Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Dude. DUDE!!! It has been so long since I've been on here. 4 years. And I have more kids. For anybody reading this: birth control is important wahmbulance Wrap it up, get on the pill or whatever birth control is out there, unless you want to have a mountain of kids chasing you down and all kinds of stuff lol

Since my last post I got married to Samehada05 IRL heart and had two more babies, a girl and boy respectively 4laugh My kids are a mixed bag of blessings and headaches. I feel like Gaia may be the only place I can be 100% honest about my parenting experiences because Facebook is too much bullshit confused Also I'm back in school. For good until I graduate this time. Taking finance courses and so far kicking a**. Another note: don't let your school overwhelm you with a ton of courses if you feel it's too much. With Westwood (now closed due to fraud and all kinds of other s**t), I was taking 4 classes per term and I almost died from stress. Literally sweatdrop I was in the hospital with horrible chest pains that turned out to be the worst heartburn ever and I eventually dropped out of school. Right now I'm cruising along at two per 5-week session and my GPA is 3.79. Better than high school, bitches xd

I also got into yarn crafts, crochet to be more specific. It takes up so much free time that I don't mind, and gives me something to help me de-stress. I recently made a blanket for a good friend's oldest son and hopefully will get it mailed to her soon. Funny how a lot of us are parents now and it's been ages since some of us logged in. Getting older is interesting whee whee

I might not get on here except to make journal entries, which is fine. I have enough to do without trying to re-dedicate my life to this community. Maybe after graduation I can devote more time crying

This is it for now. I might log on tomorrow and post more of my life some may not care about. But this was fun and I might keep it up. Chao for now, loves.

Prove you are worthy of the Iron Lords!

"Good evening everyone. My name is Westlyn Modean. I am 28 years old and possibly approaching the most frightening prospect I have ever encountered. I am not the tallest woman, standing only 5' even with long ropes of purple hair. I am devastatingly near-sighted and can't go anywhere without my glasses. I love to write and read stories about everything. Just the other day I was almost struck by a slow moving vehicle while I was caught in the climax of one of my favorite old stories. I just so happened to stop in the middle of the crosswalk and the light had changed to my disadvantage. Thank goodness I'm not also deaf or I wouldn't be alive today biggrin

I do seem to have a slight problem with absentmindedness, but I do work hard when it is needed of me. I'm currently traveling the world as I know it to escape an unpleasant situation. Why is it that men always assume that a single woman is easy pickings? I may be quiet and unassuming, but I am never stupid. I don't have very many magical abilities aside from levitation and a strong empathic sense. *lifts a small glass of water from across the room and takes a small sip* Much better. I have pecan colored skin and deep green eyes. I probably should have mentioned that in the beginning, but better late than never smile I also have a secret tattoo and a toe ring. I keep my nails short because I hate scratching myself with them. I am a bit of a bleeder. I love animals and children and my favorite time of day is 2am. I love to look up at the stars and imagine a less chaotic life. Perhaps being so much older I should have grown out of that, but I love to dream and hope that I never grow out of loving my imagination.

I don't have any parents that I know of. Ginger, the woman who took me in as a child, told me that I had been left behind when my family realized I was not the same as them. I have skin that shimmers in dim light, and my ears are not necessarily those of the human persuasion. Perhaps I am a half-ling who was mistaken for a full human at birth. I choose not to reflect on it. I can't afford to be upset by those things anymore I guess. I'm also not much of a fighter. I'd rather talk things out peacefully than resort to violence. Maybe that's why I've been such a nomad these last 6 years of my life *sigh* Oh well. I suppose I'll find somewhere to settle down now that I have reached the beautiful city of Barton. I hope the rent isn't too much..."

