okay so as the title suggests, i’m drunker than i’ve ever been in my entire life. i’m currently drinking everclear and on god i’ve never been so ******** up. if anyone at all reads this s**t then there might be a billion typos in this.

again, today was pretty good. i went out and bought some alcohol at total wine. i got 3 airplane size jack daniel’s and some everclear. i’m not a drinker; as i said in my previous journals, i was a druggie, but i do wander to the drinking side a bit. i guess now is the time i’m just drinking like no tomorrow. the only alcohol i’ve ever had was half a bottle of vodka my brother got me, a full bottle of whiskey he also got me, typical wine, and some grey goose. so i’m not really a drinker, but man i guess this is pretty fun.

my ex girlfriend who’s an alcoholic (hey, i’m not judging), suggested i try everclear. it’s 95-96% alcohol content while most vodka and other spirits are around 40%. everclear is banned in quite a few states, and in some where it’s legal, you have to prove that you’re buying it for use other than drinking such as cleaning. well, luckily i’m in texas where it’s legal and available as a drink, so i said why not and got some. the lady who rang me up asked if i was over 30 and i nervously joked that i was barely over 30, and she chuckled and didn’t ask for ID. so i managed to get on outta there with a full bottle of everclear and some mini bottles of jack daniels.

well, i gotta day, everclear really is strong. my ex girlfriend, autumn, suggested that i pace myself and it could either be the best or worst night of my life. i admit i was nervous, but i can handle it well. apparently one or two shots are enough to make someone go wild, but i’m not overly drunk and acting crazy and i’ve had a couple of shots. i do feel very dizzy and kinda hungry, as well as relaxed, warm, and just in a good mood in general, but not crazy as hell.

i’m just laying in bed listening to suicideboys and writing this. i visit my grandma tomorrow for about an hour and then come back home. i don’t think i have many plans at all for this weekend. maybe i’ll go ahead and get my drivers permit on monday as well as get my original birth certificate and passport picture taken, but that’s about it. learning german is going pretty good i suppose. i think i’ll have difficulty hearing and understanding german, but for the most part i’m doing excellent at writing and just a little bit of speaking. i don’t have anyone to practice with here in texas, so i try and say the words out loud to myself as i go along because science says that so long as the brain has someone to talk to out loud, even if it’s yourself, then it’s very good and healthy and will help you remember things. i’m thinking about just becoming a polyglot since i’m a hermit now. in fact, i’m starting to spend more time studying language than i am fooling around on social media and such.

i really miss robbie. he’s recently been admitted to the mental hospital for about a week or two and i understand that he’s taking some time to himself to recover, which i don’t mind at all and understand, but god i miss him. hopefully he’ll feel better soon.
actually, almost all of my loved ones have been in the mental hospital recently, no joke. in the month of june alone, i’ve been in the mental hospital for 3 days and so has my brother around the end of june.robbie has been in one for a few weeks around the end of june as well, then my friend jaime got admitted for god only knows how long because him and his boyfriend got into a fight and the police found weed on them. the finnish police are very laid back though; his boyfriend is out of jail because it wasn’t a distribution amount of weed and jaime was admitted for reasons i don’t even know. he’s very weird and antisocial, but again, i don’t judge. he also has a killer tattoo; one for pekka-eric auvinen i believe, i have one for adam lanza, and robbie has one of eric harris’ handwritten ‘godlike’ journal entry. all of my friends are unsurprisingly a bunch of murder fanatics, but at least i can say that my tattoo is for a killer that i actually believe has so much more to show for himself than just killing.

well, i’m gonna go take a piss and make something to eat and drink a little more.