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The Life and Times of a Vixie |
Everyone's gotta have a place to unload, right? Well, here, I'll let you d00dz in on what's going on in my life XD...maybe >.> If you're lucky. If I remember. Yeah. |
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Arctic Vixen
Community Member
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Posted: Sat Dec 20, 2008 @ 03:06am
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SS Gifts <3
Listed:  From: PR? I think? XD &3  From: Wyv   Both From: Ferret XD *shakes fist!* &3  From: Starr &3  From: Starr and Shikai 8D  From: I really have no idea ;-;  From: Grey 8D ILU  From: Again, I have no clue D8  From: Pippeh 8D  From: Ferret &3  From: Bulls! 8D   From: Greeey &3  From: PIPPEH ;-; I LOVE YOU  From: Starr XD &3   From: Ferret  From: I dunno? XD  From: Ferret 8D  From: I forgot &3  From: Bullssss &3 &3  From: Grey 8D  From: Chuck Norris, apparently XD  From: Myself..... ....what? XD From: FERRET &3 EEEEE!  From: Emotionless Dream! 8D Thank yeeew Dream!  From: XD <3 *hopes she didn't leave anything out* =O Unlisted: Sh'Karo Full-Custom Giftbox
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Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 @ 05:28am
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Arctic Vixen
Community Member
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Arctic Vixen
Community Member
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Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 @ 03:04pm
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Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 @ 05:45pm
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Arctic Vixen
Community Member
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Arctic Vixen
Community Member
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Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2006 @ 10:38pm
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Getting tired....
Ya ever been in this like...giant emotional roller-coaster rut thing? Yeah. There. Tired of it. I'll try to keep this in..logical order, but it probably won't work. So sorry.
The situation that started all this is just...too long and too weird and too much to go into. But I've liked this guy, my friend, Dixon, since...hmmm....November? September? And so much has happened, so much has thrown us both into this big emotional turmoil thing...but we've grown to be such great friends. He's known from the beginning that I like him, by the way, and I've known from the beginning that he doesn't like me. Anywhoo...because of all that's happened, we went from being friends to being best friends, we've rather quickly moved to the point where we can tell each other ANYTHING - no matter how embarassing, how shameful, how hurtful, whatever. We can say anything, and we say it when it needs to be said, without fear of the other doing anything. We're just...really close, and it's really nice, although it's not exactly what I want - I'm content. And while it's hurt along the way, while I've been hurt many times...I wouldn't trade all that's happened, all the memories, for the world. I truly mean that.
That foundation being laid...
My other best friend, Jenny. She's friends with Dixon too - long story short, I found out yesterday that they now like each other, and they've both known that for at least a week, and so has like...everyone else around me, and that they were keeping it a secret from me. Pissed? Hurt? JUST a little. Now, see, Dixon's been honest with me all along as far as his love life goes - he told me last week that he was interested in Jenny, but...that was all I ever heard. Their excuse was that they were trying to rely on their better judgement, waiting to tell me until it seemed like a good time....well, didn't work out that way. And Dixon of ALL PEOPLE should have known that it would have been wise to just come out and tell me what was going on, and that waiting was STUPID. I just....I don't know. I'm not angry anymore, as I've talked to the three people that needed talking to (Dixon, Jenny, and John), and...I'm just not mad. I REALLY wish they would have told me sooner, so I wouldn't have to feel stupid in knowing that the reason they've been flirting/Dixon's been flirting with her is because they both know something's going on, and it's not just Dixon being Dixon. Had they just told me upfront, I wouldn't have to deal with anger AND pain, because all I've ever asked is for honesty and not to have things hid from me.
Oh, and both of them refuse to go out with one another because of the effect it would have on me, which irritates me. I don't WANT to be catered to - I appreciate the fact that they're looking out for me, but...as I've told Dixon from the beginning, I don't want the fact that I like him to be a burden. I don't want him to always have to watch what he does, watch what he says, etc. I want him to be able to talk to me about other girls, I want our friendship to stay intact. So far, that's all been fine, but we're both scared to DEATH of losing that friendship. And as far as Jenny goes...she'd never dream of going out with him, not with knowing how much I care about him.
I've told them both this - I won't deny the fact that him liking someone else hurts. I won't deny the fact that seeing him with other people hurts. I won't deny the fact that them going out, or me just seeing them together, with the knowledge that she's where I feel like I should be, is already killing me. But...I DON'T want to be catered to. I don't. It makes me feel like a burden, which is only another thing on top of all the other s**t I have to deal with. I want them to be happy - if it costs me my happiness, then so be it. I love him as a friend, and as more, and I love her like a sister.
So now I have to struggle with the knowledge that they like each other, while at the same time maintain both friendships, while at the SAME time try to nurse myself 'back to health'. It's tiring....and I've been doing it for a while. I'm just so scared of what may happen to Dixon's friendship with me - Jenny? I'm not worried about. But..I dunno. That sort of relationship is something I've NEVER had before - he taught me to be open. I don't want to lose that. And as much as people keep telling me to get over him - I can't right now, and I'm sick of people telling me to. I just-....
Wow, you know, this whole thing is probably only understandable if you know the ENTIRE story, which I'm not telling you, so...feel free to comment, buut chances are your opinion would change if you knew the entire thing. Regardless....I feel rather alone at the moment. I know people care about me, I know my friends are concerned for me, I know Dixon loves me (as a friend, obviously, but he still loves me, and I know that after all we've been through), and Jenny loves me, and....I feel like I can no longer talk to EITHER of them about stuff dealing with my feelings for him, because of their feelings for each other. And I'm so scared of losing that friendship. And I'm so fawking emotionally confused right now it's not even funny.
That's all.
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Posted: Wed Jan 11, 2006 @ 04:10am
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Arctic Vixen
Community Member
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Arctic Vixen
Community Member
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Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2006 @ 06:28pm
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Tuesdays with Morrie
Holy Hell. AWESOME book, muh friends o.o Why? I'll show you.
One of my favorite parts of the book....I have several, but yeah, here's one XD
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It is my junior year, 1978, when disco and Rocky movies are the cultural rage. We are in an unusual sociology class at Brandeis, something Morrie calls "Group Process." Each week we study the ways in which the students in the group interact with each other, how they respond to anger, jealousy, attention. We are human lab rats. More often than not, someone ends up crying. I refer to it as the "touchy-feely" course. Morrie says I should be more open-minded.
On this day, Morrie says he has an exercise for us to try. We are to stand, facing away from our classmates, and fall backward, relying on another student to catch us. Most of us are uncomfortable with this, and we cannot let go for more than a few inches before stopping ourselves. We laugh in embarrassment.
Finally, one student, a thin, quiet, dark-haired girl whom I notice almost always wears bulky white fisherman sweaters, crosses her arms over her chest, closes her eyes, leans back, and does not flinch, like one of those Lipton tea commercials where the model splashes into the pool.
For a moment, I am sure she is going to thump on the floor. At the last instant, her assigned partner grabs her head and shoulders and yanks her up harshly.
"Woah!" several students yell. Some clap.
Morrie finally smiles.
"You see," he says to the girl, "you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling."
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Uugh...I can't even TELL you how much I love that XD And my friend gave me the book during a rather rough time in my life, one that I'm still going through - it helpes a lot. To EVERYONE reading this - get that book, Tuesdays With Morrie....so good, so good T-T
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