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So i was sitting there, i don't remember how many drinks i had exactly but thats not the point is it? No, it's not. I was sitting there thinking about how everything slipps away, not just your sanity, no, not just that but everything. Nothing is ever good. Everything ends up ******** up eventually, am i right or am i right?? Even the 'happiest day of the year' as everyone calls it, yes, even Christmas. I was thinking how that christmas, this past Christmas to be exact, was hell. At 10:30ish at night my boyfriend, who i was head over heels for, broke up with me. There was no warning at all, i thought things were going fine, but no, evidently it wasn't. So he broke up with me becasue we were 'drifting' and because his friend Kim asked him out and he has liked her for a while. My whole family either new about him, or had met him so all Christmas Day i was asked about him and i spent my day in tears. I spent the whole rest of the week in tears. And seeing him at school on January 3rd?? Yeah, hell. I just broke down.
So i was sitting there thinking of this and of everything that had happened since, it's been hell and i want out. I mean if love is like this then i don't want it, i am losing faith that there is such thing, i actually thought i had found it this time and now....... its like a shattered mirror, it can never be fixed. So as i was sitting there, slightly out of normal mind but thinking straight all the same, i decided to give up. Then i thought about it, why give up?? Then the answer came, life is a b***h, it is hell and everything ends up horribly and torn to bits. So why not safeguard yourself and give up. Just let yourself float through life, just don't care and you wont get hurt, you will just go through things and there just there, they are neutral, not good or bad but there.
So i was talking about this to some of my friends and evidently i am not the only one to have thought it, which is amazing to me. So we were talking and later decided i am a philosopher, then Tyler said philosophers were crack heads, so Diane said, Fine then, she is a ******** Philosopher on Crack. I don't know, it was funny then, but its a you-have-to-have-been-there things that makes it funny. But you could at least find it amuzing i guess. But yeah so just go with the flow and your cool. I don't know about you, but i give up on feeling pain.
Love to my friends, X~Kitten~X
P.s.- And when i say love to my friends just on a need to know thing it's different then what i was talking about. I know a mutual love for friends is there, but the bond they talk about in fairytales, the true love thing, yeah, i thought i found it but now i just believe it is total bullshit.

If this is love then kill me now and save me from this Life.

To Everyone,
I am going into my third year of high school and i really don't want to. The reason being that i am afraid of loosing another friend.........
Last year my friend Sallie lost her little sister Annie Rose. Annie was a sweet girl and cheered up everyone. She had a heart problem and she died in the night. She was 13 years old for only about a week or two. Their is a Gazebo at my church that the Youth built in Memory of her. We loved her.
Bobby was a friend i lost right before the school year becouse he overdosed on some hard drugs. Everyone who does anything more than pot his message needs to meet you, he was sweet and had his whole life ahead of him, he didn't deserve this sort of an end and it was very untimely. As our friend Rachel said, "He could have changed the world."
Timmy just died a few days ago. He was found hung, hung in his closet. Police here are investigating wither it was suicide or homicide. He didn't get along with his parents and a lot of s**t happened between him and his stepdad. He was a cool guy and i have known him since 1st grade. It is going to be hard on all his friends until the police find the true nature of his death.
For all who knew them, it's hard to go knowing they aren't finishing out their lives and growing with us and never even knowing what it is going to be like to graduate high school. For those who didn't meet them, you missed out on meeting some of the best people in the world.

This is for them, We all miss you guys and wish you were still here.