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As we all know, my birthday was yesterday. I'm 20.. Woo hoo..

Starting at 12:01 April 13th.. s**t started going wrong. My friend locked her keys in her car so I had to take her home. I wasn't speeding the whole way and a cop clocked me going 61 in a 55 and said I was doing 61 in a 45 and wrote me one hell of a speeding ticket. It sucks..

THEN.. Being that I hadn't upgraded my license since I was 16 because it didn't expire until yesterday, I had a Class D license. That means I'm not allowed to drive after midnight, but really I was my license just didn't say that. So, I had to call my mom (I was spending the night with her) to come pick me and my friend up because the cop wouldn't let me drive.

Well, she finally got there and as I was getting in the passenger side, I broke my flip flop and almost sprained my ankle.. Great luck for me on my birthday.. The infamous Friday the 13th..

I had to work all day on my birthday. Before work, I had to go do the whole tag and license thing. Got to work and things were pretty good.. I was slightly depressed which was just getting worse and worse throughout the day..

I've been depressed for the past 2 weeks. I don't know why either and I couldn't get over it.

Well after work and I did everything I had to do, Lindsey and I went to my boyfriends house. They were having a little get-together and there were a lot of people there. Well, I was REALLY depressed when we got there so I took Adam his D&D sheets and went to the kitchen. I took 3 shots of tequila and had Fox go with me to the store to get some Parrot Bat drinks.. We got back to the house I drank 1 and took two more shots of tequila and then drank 2 more Parrot Bay's.. I was good to go.

I'm a happy drunk. I get happy and energetic and all kinds of great stuff wen I'm drinking which was a good thing because I had been depressed. Only bad thing, I can switch moods QUICK if someone pisses me off. My boyfriend really pissed me off because he told me he didn't like it when I drank because I act different. I was actng happy!! WTF?!?! So that put me in a BAAAAD mood. He just pissed me off because it kind of felt like he was trying to tell me what to do and he wouldn't kiss me because I had some shots. But I didn't taste like tequila because of the Parrot Bay and that also amde me a little mad because I was going to get toothpaste and everything so he wouldn't taste ANYTHING..

He put me in my angry depressive mood and I was about to snap like I did after my brother died. I felt it coming on so I went for a LOOOOOOOONG walk with Roshi, Fox, and Lindsey. I vented and then I felt better. I went to talk to Pyrus and I told him how I felt and how he pissed me off and what's been going on in my head and all that great stuff. Then, things got better. We went out of the room and we sat around with a group of people and passed a blunt around and then smoked out of the hookah. I was goooooood lol. I was happy and high as hell.

Today I'm going over to moms to get my Prozac or some Zoloft until my depression leaves. Because I really do feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack or flip the ******** out.. and that's not good. That's not normal. Gawd I'm so ******** in the head. But we all are right??

I was over at my boyfriends house last night. We were all chillin and having a great time.. Smoking of course. Well me, Lindsey, d**k, Pyrus, and Roshi were chillin in the kitchen just bullshittin while Fox was fixing another hot for someone to take off the G-Bong.. Pyrus and I were at the sink, Lindsey was in the computer chair, Roshi was on the couch (Yes, theres a couch in the kitchen LOL..), and Fox was at the counter standing by d**k waiting for him to take the hit. I had a glass of water (Cotton mouth really blows..) and I kind of zoned out and all of a sudden the glass slipped from my hand and fell to the floor. The cup shattered and water, ice, and glass went EVERYWHERE. I grabbed the broom and started sweeping and everyone was laughing.. We were all high and I thought it was the funniest thing. I felt really bad though. Pyrus walks out of the kitchen and they were all joking with me saying stuff like, "Hey April.. You missed a spot.." and "Well while you're sweeping, why don't you make us somethng to eat.. Make us some pancakes.."

And then I was like, "Really?? I love making pancakes.. If ya'll have the stuff I'll make the pancakes because I really like to cook them.."

And then Pyrus walks in the kitchen and Fox looks at me and say, "Oh yeah, that's right.. You're going to be one of the lesbians that live in my mansion and every morning when I wake up and go into the kitch, you'll be getting it on with another girl while I watch and eat my Cheerios"..

Pyrus got pissed and was like, "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"It was a verbal contract that she made when I get my mansion", Fox told him.

"Wait a minute.. I was high that night and you have no witnesses!" I said in my defense.

Roshi raises his hand.. "I was there!"

I gave him a look. He always comes in with some s**t at the wrong moment. Well, Pyrus leaves the kitchen sounding all confused and mad. After I clean up I go intop his room and ask him if everything is okay and if he's mad at me and he says no but he was still acting strange. I sit down on the floor in the room thinking maybe Pyrus would want to talka bout what happened but it was nothing but silence. I didn't know what to say or do because to be honest, he kind of overreacted. What was said about the lesbian thing happened before Pyrus and I even started talking and he just started trippin about it. Well, we sit there for a good 10 minutes and then Pyrus finally says something I guess to blow the weirdness out of the room. It didn't work might I add. I kind of laughed at what he said and yeah.. Well, we sit there for a little bit longer and the whole entire time, I'm trying to think of something to do or something to say to lighten the mood but I can't because I dunno.. I just can't. Well, Pyrus gets up, walks out, and closes the door and leaves me sittin there like WTF? So, I go back in the kitchen and sit on the couch with Lindsey and I'm just chillin and really upset with how Pyrus was acting and Fox comes in the kitchen..

Fox.. "What's wrong??"

Me.. "I dunno.. After that happened I went in the room with Pyrus and he didn't say much at all and was acting strange and then got up and left so I came in the kitchen.."

