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Punch
I remember the first time he did it. We were in his car and I remember he was drunk...It happened so fast I'm not even sure if even had happened...but I did know, when his hand connected with my facei slammed into the door and could only manage to say "Oh my god" as Matt opened the door for me to get out.
"Out" he said sternly "Out!" he screamed so loud that the tears in my eyes fighting to come out fell down my face in a sorrowful waterfall. I remember going inside and seeing the look of panic on my mother's face..she knew, I know she did.
"Marie what happened to you!?" She half asked half yelled.
"I erm I just tripped on the curb...it's dark and I couldn't see it" I said panicky and fast as I went upstairs to my room to think. Matt was my boyfriend..wasn't he supposed to protect me? I tried to cear my head by drawing in my notepad but my hand was too shaky to draw with, but then Matt called, at first I my hand hovered above the phone, but then I picked it up.
"Hello?" I asked
"Hey it's Matt" The deep male voice said
"Oh hello Matt!" I tried to say as cheery as possible
"Drop the act" He said
"Wha.." I said but Matt interrupted me
"You deserved that...you were being stupid " He said
"......." I couldn't respond, I mean what was I going to say? Oh yeah of course I was, because you know I am just the stupidest person.
"But I am going to forgive you...so meet me outside in five minutes.
"Y-yes Matt" I said, meanwhile inside my head was screaming..NO YOU IDIOT DON'T GO WITH HIM!
"Thats my good girl" he said and hung up.
Five minutes later I got my clothes on and walked outside "Hey Matt" I said seeing him outside, sweating in the hot summer air.
"You're late" he said
"Oh by one minute" I laughed.
"You kept me waiting" he said seriously
I suddenly realized the seriousness in his voice "I'm sorry" I said looking down, but then back to Matt, with his blond hair, and gorgeous blue eyes, his face was chiseled and I loed looking at it. But then it happened again but this time on my stomach. The punch was swift and surprising..I remember coughing up blood as he reached out and hugged me..the stupid girl..me...I was...every time he would hit me he would kiss me or hug me and I would fall for it again...why couldn't I just rip away..why?
A few weeks later I woke up and realized that today I had to go to the beach with my best friend Jared. I lifted up my shirt and looked at all the bruising and all the welts from the days and nights with Matt. What was I going to do? I decided to try makeup I used concealer....foundation....even body paint, but I could still see then, beneath the makeup trying to get out and tell the world. I looked at the clock and silently cursed to myself..five minutes left. I grabbed a sundress, a pair of tan leggings, a big floppy hat, and the skin colored arm sleeves I found at the costume store. I met Jared outside and he looked at me funny.
"What are you wearing!?" he asked laughing.
"I...don't wan't to get any sunburn at all today" I said panicky knowing that he found out...I know he knew.
"Oh..well okay then!" he said as we headed to his car. While he was driving he looked at me and asked.
"Whats up with you?"
"What do you mean?" I asked almost hyperventilating.
"You love going to the beach usually" he said with a twinge of dissapointment in his voice.
"I...really don't want to get skin cancer" I said almost smacking myself for saying that.
"Just wear sunscreen!" he laughed as we were walking down to the beach.
I gulped and when we got down to the shore Jared took off his shirt and dove into the freezing ocean.
"You coming?" he asked treading water and diving under crashing waves.
"One minute" I said my voice trembling, I realized I was wearing my bikini under this so i took off my sundress and wrapped myself up with a towel. Meanwhile Jared fought the current and made his way back on to the beach.
"Oh come on lets go in together!" he said laughing not knowing the seriousness of my situation
"N-no thanks" I muttered but it was too late as Jared playfully ripped off my towel, and he gasped.
"Marie!" he yelled, but it was too late I was already halfway up the beach when he had time to process the situation..I hailed a taxi and paid him to take me home, and as we moved down the street I saw Jared's teary face break through the front door, and look around for me.
A few days later Jared finally managed to call and I let it ring and ring until the last one,I hesitantly picked it up
"Hello?" I asked
"Its Jared" the voice said
"Hey Jared!" I said trying to mask the sound of pain in my voice
"I don't think we can be friends anymore" he said and then he hung up the phone...Jared was gone....the Jared that had been my best friend since I was born was gone just like that. I finally couldn't take it, I just sat there and cried...I cried for hours before I heard a car door slam and I recognized the voice that called my name. It was Matt.
