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This is an open letter to a certain someone. If you do not like to read these "emotional diarrhea" type letters then stop now and move on. It doesn't concern you anyway.

It seems we have been here once or twice before. It seems we had this conversation before. It saddens me that you can be this stubborn with this particular question. I have told you once before and many times after, YOU are my entire life. I am a ghost, i ceased to live once you took it upon yourself to not need me anymore. Emo is the word most would use, But Emo's feel, i do not. But this is not what this letter is about.

When we met, i told you of the Maelstrom my love life was. I explained to you carefully that i have been utterly destroyed once before. My pain was taken as a challenge instead of a warning. The naivete was refreshing, it made me laugh. Despite my best wishes i fell in love. There were bumps, in the beginning i admit you invested more into it than i have. I am not a sane man, so forgive me if i did not appreciate you in the beginning.

You were the ray of sunshine in the desolate wasteland that was my soul.
your innocence your naivete,your brightness and clueless-ness as to what you are getting yourself into;It pierced the blackness the hate the perversion that was once the human named German.

You were young, perhaps too young, i told you to run, "run away and never return" but you stood your ground, and now i hate you for it.

You wanted something in order to keep you in my life. Your requests were not extreme, in fact i agreed with you in a lot of them. I tried, i tried so hard. You are always quick to tell me that you do not believe in god, well i do. My god is not the eternal loving god which they tell you about in sunday school. My god doesn't have my best interests in mind. My god is a twisted evil god who mocks my very existence.

But I won't blame my god for my failures, i failed not him.

back to the point of this letter.
you probably won't care about it, one of my last words to you were that you are all business, emotion is not your fuel.
emotion is my fuel though, i hate to use the word "artist" so loosely but i am an artist. I'd like to believe i am one anyway. The emotions you can ignore so easily it drives me.
Pain,hurt,hate,jealousy,passion, it all stems down from one place, Love.
Love can turn ugly, it can twist into something evil and spiteful, but it came from love.

You found someone new, that's great, you deserve to be happy.
just know your happiness has a price, my pain.
I'm still in love with you, you might not be anymore, but i'm still here.
Alanis Morrisette said it best " i am here to remind you, of the mess you left when you went away, it's not fair to deny me, the cross i bear that you gave to me. You ought to know....

You cannot be my friend, i will not allow it. You are not like the rest, I know you look at her or her or the other one and ask why can they be your friends and i can't?
The answer is as simple as this, They did not love me as much as you did.
In the end the were not "the one". You wanted to be the one, you took the challenge with enthusiasm and now you don't want to be the one anymore.
I'm sorry but that's not how it works.

When i think of you i ache, with regret, with hurt, with love, with hate.
I picture this new person doing things to you that only i was allowed to before and i burn with jealousy and hate!.
You always hated that i was so mushy, i constantly annoyed you with my love.
Then feel relived that you will never experience that again.
No one ever will ever love you as much as i loved you, there will never be another me. I am the Alpha and Omega that creates German Paz.

when you ask yourself why we cannot be friends. Keep in mind you wanted this, you wanted to be my true love and you won. I will never ever love anyone as much as i loved you. You were my best friend, my confidant, my dream, my life, my love.

You cannot be my friend, because you are much much more, friend is too limited.
You are like the sun,i need you to live but i cannot look directly at you without going blind.

I love you