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Dear readers, (which I doubt ever really read these)

Do you remember my contorted stories about my past and all the other random crap I had wrong with myself, my family, and my life? Well, lets just say it's all in the past. I erased all my past stories because...that just isn't me anymore. Change has made things better in so many ways, and a little worse in others. But the good surpasses the bad, and my life is really good right now. I've made decisions to forgive myself for certain things, and forgive others as well. I keep the memories of my mistakes, but leave the guilt, the sadness, and regret behind. I look to the future now and feel a little better about what i might be able to become, who i might become. I laugh a little as i remember all the things i claimed where wrong with me to gain the attention i never got as a child. I thought that if i copied the people i thought had it good, i might end up with a life like theirs. I was wrong of course, and after so many arguments with myself, i started my process. I have opened up to people and i don't feel as afraid. I feel a little more confident in myself, although i'm still shy. i no longer hunger for the attention, or love, i'm really happy. Of course, there is still drama in my life, it just never seems to effect me as much as it used to, the little arguments no longer effect me in a really big way. i have many people to thank for that, but one stands out amongst the rest. He makes all the sadness i once had, and turns it into this amazing, overwhelming, joyous feeling and i can't help but smile. The past is in the past, and although i know i cannot forget it, i can forget the feelings i once thought were powerful enough to make me want to take my life. I'm glad i was to scared to follow through on such an act, if i had, i never would have met so many amazing people, and one who i plan on spending the rest of my life with. I can smile, laugh, love, live in complete happiness because my life can only get better with him. Things will bring me down, but as long as i remember all the lessons i had to learn, and all the feelings i felt with each passing year, i know that i will be happy. I will be infinitely happy and forever loved.

Wishing you all the same happiness and love and more,
Neko_Bukuro XOXO

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  • 02/12/12 to 02/05/12 (1)

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