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So I had an amazing conversation with someone called Mosh today on zOMG. I turned it into a story. Here it is.
I hope Mosh sees this blaugh

The Tale of How the Young, Naïve Turtle Became No Longer Young and Naive

One day, the world was peaceful. The mongooses coincided with the grunnies, and the grunnies marched alongside the turtles. The spoons kept out of the way of the turtles, and the wolves stayed in their forest, kept at bay by the grunnies.
This all changed one inspirational day.
On this inspirational day, young Anime Freak (let’s call her AF) had died. Mosh was mourning her passing. “NOOOO,” she cried, “WHYYYY?”
A beep resonated just then. Then the miracle to cause this whole story started.
AF turned into a mongoose.
Mosh gasped. “It can’t be… IT IS! SHE’S A MONGOOSE!”
AF happily made her mongoose noises as she reunited with Mosh. But, of course, AF could no longer speak English. Only Mongoosenese. It’s good Mosh was fluent in Mongoosenese. Mosh tried to set AF free, but it was no good. AF’s mongoose instincts took over and she flopped down. Mosh grabbed a stick and prodded her with it. That was a mistake.
AF turned feral. She grew fangs and ate Mosh’s hair. Mosh cried out in anguish, and AF promptly licked her hand. AF’s tongue warped and twisted into a human. It was Mosh’s evil twin- it had her hair. Mosh and her twin had an epic battle to the death. AF recorded every minute of this battle with her spare mongoose pen.
Too bad it was recorded backwards. Silly Mongoosenese.
AF proudly looked upon her work and realized that she would need to grow plenty of mongoose eyes so everyone can read the tale. She set out upon this work.
She grew very successful marketing her mongoose eyes for just $1,000 per eye (shipping and handling not included). But she was not happy. She could no longer be a mongoose. Mongooses were not very good in the business world. Unlike penguins. So she went to the store and bought some paprika. As she sprinkled the paprika onto her feet, she changed back into a human in that very shop. She triumphantly grew wings and flew to the top of the store.
But AF realized too late that there were wolves at the top of the store. AF quickly injected herself with the G-virus. She changed into a grunny. The wolves quickly grabbed as many spoons as they could. Even though AF was adorable, they took a big bite out of her.
But six more of her grew!
The battle raged.
Just then, Caps Lock, the god of completely everything, descended from the sky. He held his hands aloft. “Stop this fighting,” he declared, “my children!”
A turtle bomb was dropped just then. A sonic boom erupted. Everyone and everything died, even Lord Caps Lock. Only the turtles and the cockroaches survived.
After a few days, two cockroaches gave birth to a grunny. This grunny raised an army of grunnies and became king of everything, allied with the spoons.
The turtles became concerned.
“We must do something!” Lead Turtle announced.
Young, Naïve turtle spoke up, “why can’t we all just get along?’
“Ohohohoh,” Elder Turtle chuckled, “Silly young turtle. The turtles can never get along with the spoons. The spoons are our enemies, they are very selfish.”
“Everyone!” Leader Turtle boomed, “We must give this young turtle emotional scars to open his young eyes!”
“Son, you’re adopted,” Young, Naïve Turtle’s mother told him.
“I tried to abort you, but the abortion failed,” Young, Naïve Turtle’s real mother stated.
Young, Naïve Turtle was so utterly shocked, he went into a coma.
Whilst in this coma, he had a dream.
In this dream, a turtle spoke to him. “Spoiler alert,” it said, “Snape kills Dumbledore.”
Young, Naïve Turtle awoke with a start. “I’ve had a vision!” He roared.
He proceeded to make the Harry Potter series. He was rejoiced by all other turtles, but turned bitter.

This… has been the tale of how Young, Naïve Turtle became no longer young and naïve.