reliance on God in the end. I have come to really rely on God, but He had to break me with this stress before I would willingly submit my stress and pain to Him.

That said, that brings me to reflection numero dos. Relying on God is something I have never done before in my life. Sure, I believe in God, I believe Christ died on the cross for my sins, but my personality was one that desired to help others, not to be helped. So when problems, stress, pain, depression, came my way, I naturally tried to deal with them myself, and if I couldn't do that, I would bottle them up away and hope to forget about them. That, of course, led to the emotional breakdowns I have experienced over the last 5 weeks. With the stress being intensified, the bottle finally burst, and the emotional rollercoaster began. But thats where God was able to do His work. He showed me that by not relying to Him, I shunned a growing relationship with Him. He showed me that He desires to help me, and will always be there for me when others let me down. So honestly, I am still on that rollercoaster. Everyday I fight tooth and nail to try to stay happy, stay positive, to find some sort of joy in my life, but now I am also relying on God, and it is bringing me a peace even through my depression.

The last reflection of my life I would like to talk about is more of a way to thank an amazing person who will probably be reading this soon. Through my life, I've met many people who I thought I could talk to and trust, but have let me down in the end. I began to grow cold, and more often then not shrugged off close trusting relationships for shallow, superficial ones. But this person was different. Who would have thought chasing around a 14 year old (lol I still have a good laugh at that) around a lunchroom to say that he had a cool shirt would start a great friendship. I am honestly amazed about how open she is, how trustworthy she is, and how much she cares for other people. Reflecting on this, I am amazed how she has always cared about me and prayed for me when I was going through rough times. So thank you. And if you are reading this..........Don't laugh and Tee Hee! And don't forget the pirate pirate ARR!!!!

So I don't expect every entry to be this long. I had alot to cover but I managed to give a quick little catch up. Overall, I want to quickly say how much I really owe God. He has given me so much, and I don't deserve any of it. I just hope I can really start improving my relationship with Him, and relying on Him more, so I can better serve Him in the days to come.

The Daily Comedic Relief:

So the man who wrote the Hokey Pokey died a few days ago. It was really sad, the whole family is shocked at the suddeness of his death. The funeral was held yesterday but there were some problems. Whenever they put his left leg in the coffin, he stuck his right one out, and when they put his right leg in, he stuck his left one out, and would shake it all about.

That was your daily comedic relief. Have an amazing day!!! cool