I've become a pirate for the following reasons.

1) Pirates have a longstanding reputation throughout the history of mankind for being badass.

2) Pirates sometimes have an amazing fashion sense.

3) They can do whatever the ******** they want.

4) They can hide s**t in the sand and people will look for it. I try that on beaches sometimes, but no one cares what I bury in the sand.

5) They're on a boat.