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The Dark Alleys of my mind Watch out. You might get jumped and butt-raped in here.


Raymond Jason Foxx
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Out in an area just past Barton Woods and almost as far as Durham Reclamation facility, Ray sits in his cabin staring at a box he's holding. It's not a very pretty box nor a fancy one. In fact, it's a rather bland cardboard box that he has managed to decorate with a little ribbon. He did his best to make a nice bow, too. It contains a small present that he'd managed to get two days earlier, just one day before Christmas Eve so he felt he'd gotten his shopping done in a timely fashion. --For him, anyway.

Just across from him is a tree, which he looks up from the present to look up at it. It's a pretty boring tree. A sad one, really. At least he went out to get it and chopped it down himself. And went to all the trouble to buy a stand for it. He used some garland he found that had already been in the cabin. Sure, the tinsel was falling off of it, and it was really sad looking, but he had wrapped it around the tree with care and it was evenly spaced. He had no lights, though. And no ornaments. And no one to share it with.

He grimaced ruefully and put the package down and slid it under the tree. "Well, Sien. ..." he looked forward and didn't finish that thought aloud. He'd thought he hoped Sien was having a good Christmas. But he was sure he wasn't. He sucked in a slow breath, closed his eyes, and fought back the tears he felt nag at the corners of his eyes as he felt his heart buckle over. He stood up slowly and fought the urge to pass out. He considered going over to Cheryll's. The Reclamation Facility wasn't that far away. If her portal was still up... He shuddered at the idea.

Sien was supposed to be doing this alone. Or at least, that's what he seemed to have wanted. Still, he was planning to go out and sneak through at some point and try to make his way to Sien. He was sure he wasn't having a good time and he worried about him. He also wondered how time was passing there. If Sien even knew it was Christmas.

Well, it was Christmas. He wasn't sure what to do about it. There was no Sien and there was no... nobody. No Shinto, no Matt... no nobody. All his little friends in his little black book were gone, too. He'd stopped contacting them some time ago, and, well, with his promise to Sien, he wasn't planning on starting them up again. Still, the thought of Shinto had occurred to him. He had been a good friend and a solid mate. Even he would be great to spend time with right now. If he had been around.

Which he wasn't. Shin was as good as dead to him. He couldn't figure out why he bothered thinking about him. Well, no use dwelling on the past. He rose up and headed out, climbed into his truck and drove down the dusty dirt path. It wasn't even snowing. He didn't even have to fight the snow to drive down the dirt road. There was no white, pretty, fluffy white flakes floating down to break up the scene... He looked out across the grey landscape and let his auto pilot mind function take him home.

He went in and up the stairs to Matt's cabin outside of Barton Town. He looked in at the lonely house. It felt hollow and haunted with no Night and no Sien. ...No Matt and no Jack. His eyes glazed over and, though they had momentarily focused on the fridge, the idea of a beer popping into his mind, still on auto-pilot, after closing the door, he came across the couch, almost stumbled across it really, and found himself sitting in it, arm draped across the back in a very typical fashion. He'd forgotten to get to the fridge.

He found himself staring outward, forward where a tv ought to be, but Matt didn't have one. The silence of the room rang out to him. Just as he'd drifted into an almost vegetative state, ready to give up and just zone out... Really, he was almost in a "sleep-with-his-eyes-open" state. A small body came up from behind him. A small, gentle, and tentative body, came and touched him on the shoulder.

He straightened up, startled a bit, and turned and looked to see Jack. "...Jack!!" he said with some surprise. He hadn't really expected to see him. He'd just mentally decided he wasn't there! "What are you doing here?"


Jack frowned and looked surprised, too, and maybe just a little insulted. "...I'm here!" he said, nodding over to his room. "I've... been here. Ever since dad moved in with Jonny." He seemed a little disappointed about that and maybe even a little mad.


"Wha-- wha-- Oh.
Huh. Well...
"


Jack smiled and placed his hand on Ray's shoulder and slid it slightly, rubbing it just a bit. "I was wondering if we might do Christmas. I got some decorations and... we could make some popcorn and maybe eat some candy??"


