|
|
|
|
Do you know why peolpe commit suicide? It's not just because they are weak and feel like giving up. It's not just because they want to get back at someone or just anyone. They are alone. They are so emotionally distraught that they will kill themselves...because so one seems to care about them now. To them...when they are alone...it seems no one cares about them, and all life is doing for them now...is throwing s**t at them. Well, the mind starts to see this...and thinks. Why should I live? What is the point of living when no one seems to care and all I get-eh...they get out of being alive is more pain? So, they descide to kill themselves, and rid themselves of the pain...and no one will care...since no one cares about them when thay are alive. THAT...is the conclusion they come to...before dealing themselves a dis-service...no one will care...and no more s**t...Latez. heart domokun
 Of Life N Death Xun · Fri Sep 29, 2006 @ 09:43pm · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
New account new problems. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm changing my account to: xXx Xunz Reaper xXx. For my faithful readers of my life to know, that way you can continue to hear about my soapopera of a life. Lol.
Problems arise again. Over the course of the week, things went from semi-bad to almost unbearable. I am reposting this in my new journal on my new account as well, so don't get annoyed. Having issues with Ryan, my ex boyfriend. And here is what has hppened to me.
I was backed into an emotional corner. I kept askin' him why he hasn't been treating me very well and he says I am the one with the problem. So, I started to relax and be myself...and...he still was sort of an a** to me. Yet, he still denies it! A lot of people see that he is being an a** to me, and it's not just me, I swear. Then...I found out that people at work were saying s**t about me...and I wish David would go out with me, but he won't because of Ryan. I don't think Ryan wants me to even talk to him or David anymore...I bet his parents told them not to talk to me and stay away from me. He shouldn't have called me that...the officer says that am not a pedifile or however you spell it. It just seems like most of my friends are leaving me...right when I need them most again. I can't trust what he says. I'm hearing the same story from everybody. If I heard a bunch of diferent stories I would ignore them, but everyone tell me the same thing. He called me pedifile to my face before 2 period yesterday...then at lunch he denied it to my face that he ever did so. That's what set me off...and the fact that he just walked away from me like that...it was rude. I don't think he really understands what his actions are doing to me lately. Don't get me wrong...I'm trying to get back at him or get close to him again by wanting to go out with David. I really like David, I really really do. He's a sweetheart! ^^ But everything is hitting me this week and only a few people could tell that I was about to break down.
People at work treating me lile s**t...and MOST people at school doing the same thing. I can't believe that some of my friends are doing this to me, and I've known them for like 3 years. Some I've known for 5-6 years! I also am crying so much because I have all this pent up hate...all this rage and sadness that I never let out. Sure I talked about it with people, because I am open about things like that, but I never really cried about anything or took out my anger...I just acted happy...and acted tustrong so no one would notice. I finally broke down yesterday...and I finally cried for my mother. It's only been 2 years and a month since she comitted suicide and I am just now crying? I felt bad...I needed her guidance in this...but she's not here...and I started to blame myself. I felt as though I should have helped her instead of push her away. This is not an excuse though...just...everything came out at once. ll my pain...all my anger...just bursted out. And you know...I felt as though should have cried about it then, because...I didn't want anyone to worry then, but Isaw that no one cared now either. And they shouldn't. They shouldn't give to shits about me. After all...I'm just a pedifile, right? Just some evil b***h who talks a lot and just out to ruin everyones lives. You know what else? I'm working 20 hours a week...no lie. I'm getting in trouble for being late to class and having detention. The one night I didn't have to work this week was when I was going to do my detention, and someone called from work. They wanted me to cover their shift, and that's how s**t started at work. Because I had to stay after school and get my s**t together. I hardly have time to sleep anymore, because I have to do my homework. No time to et either...then again...I've lost my appitite. I tried to eat something yesterday...and ended up puking it back up. It's scaring me...all this stuff is happening to me so fast. And after all I've been through...no matter what...David still said no...because of Ryan. And after all that...all I want is for Ryan to forgive me,...and for things to go back to normal. I don't care what happens to me anymore...I just want people to be happy with me. I just want to be happy again. I knew I was wrong in hitting him. I shouldn't have hit him...I shouldn't have hit Ryan...