"I'm coming Matt!" I yelled from my window rushing to get ready as fast as I could, but it was never fast enough..never fast enough. I ran downstairs, only to be met with a fist to the shoulder, at first I screamed, for he dislocated it a week ago, but my scream made him hit me again in the center of my chest. I fell to the ground but I quickly gathered myself up. Then, as usual he hugged me and brought his masculine lips to mine, I melted...why can't I stop this? Why? I got in his car and we started on our way to the resteraunt he always taks me to when he hits me. I ordered my usual and so did he. We sat in silence until the food came..then he said it..the three words that any girl would love to hear...but now these words meant nothing.
"I love you Marie" Matt said dead serious as he looked at me.
"I-I-I" I stuttered not knowing what to do
"Okay?" he asked caressing my face with his hand
"Okay" I said obediantly
"Thats my girl, now eat up Marie before you waste away you are so skinny!" he joked, but I didn't laugh..I just sat there hearing him say my name.
"Marie!" He yelled
"Huh wha?" I asked snapping out of the trance I was in.
"Aren't you going to eat?" he asked looking as innocent as ever, but I knew it was an act
"I'm not that hungry" I muttered as I slowly rose from the table and quckly ran out the door hearing him say my name, but now it had no effect, I wasn't me anymore just and empty shell.
When I stopped running I found myself in front of Jared's house, I knocked then almost punched myself for it.
"Hello?" Jared said stepping out into the breeze suddenly realizing that it was me
"Marie..." he started but i interrupted him
"Why?" I asked
"What?" he said confused.
"Why did you leave me, I needed you, I needed you" I said again and again as I fell to the ground, agreeing to let the blackness take my vision.
After what felt like years I woke up in the familiar room that I knew too well "Jared?" I asked confused because I was in his room.
His face lit up when he saw me awake "I'm sorry Marie..."
"Why did you say that though?" She asked still a bit angry.
"I-I-I didn't want to, deal with your situation." he stuttered uncomfortablly
"What!? I am being abused and you just don't want to DEAL with it, no calling the police? No getting me counseling!?" I screamed as I stormed downstairs and out the door. Jared, was gone, the Jared I knew and who was my best friend, was gone. I ran down the street and into my house, I slammed the door and ran to my room.
"Marie whats wrong?" My mother asked.
"Nothing!" I snapped from upstairs. Then I sat there and thought then without even realizing i was in front of my father's liquor cabinet, I went to my bedroom and slammed the door and I cranked up the music so loud my bedroom was shaking to the beat. I found a notebook and a pen and as I drank I wrote. I felt the pain go into the words as the flooded out of that cheap old pen. The burn from the vodka hurt as I drank again and again, drinking away the pain of the bruises and the heartache from Jared. I woke up the next morning with the sunlight in my face. I had a miserable headache and the sun was not helping my case at all. I pulled up my blankets and I cried. I cried so much and so hard I thought it would never end. I hate Matt but how do I let him go? How do I trust Jared when he left me at the worst time in my life? I heard the door slam which sent a wave of pleasure and terror through my body. I yelled hi from my windpw like usual, and when I got downstairs i braced myself, for I knew his fist was coming, but he didn't touch me..instead, he was actually, smiling. Looking back, I really should have known something bad was coming, but even though my mind said "no" my mouth said "yes".We got into his car and he pulled me close to him and said those damn words again.
"I love you Marie" he said smiling
"Love you too Matt" I grumbled. When we reached the lake I was starting to get scared "Don't you hate swimming?" I asked confused by the situation. He turned around and those eyes, oh those eyes, whenever he was going to hit me they turned from shining blue to night black in an instant. I moved out of the car to follow him, hoping maybe he was just angry at something else. as we started to kiss his hands moved from the small of my back to under my shirt. When I tried to pull away he got rough. He pulled me in closer and started to kiss me more urgently almost like he had to go somewhere fast. I tried to rip away again but this time he slapped me and i didn't move again for a while, long enough for him to steal what was precious to me. Long enough for him to finish off and push me into the lake. "Why?" I asked out loud as I felt his hand push my chest and i stumbled backwards. I tripped over a rock and hit my head, then all i remember is feeling the soft cushion of water surround me, and then I heard a voice.
I woke up in a bed feeling a soft warm hand on mine.I opened my eyes and saw my mother, but I looked away ashamed of all the things she must have seen, the bruises, the cuts, the welts, the scars. I was about to talk to her when a familiar face hesitantly walked into the room "J-Jared?" I asked. Jared looked at me and opened his mouth to speak, but I interrupted him. "Thank you" I said before I melted away into the blackness once again. When I woke up again the hand was gone, and Jared was gone too, but there was somebody in the corner.. it was Matt.
~The End of Part One!~
 gut bath · Fri Jun 03, 2011 @ 03:04am · 0 Comments |
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