Ray laughed, smiled, and almost began to cry!! Jack... ever the optimist. Ever bringing his light, hearty, happy self into the picture. "Sh-sh-sure..!!" he said, laughing. Why hadn't he thought of it before? He felt so foolish and stupid sitting around waiting for Sien to show up, nearly crying because he didn't, when here, Jack, a young boy... with no father and no mother, no friends... and no boyfriend... wanted a Christmas. And here he was sitting here feeling sorry for himself.

Corey came upstairs and entered Ray's line of vision. "Sir, I've set up a tree with some materials I found in the house and decorated it with some led lights and other things resembling a typical Christmas tree. I hope it meets your approval." He gestured to a magnificent tree made with the accuracy and skill either only a computer or a very skilled craftsman could do.


It was gorgeous. "Oh, Corey, it's awesome!" Ray gushed. He hadn't really expected this. He hadn't even thought of Corey being active and he hadn't known where Jack was living, and he expected him, least of all, to come right out of his very own bedroom in the house Sien and he were sharing!!

Corey also had made a roast with vegetables and all the trimmings, including vegetarian platters for Little Jack. They made a few presents out of things in the house and made some decorations together and hung them up. While they had been working and eating, it had begun to snow without him even noticing. When he went to hang the decorations outside, he noticed all the snow everywhere!!

He and Jack went outside and played in it for awhile, making snowballs and snow angels, having snowball fights and trying to make forts either side of the yard for each of them. They laughed and had a great time and Ray found something to use as a sled and took Jack sledding. To which Corey declined to go, saying he wasn't sure what he would do and how much of his circuits he could repair if he "went splat." Ray conceded and the two went off alone.


Meanwhile, Corey kept the house heated and cleaned up the dishes and the messes from the crafts. When he saw them approaching again, he made Jack a peppermint hot cocoa and Ray a holiday coffee with mocha, cinnamon, caramel, and a few other warm, cozy holiday flavorings.


After all of that, they tried to play a few table-top games, but retired to Jack's room as he suggested and played some videogames, drank lots of soda and ate all kinds of candy and snacks til both of them were so wired and so tired at the same time. At Ray's "wise" older-years suggestion urged him to do, he suggested they both go to sleep, and Jack crawled into his bed, curled up and went to sleep quite shortly after that. Whereas Ray retired to the couch, stared at the ceiling for awhile, and eventually passed out or lost touch with his consciousness and must've... done something like sleep.

And that is the way Ray... and Jack... and Corey... spent their Christmas.





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So Violent.
I feel like tearing someone a new one.
I want a familiar face around so we can toss eachother around and I can let this feeling pass.




Raymond Jason Foxx
Community Member
dev1



Raymond Jason Foxx
Community Member
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Hnn... wow.
An event that demands a journal entry.
How much more intrusive are they going to get?
It's dictating we do just about everything there is on Gaia.
Including things I've refused to do because I don't like them.





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Oah! = - =||| *sighs*
I'm... sorry I haven't responded in awhile....


</3 It's just...


With Shinto gone...





....there's no point. --it seems...

anymore.




Raymond Jason Foxx
Community Member
dev1



Raymond Jason Foxx
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Hey.
I donno if I'll be around anymore. It's... not that I dun wanna rp with you. I do. But a lot of the stuff I did on gaia was sex-related and... It's pretty apparent (to me -- now) that it's a sexual addiction. The best way to quit, like with cigarettes, is to just quit. -- and not hang around those friends anymore. I'm not saying you guys aren't good friends, I just... don't like to have bad addictions. And I'd like to do what I can to break bad habits.


So... even if we don't wanna look at it this way... This may very well be Goodbye.

GoodBye.
It's been good times. And though I never want to let go, I'm afraid I have to. Remember to do your best to always do what's right. <3 Fare Well.





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Update
Well.. it's been a long time since I've been in here.
Reading back on my entries, it's pretty powerful what I wrote.