This is how Westlyn Modean likes to introduce herself to people. She's very friendly, but would rather not walk up to a stranger and strike up a conversation. She comes from a place where being different is like having an incurable disease. As a child she was hidden from the world to keep her from being experimented on due to her mixed blood. She has a secret that she doesn't want to expose, but fears she will have to explain sooner than she would like...

i wonder if this will work or if the computer will freeze on me. i really hope not. i've been wanting to update this for weeks now.

tatianna is now almost 5 months old. i refuse to talk to or about her father anymore. it upsets me and causes me to do rediculous things that make sense when i'm mad. i said i wouldn't talk about it anymore, jeri, so stop trying to talk about it!! anyway! she can sit up by herself now. i love it. her hair is growing and she's getting bigger all the time. i just wish my mother wouldn't put conditions on when she wants to see her. like, she only wants the baby to stay the night if i stay. she won't come get her and take her to her house. i'm the one who does all the running around. most of the time, i just feel used.

i better hurry up and say what i was gonna say before i decide not to post this. i'm not leaving gaia. i'll still pop up on here every few days, but i'm just not in the mood to be depressed everytime i log on here. seems like the only ppl who talk to me on here are CD, Z, Golden, and maybe a few others. if i didn't include you and you know you talk to me, know that i was thinking about you also.

all the friends i have, besides yucie, i can't hang with because they live too far away and i don't drive or have a car. or my own house. LS7 says we'll have one in june or july. i'm just in a state of blah-ness. i care, but i don't care.

tatianna won't take her nap, and she really needs to. i need to get a job. i think i'll look sometime either next month or march. i got a couple places where i know i might have a foot in. if i could get a job not working all the way out in rockville, md, that'd be great. but i'll take what i can get. i would love if...hmmm, maybe that would work. i need to talk to my older cousin about day care. maybe i could get a good deal. i need to go down the street anyway. that would be great. after i get done with all this stuff i'll get clean and take a little walk.

mm, alone on the computer. wow. not too long since i wrote the last one. i'm getting pretty good now biggrin

the holidays are soon upon me and i didn't even know it. i have one present for someone and i need to go out on saturday. i still need gifts for my brother, mother, two friends, fiancee and maybe aunt tee. i'll see how much money i get later tonight.

i've spent a lot of time running around between south east and north wst the last fe weks. my mom is really demanding when it comes to spending time with taianna. i just wish she could come up here and get her like she used to instead of me running around all the damn time. i need a break.

oh yes...i almost didn't mention that sino smashed up his shiny new car not too long ago. kharma is not nice when ppl are assholes 3nodding in a way, i'm glad he wasn't hurt. he needs to pay his child support payments.

i'm not feeling all too great right now. maybe it's the pants, but my whole body went tingly and i felt light-headed. it was crazy. i guess that's it for now. i'm not gonna let this get too long b/c she's trippin and hasn't taken a good nap.

damn, i need to post more. things have been very interesting since october.

tatianna will be 3 months tomorrow xd she's so big. her ears are pierced. when i took her out to the mall to meet my friend and her b/f, it was raining and cold. plus it was the day before thanksgiving. i don't even wanna talk about what happened at aunt grace's house stare anyway. she was fine up until they got ready to put the marks on her lobes to pierce her. she cried the whole time. and then when they stuck her left ear, her screams knew no end. i had to give her some baby tylenol before we even started. and then she didn't want to have anything to do with me b/c i was the one who held her down while they stuck her. naturally she hated me for conspiring against her, but everything's cool now.

i'm not sure i'll be breastfeeding for a whole 'nother 9 months. she'll be getting teeth soon and i don't know how i'll react the first time she bites one of my nipples. i just hope nothing happens like when yucie bit her mom all those years ago ._.

i'm so jealous of the two ppl i know of who have Wiis. you two know who you are. you lucky you don't live in this area or you'd be getting weekly visits from me and tati. who is very fussy. must be feedin time. it's like she's a bottomless pit or something. but it's cool.

speaking of cool, this house is freezing. i doubt it's colder than outside, but it could be close. i'm goin to mom's tomorrow. i need more sweaters. and a heater that won't cause a power outage on the 3rd floor. i just want to get rid of this little cold that's been plaguing me. i hate being sick gonk

there is so much i need to get done that has to wait. hopefully i can do it all tomorrow while the baby's with mom. i need to buy food and all kinds of stuff. but i can't leave tati with uncle eric b/c he's an epileptic, ken is just unsuitable for anything more than 5 minutes, bink is in the basement, and i don't trust linda. val has her two granddaughters with her, so i'm stuck til sunday. maybe mom could keep her for a couple days. but then she'd want me to stay too. damn i need my own place.

