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everything goes wrong...
Why is it that no matter what I do....nothing seems to go right? People don't seem to understand the emotions that I'm feeling at the moment....That I have been feeling. I feel I'm on the verge of another breakdown.... here are some of the reasons I feel this way so nobody has to ask.....
1) One of my friends is saying he's a month away from killing himself, and I don't know what to do. I can't like tell his parents or try to get him help or anything cuz he lives too far away. I feel useless and worthless because there is absolutely nothing I can do except talk to him, and that doesn't seem to be working.
2) I feel my heart is being pulled in different directions. My heart is hurting from the cruelness that is emotions. I don't know what to do. I'm doubting my feelings towards my boyfriend, and I know I shouldn't but it's hard when your heart is telling you something different....and I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to hurt anyone. And I'm afraid that that's exactly what I am doing.....
3) I feel like I'm a huge mess up, that nothing I do will ever come out right. That nothing I want to do will ever come out the way I want it to. I have failed my friends and my family.....everyone I care about, I've failed them in one way or another.
4) I feel that people are leaving me.....I don't know why I'm feeling this way at the moment. I have Socky, knowing I can atleast get ahold of her on dA or whatnot, but I still feel that way.
5) I feel like hurting myself.....but I promised certain people I would try not to.....especially Roo. He was the first one I promised, and I mean to keep that promise to the best of my ability....but it's hard when you are feeling the way I do. I just wish that there were some people that I know online that I could have next to me IRL.
And those are the reasons.........I'm so afraid that I'm gonna have another breakdown.....they'll try to blame it on meds, but even when I do remember to take my meds (some days I forget cuz of my sleeping habits) I still feel like this. Maybe I'm meant to be misserable for the rest of my life...... Maybe that is my destiny......who knows......*sighs*
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