10. Beg him not to eat you.
9. Inform him that he seems to be the “depressed” Cullen.
8. Go up to him, look him in the eye and ask if he is hungry.
7. Spell his name with two “a”’s (Jaspar) and call him Jaspar Cullen. When he objects, saying his name is Jasper Hale, wave your hand at him and tell him all that blood must have gone to his brain.
6. Tell him only girls feel emotions. Then giggle and run away.
5. Dress up in a cape and fangs and leap out in front of him when he is least expecting it, proclaiming you have come to suck his blood.
4. Send out waves of lust and see how he reacts.
3. When he gets too close, make your fingers into the sign of the cross and cry, “The power of Christ compels you!”.
2. Splatter red paint all over his and Alice’s room and videotape his reaction.
And the Number One way to annoy Jasper Hale?
1. Whenever he says anything, snap to attention, shout “Sir, yes sir!” and salute, army style.
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Daily Life of Rambo
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