I know what I did was wrong...hitting him. He's not going to forgive me...and I'm afraid to go to school on Monday. I feel like everyone is watching me...like they are waiting for me to slip up again and laugh and jeer at my pain. My friends...I donno. The year my mother died...my two best friends that I ever had...didn't really sem to care that my mother died. All they could do is come and see me for an hour, because they had plans for a movie or something. One of them didn't like something about me earlier on in the year...she ws jealous of me. She turned my other friend against me over the course of the summer. They avoided me...they hung out and left me home all summer long. I needed them...my parents were fighting and I needed to get out, but there was no one there for me. That's why I am so upset now...because I see this happening again...or...it IS happening again. I need help...and no one wants to help me...so I act like this...because I can't cope with it a second time, ya know? My freshmen year...was the worse year of my life...and this past week was the worst week of my life. Sorry...can't help but pour everything out. I keep talking and hoping it will all end soon...but I keep crying. I had to work tonight too...
Now, my appitite is scaring me...a lot. I ate something on Sat. Just a sandwich at about noon. However, when I tried to et something after work...which was about 1:30 a.m....I about puked it back up. I only ate 3 pizza roles and they made me sick to my stomach. I tried to eat this mrning before work...nd I couldn't. I want to eat...I feel so unhealthy for not doing so, but I can't eat right. I finally ate something today...at about 10 p.m. and I felt a little better. I ate a hamburger from McD's and half my fries. I can't take it anymore. Why an I not eatting? Why is everything going wrong...?
Of Life N Death Xun · Mon Sep 18, 2006 @ 05:03am · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm leaving for a while.Not that I was really ever here, but you know. My computer is gay and I'm going to save up for a new one. My dad is going to buy his own and won't let us use it so its going both ways and such. Anyways...been having rough times, but nothing I can't handle considering what I've been through. Anyways...I'm giving people some of my items, but not to keep or sell...case I come back. But even if they do...I won't really care. Still sucks that I have to deal with work and s**t...and summer school. Lol. Eddie doesn't love me anymore, but what can I do? Oh well. Love you all and if you are dying to talk to me, then yeah...call my cell. Tell me your name and then your Gaia name. Hopefully I'll be back. Again, I'll miss you all and love you. Latez. domokun heart
(336) 402-3805 Chelsi.
Of Life N Death Xun · Sat Jul 15, 2006 @ 08:23pm · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, it's been a long time since I've typed anything in my journal, huh? Not much to say though, lol. I went to MoMoCon and saw Eddie! Had the time of my life...but it was short lived. -sigh- Oh well. It was still better than I ever imagined. ANYWAYs! Back to school now and it has been...okay. Always seems longer as the year dwindlws down. Regardless, I was almost fired, but wasn't So now I'm working full time...and I'm tired. Trying to keep up with my grades. Still...4 A's...and 2 C's. Though, one may be a B now, hard to say. I should know by Thurs. Lol. Well, now we are singing again in chorus...I mean new music. We are singing the whole Lion King movie...Letting Go from Jackyle and Hyde...and a few others. Pretty cool I guess, or...as cool as it gunna get in chorus. Still...now I am starting to wonder how all my friends are doing...I mean the ones on here. I wonder how Kain, Vash, Hax...and MANY others are doing now? I have a fewling they my not want to talk to me. Oh well, they'll PM me...I think...if they want to. Lol. I also finally got rid of my stalker. He was almost charged for harrassment and is now...or always has been, the most hated person in school. Well...not much to say other than that. Laterz. heart domokun
Of Life N Death Xun · Sun Apr 30, 2006 @ 03:22am · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yes! I'm sure those of you who read some of my fellow friend's journals already read a post about this a long time ago. Strill, I didn't want to post it till it was closer to the time. I, unfortunately, have to dress up as...>.>...<.<....Sakura from Naruto. AND! Unlike everyone else...I am making my costume! That's right! Lol. Regardless...everyone has spent over a $100 on theirs...and I've only spent...oh...a little over $10! Yay! I can also get more money off it when I sell it because it is real material. Yay! Lol...again. I can't wait till Friday. -sigh- It's gunna be a LONG a** week! ^^ And I get to work on Wed....which is a half day at school. Plus, I get paid that day. Yay for a cool job! Anyways, I still have to dye my hair pink for the outfit and get the headband. I have to work hard! Hmph! Oh well! *Jumps with joy.* Only 5 days!!!! Well, I'll keep you posted...Latez! domokun heart