as usual, i am alone online, but i always manage to survive, i guess this time is no different biggrin

six weeks come and gone. i can finally have sex again!! *does a happy dance* i also got some pills so i can actually wait a couple more years before i do it all again. they taste good too. i was surprised. my last set of pills tasted nasty. but these have more of a sweet taste like taffy or something.

surprised Dale Jr is in Jay-Z's music video...hot 3nodding biggrin

anyway. after not too much thought (yeah, i know, it's one of the most important dates of my life and i don't give it much thought xd blaugh ), we decided on April 26, 2007. it will be the one year mark when we started talking to each other again after that one night stand we had back in nov. last year. don't ask. let's just say that everything turned out the way it was supposed to have been like back then. the only way i could be happier is if we had our own place. soon.

i gots my figure back relatively quick. i look like i'm still in my late teens stressed but, i guess there's nothing wrong with that *shrugs* i really need to finish that letter to my cousin and send it to her. she's due in March, and i know she's afraid. hopefully what i have to tell her will help a lot more than what some ppl were telling me when i was pregnant. as soon as my phone is back on i'll call my aunt and ask her some stuff and get some info.

i think the baby's awake! yay! yesterday was not her best day. she wouldn't sleep for too much time up until it was time for bed. i know my mother's on her way up here, i hope she brought what i asked. i hate cleaning tati's nose with Q-Tips. it hurts her sometimes. no, she's still sleeping. if she were awake, she'd fuss and make noise to let me know she's up. if i don't get to her within a minute, she'll let me know she's upset with me *chuckles* she is so spoiled, but it's not bad. only when she gets tired or around her granny (who doesn't want me to tell tati to call her granny rolleyes ). so funny.

i got to take a daytime shower without anyone sitting with her while i was in the bathroom. i'm so glad she's getting her nap in right now. i won't make her go to sleep anymore unless she gets really tired. ahh, the life of a newborn mother...i need some water, so i guess i'll call it a day for the time being. maybe i'll post again when something really fascinating happens *laughs*

i love her so much...she always needs to have me near her. it's almost a little too much to handle at times. i've never had any one person need me for all the things tatianna needs from me. she's 5 weeks old yesterday and has discovered she can make vocal sounds.

this is not one of those entries where i'm all happy and excited about my life and what goes on in it. i'm feeling a little morose this time around. i'm getting married within the next year and the one person i thought would be so happy for me doesn't even acknowledge my engagement. i want to move out and continue on with my life and she acts like it will kill my daughter if i go ahead and do what i really want to do.

my head feels all ******** up b/c i'm still going through my post-partum period. i don't have very many friends i can turn to to talk about everything. most of the ppl who say they want to help are the very ones who try to instigate all the drama that threatens to consume me. i won't even call it drama anymore. it's all straight-up bullshit. my mom, my aunts, my stupid cousins, all of them! they like to help me up the stairs and turn around to push me back down them again.

i realize that i have come to a defining point in my life. if i don't step up and make something happen b/c i want it, i'll never grow to be the parent tati needs me to be. so i'm moving in with dom this week. i'm goin back to mom's to get our stuff ready. she'll just have to be mad. i can afford to not be on welfare now. that's something i take great pride in. i'm tired of being a statistic.

oh my GOD!!!! you won't believe it!!! i survived labor!!! blaugh and i will not be going through it again for another 2 or three years 3nodding it was awful and i had to be stitched up, but it's been three weeks and i'm much better 3nodding

my daugter is so beautiful. and so fascinating. i spend most of the day just sitting around watching her when she isn't crying to be fed. breastfeeding is painful, but necessary 3nodding i advise to do so with caution and a back-up supply of formula. i would've died if it weren't for infamil 3nodding heart

everyone tells me she looks just like me. i love her so much my heart hurts. and she always wants me more than anybody else. my mom likes to tease me and say it's because i'm her food supply rolleyes she thinks she's really funny too.

