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Forgiven (A Yullen Songfic) |
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Warning: Character Death
Couldn't save you from the start. I love you so it hurts my soul. Can you forgive me for trying again? Your silence makes me hold my breath. All the time has passed you by. For so long I've tried to shield you from the world. You couldn't face the freedom on your own. Here I am, left in silence.
I should have known. I should have f*cking known there was nothing I could do when I first saw that false smile. I should have just stayed the hell away like I'd planned, maybe then I wouldn't have fallen for that damn Moyashi-my damn Moyashi. Then maybe I wouldn't be where I am now, holding my breath with him, bleeding and broken in my arms, just hoping to hear him say something. No matter how ******** annoying it might be most of the time, right now I just want to hear his voice but all that meets my ears is heart wrenching silence.
Watched the clouds drifting away. Still the sun can't warm my face. I know it was destined to go wrong. You were looking for the great escape, to chase your demons away. For so long I tried to shield you from the world. You couldn't face the freedom on your own. Here I am, left in silence.
Every time I see the clouds, I'm reminded of his eyes as the life in him slowly bled away taking the light with it. When the clouds clear, I still don't feel the sun. It reminds me too much of that annoyingly happy smile… that bright smile he showed only to me, the one that shone like the sun's rays. I knew how cruel destiny could be; I knew that something would eventually tear us apart. I knew that he wanted to escape the Noah that slowly grew stronger with each day that passed but I never, not even once thought he'd actually go that far. I never once thought he'd go through with it and pay the ultimate price… I never thought he'd take that way out.
I've been so lost since you've gone. Why not me before you? Why did fate deceive me? Everything turned out so wrong. Why did you leave me in silence?
Nothing's the same anymore. No matter what I do I can't help but feel like he's going to come up, give me that annoying, sickeningly sweet smile and somehow lure me into starting a fight-somehow he always managed to piss me off despite how I felt about him. It should have been me and I know it. I should have been the one to go down-the slowly wilting lotus should have taken my life long before he fell but the ******** hand of fate just had to deal him a card he couldn't handle.
Everything should have happened differently. He should have come to me if it was really tearing him apart so much.
He should have let me hold him close and make him forget-at least for a little while, but instead he left me in the throes of heartache without any idea how to get out of it. I swear, I'm ******** drowning in the pathetic emotion but I can't seem to find a way out. I'm lost in it and I know that the only thing that'll help me find my way is his voice… the voice that has left me to wallow in bitter silence with no way out.
You gave up the fight; you left me behind, all that stands forgiven. You'll always be mine, I know deep inside, all that stands forgiven.
He gave in; he surrendered and pierced his own heart with his blade, leaving me alone in this harsh world to fight a losing war without my own guiding light-without my sun, but… I'm not mad at him-I was but not anymore.
I wish he hadn't left me here alone with no apparent reprieve from the silence but I think I understand why. His burden, having the Noah inside of him, having the order brand him as a traitor-it was all too much for someone like him.
I always thought he wasn't fit for this life of seemingly endless bloodshed. He was too kind at heart, too caring for his own good. Why else would he have fallen in love with a b*****d like me?
Truth is; I miss him. His voice, his annoyingly cheerful demeanor, his irritatingly bright smile, his soft milky white skin that I loved so much to mark, that silky, angel-fine white hair… I miss it all but, no matter how hard I try I can't seem to summon even a shred of anger toward him for leaving.
I know why, it's because I've already forgiven the damn sprout for taking his own life-despite decrepit state it's left me in.
The only thought that seems to bring me any kind of solace is the same one that used to keep me up at night and that's the thought that my time draws nearer with every petal that falls and that, when the final one drops, I'll be able to hold my Moyashi once more, because he is mine.
He always was and he always will be. Not even death can change that.
 Starisia the Shadow Demon · Mon Feb 27, 2012 @ 04:04am · 0 Comments |
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