Well, at this point, I'm moved in with my boyfriend and... slowly, slowly getting over Katie. And just so ya'll know... for my boyfriend's sake... he's not gay. I'm a girl.




Raymond Jason Foxx
Community Member
dev1



Raymond Jason Foxx
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***You Are A Friendly Ex***

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

You and your ex are just friends - great friends really.
(At least that's what you keep telling yourself!)
While civility is a good thing, make sure you're not secretly wanting more...


What Type of Ex Are You?


Well... I answered honestly. As honestly as I can.





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Still Stuck.
She went to Nevada to stay. For an indeterminable amount of time. "I'm not sure anymore" why did she say that? And why did it seem she wanted me to stay?? It's all in my head again.

I watched Emporer's New Groove 2 while I was gone. I was fine till the end. "If they're finishing eachother's sentences, you know it's true love."
I should know better than to trust a movie to guide my life but... the more I watch, the more same-sex relationships bother me, and the more I see what Katie and I had was real. I keep trying to tell myself it's too late... but I think I'll be ******** up till the day she and I get together, or the day I die.

I heard a woman, the other day, tell someone else that she had no romantic feelings towards the husband she has at current and that it was a miracle from God. I mean... she's even got kids. ...I don't want that.
I don't want a relationship that wasn't 'real' to begin with that you 'become' attracted to...!! I-- I'd hate that. That's not the kind of romance I'd want!

I miss Katie. I miss her so badly... and I may never see her again.
At least... at least Meredith contacted me. It's strange. With all this tanglement with Katie and her talking about Rachel, I was thinking about her a lot. Then, Christy, without even knowing my thoughts, said that Rachel contacted her on MySpace! I was inspired to do something about my account. I haven't been back yet to do anything with it, but... then today/last night after coming back from Chicago, Meredith contacts me. It's weird. So... I'm thinkin maybe I'll pick up relations/contact with them and see how it goes.

Meredith's mind is horribly broken-up, as usual, and it's difficult to communicate with her because I can't tell if she hears a word I say. But, I've only spoken to her once and she seems to want to 'catch up', so... like I said, I'll see.




Raymond Jason Foxx
Community Member
dev1



Raymond Jason Foxx
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Curses. Kisses. Fishes.
I'm watching Lord of the Rings, the Return of the King. The part where Gollum works to pry Samwise and Frodo apart tears at me each time. I cannot help but remember how it was with me and Katie with Rachel in between. Am I like that to Katie and Chris? Perhaps. Perhaps not... I hope not. I'd hate to be that evil, that twisted, and selfish. I hope Katie is doing well. Despite the many number of times I've tried to forget her... said I hate her... I never have.

I came to the realization today... that I have never been in love. ...except perhaps this once. ...this once. The only other times I can recall being 'in love' were crush infatuations, 2 occasions, in highschool. I have not had a crush nor been in love since. ...again discounting the 'in love' since it's never happened. I came to this realization while writing a song.

First time Katie kissed me... and it was a few days later, I wrote a song. It seems that in these troubled times of my own that I've come to write songs to get it out. I avoid writing journals, and forget, often. Never used to (write them, that is). Well, more recently, a new song came to head, and I began to write it. Poetically and rhythmically, "Oh, s**t. I fell in love again." worked better. ...but then... It hit me. I froze.
I had to realize...
I'd never been in love before.

And I can't say that I am now... only that I love her. Love Her. Very, very deeply.
And... no matter how hard I try... I cannot forget her, nor get thoughts of her out of my head.

What I told her that night is very true. Very, very true.
I cannot, will not, ever forget her.
And though it feels sometimes... (most times) that she does not want my heart... I'm very afraid she has it. And can't let go. ....it's... it's like a hook. in a fish's mouth. ....tearing at my lip. ...I can't let go. I can't get free. Though it destroy me. Though I thrash and fight. ...she seems to reel me back in. No matter how hard I fight. Even if... she doesn't want me.





I'm sorry.




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