Of Life N Death Xun · Mon Mar 13, 2006 @ 12:31am · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yay! It was a fun 3 day weekend. Lol. I spent the night at Mi Mi's on Friday and we were drawing on her pants. I drew this picture of Riku, Sora, and Kairi from when they were little. I wrote the following above them, "Hey, we're like the 3 Muskateers! Only...not really because...we aren't...um...gay." Lmao! Well...I think it to be funny as hell. Then I drew Gir! Yes, GIR!!! Then I came over here...at Omi's on Saturday, along with my neighbor Aaron and stayed the night. Save for Mi Mi and Aaron, she had to go home. Then she came back the next day! So did Rocky and Miguel! And we all spent the night again! We played DDR, Halo and I turned everyone into an emo! Save for Rocky...p***y. I talked to Eddie again! YAY! I can't wait till MoMoCon! Again, YAY! We'll now it's Monday. For those of you who don't know, we have the day off for some odd reason. Drew is over here now and we're thinking about ordering pizza again...and I pay for it...again. Lol. Dunno yet. They're all playin' DDR cause we just got done playin' Halo. ^^ *Stomach growls.* ^^; Um...hungry... gonk Well, I'm going to go chew on someone's arm till I am fed! Yay for caniblizim! Latez. heart
Of Life N Death Xun · Mon Feb 27, 2006 @ 06:14pm · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yay! My grades were four "A's" and two "C's"!!! I'm so proud of myself!!! Wh00tness! Also, I GOT THE JOB!!!! I work at Cold Stone now! Again, wh00tness!!! Things are really lookin' up for me! Thanks for readin'. Latez. domokun heart
Of Life N Death Xun · Sun Feb 26, 2006 @ 06:56am · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hey, hey! Been a while since I had a real post in here, huh? No one like to read these damn thing anyway. Beside, I've been so busy and s**t and I'm not allowed ever here all the time. Well anyways to the topic. I applied to work at Cold Stone!! For those of you that don't know what it is...it's an ice-cream creamery. Lol. I went today with Mi Mi to audition. Yes, that's right...audition. In this job, not only do you fix peoples' ice-cream...you have to sing and dance some when they tip you. Lol. So I had to sing iin front of the others that were appling...by myself, then we had to answer a few...random questions. The manager asked someone to tell a joke...o.O Yeeaah. Lmao! It was cool. Then we had to dance some...then get into small groups and sing and dance, or do a skit. I mad up a song using the beat from a red hot chilipeppers song. ^^ Yeah...I'm a loser. I should know by Thurs. if I got the job or not. Hope I do. My grades are somewhat better now. Um...4 "A's" , a "B" or "C" and a "D"...-sigh- I hate school sometimes. Nothing really new. Just had my chorus concert last night and it was a little cool. The sololists were the s**t! I got a call from Eddie last night! YAY!!! I was soooo happy. ^^ Lol. Anyway...nothing going on at the moment. Latez. domokun heart
Song for my Mood: Sum 41, "No Reason"
Of Life N Death Xun · Sat Feb 18, 2006 @ 05:53pm · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A girl and guy are speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle...
"Slow down. Im scared!" she cried
"No this is fun." he exclaimed
"No its not. Please, it's too scary!" she pleaded with him
"Then tell me you love me." he told her in a soft tone
"Fine, I love you, but slow down!" she told him, almost fed up with his antics
"Now give me a BIG hug?" he asked as if he was a little boy
The young girl wraps her arms around the boy in front of her, her face against his back. Pressure was put on his chest for a while before she pulled away from him only to hear him speak once more.
"Do me a favor and wear my helmet. It's bugging me." he told the girl, his eyes not leaving the road, and she did so.
The next day, the newspaper was printed and delivered. Inside was an article that included this...:
...a motorcycle crashed into a building last night because of break failure. Two people were involved, a male and a female, but only 1 survived...
The truth be told that halfway down the road, the 18 year old boy realized that his breaks had broken. Still, he didn't want his riding partner to know. Instead, he made the girl say that she loved him and told her to hug him one last time. Letting her wear his helmet he knew that he would be the one to die. As long as she lived, he was happy with his decision.
If there's anyone you love enough to die for, re-post this in your journal.
Of Life N Death Xun · Sun Feb 05, 2006 @ 05:24am · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