god my boobs hurt...but anyway. i refuse to talk about sino b/c he only came to see her when we were in the hospital, so ******** him.

and now for the news i'm bursting to say: i'm engaged!!! xd xd dom proposed to me saturday night and i said yes!!! we were at a club and he did it right in front of everybody. i thought i was gonna pass out. it was crazy!

i told my mother last night before she left to go home and she didn't even say congrats. she didn't say s**t. she just humphed and looked all evil and s**t. she's been buggin about me and dom ever since tati was born. she refuses to be happy for me and i know that when i go back to her house the first thing she's gonna do is b***h at me about why i shouldn't get married to dom and that i won't if she has anything to say about it. which she doesn't. i'm 25 ******** years old dammit. i can jump off a bridge and make the baby an orphan if i wanted to. and then she goes around aggravating him when i'm not around. she told him last night that he's not welcome to stay the night at her house with me anymore. and i said fine. it's her house, i respect that. but as soon as he can get his space cleaned out, we're coming right back over here to live with him. i'll have to be back up this way wednesday night anyway b/c i have business up this way thursday.

we haven't set a date yet, but we definitely want to do it before our b-days next year. i have been waiting for him for...about 10 years now. he said it was a late b-day present. he is so sweet!! i'll tell sino when i feel he may want to know. b*****d, even if he was born when his parents were married stare

i know, i know. i promised pics, but i'm workin on it. i just ned to get them developed and see if ronin can hook me up on his scanner. i called him yesterday, but left a message. maybe today i can get a hold of him.

i'm so happy she's finally here. and she's mine! thanks so much for thinking and caring about us. maybe someday i could bring her to canada-land so V, C, S, and Y can meet her. that would be so damn cool!!

well, well, well. what do we have here? scream i'm still pregnant!!!! scream gonk crying i'm so tired of all this. she was supposed to be here last sunday, and now tomorrow is the beginning of my 41st week of pregnancy stare i am not a very happy woman.

my doctor told me last week that i should have more sex to help the birth process. if it weren't for the fact that i like her advice, i'd be getting a bit wiped out. at least two times a day, everyday, for the past week....my stamina is the s**t!! xd blaugh

i'm due for another long a** walk later this afternoon. the only person not ready for the baby to be here is the baby. and maybe her father. i talked to him for a minute the other day and asked if he was ready. he said not really. stare what does he mean not really?!? i've told him over and over that she'll be here and for him to be ready. but then again, i guess T was right and it's what i deserve for gettin knocked up by a child. he better get his head straight soon, b/c when he wants to see her, he's gonna have to give up hang-out time with his friends and everything. his whole life is gonna be changed by her. just like mine has been. i can't drink alcohol for at least 12 more months...which means i can't party on my b-day in 2 weeks. i'm gonna be 25 gonk i'm gettin old dudes.

i now know what false labor feels like. so not cool. thursday i was all ready to have the baby b/c i'd been having crazy contractions all morning. i get there, get strapped to all the machines and can't do anything but lay there for two hours, and then the doc tells me that i'm still at 2cm and that i have to go home stare WTF!!! now it's saturday and i'm still blown up like a balloon and terribly unhappy by the fact that she's not here. of course, it means that when she does come that i'll have to go back to my mother's house crying crying crying crying crying crying crying but it'll also mean that my true journey has begun heart and then i'll have to fight mom about her attachment to tatianna. and when i move out she will not be coming over to stay the night. by then dom and i should be living togther xd heart heart heart

it's funny. my mom had her last child when she turned 25 and i'm having my first at the sme age. i just hope that other ppl won't spoil her too much. then the whole family is gonna have issues with me.

my bnaby cousin JJ is walking!! he's so cute!! he tried to kick me in the stomach while i was holding him yesterday. T calls it infant jealousy. when women are pregnant with a girl, baby boys hate the belly. same for women with boys about girls. i think i said that right. doesn't really matter anyway. as long as i understand what i said in the end blaugh

i guess that's all for now. i'm hoping that the next time i post a few weeks will have passed due to my labor and delivery process. wish me luck everyone and we both love you all! heart