Fox.. "Is Pyrus in his room?"

Me.. "I dunno. He left and didn't come back so I got up and came in here."

Fox.. "I'll go talk to him.."

A few minutes later Fox comes back into the kitchen.

Fox.. "I told him the story and everything is cool. He knows ya'll weren't together when it was said so everything is okay. He's not mad or anything about it."

Me.. "Well for him not to be mad, he's acting really weird about it and he did a whole change of emotions thing on me when I was in the room with him."

Fox shrugs and walks off so I go back into the room with Pyrus. We talk for a minute and he told me that it made him feel like second best and a whole bunch of stuff which to be honest, I don't understand how he could feel like that. The joke was made when I wasn't really even friends with him so.. I don't get it. Well, I get up and go over tot he chair he's sitting in, neal down, wrap my arms around him, and lay my head in his lap. We have a few little pecks on the lips but that was it.. He acted like he didn't really even want me in there which really pissed me off because he wouldn't tell me what he was thinking about. Well finally I tell himt hat I had to go and he was like okay. We kiss bye.. and he doesn't even walk me to the door like he does EVERY night. He didn't do anything but sit in his chair. So I go get Roshi and Lindsey and tell them it's time to go.

I got home and I sent him a text message telling him I was home, like I always do, and telling him I love him. He doesn't text me back nor does he call. He normally calls me before he goes to bed. No phone call last night.

I don't understand. I really care about him and it's bothering me really bad. I kind of feel like I'm walking on egg shells now and it sucks. He was acting strange the whole night. Usually he comes wherever I go and chills with me but I felt this huge gap in between us. I wonder if it has anything to do with the whole meeting of the parents.. He's been acting a little weird ever since then. Or maybe it's just me. I dunno. Like Pyrus and Fox said last night.. It might all just be in my head.

I rolled last Friday night.. February 23rd I believe was the date. I rolled with Lindsey, Pyrus, d**k, Fox, Buddah, and Adam.. Lindsey and I took these red rolls with hearts on them. They were great. I was kind of expecting it to be more than what it was. Maybe I should do two next time..

Alot of stuff happened that night.. Well, not really but yeah lol. Pyrus and I kissed for the first time. It was awesome. He's such a great kisser. He told me he loved me as well but I think it was just the roll but he told me again after the roll wore off and a few days later.

I don't understand why he loves me. Don't get why he likes me at all. But you can't help the way other people feel.

I have to go get a shower so I can go and open a bank account now. Woo Hoo.. I need to get my damn tax money back. But yeah.. TOODLES!

I know it's late, but I wanted to write some journals so I got some an entry off of my mySpace..

Have you ever noticed that the majority of the people who hate Valentine's Day are usually the ones who are lacking hmm.. let's see.. a valentine? Even though I'm not in need of one, I still have a strong dislike for this day. In my opinion, it's pointless just like every other holiday.

Holiday's use to have a meaning. Easter represented Jesus' resurrection. But now, Easter is represented by a bunny. Easter use to mean something to people, but now all it consists of are making ridiculous Easter "baskets" full of s**t that you don't need.

Christmas.. In some ways to some people it still represents the birth of Jesus Christ and all that good stuff. But now, it has become a popularity contest. It starts with the decorations. Whose house or tree has the best decoration? Who can spend the most money to do nothing but run up the electric bill and buy pointless s**t that in a few years, you won't feel like putting up again? Then comes the gifts. Who has the best clothes, shoes, or jewelry? That's all people think about. Christmas use to be a time to spend with family, be "cheery".. Yeah, whatever. Now it's just a time to get people to waste their money so you can show off your s**t and try to be better. Think about it, it's true. If not now, at some point in time you did. The best game, the best outfit on the first day back to school, the biggest/most diamonds.. Whatever. It's true.

At Thanksgiving, some people try to do the whole "go around the table and say what your thankful for" to keep the "spirit" alive. I don't even see why it's a holiday. It's just an excuse to stuff your face and not worry about being gluttonous. Another waste of money to buy alot of food, cook alot of food, and throw away alot of food.

I love Halloween so I'm not going to talk about it. Yes it is a waste of money, but it's fun and everyone can enjoy it.

Now to the real topic at hand... Valentine's Day. Waste of money. Valentine's Day isn't represented by love anymore, it's represented by monetary bullshit. You can't buy real love so what's the point in wasting your money? And if the person cares for you like they say, then monetary items wouldn't mean anything to them. If you need someone to buy you stuff to make you feel "special" then I feel bad for you, sorry. For females it's just a day to get your boyfriend or husband to buy you s**t so you "look good".. Cards, pointless. Why write it down when you can just tell them? Candy, bad for your teeth and your body. Roses, great thing that represents everlasting love when they die in a few days. Stuffed animals, if you keep them they'll just sit on a shelf and collect dust. Jewelry, you won't always wear it..

You might ask, "You must want something.." umm.. that doesn't mean you have to buy me anything. Personally, sexual favors would be good for me. LOL only if it's good. If it isn't, then you can bring me some flowers or a stuffed animal or something. LOL.. You don't have to buy someone something to make them feel special or show you love them. Simple things like actually spending time together, breakfast in bed, cooking dinner, things like that. And if you're set on actually giving something, make them something. It comes straight from the heart. Write a song or a poem. Give each other massages, have a stay at home romantic evening. The little s**t is what counts. It doesn't matter how sweet the card is, how many flowers you get, where you're going out, how nice your jewelry is, how much money you spend.. What matters is how you feel about your significant other and the little ways in which you can show it.