Well I don't know what's wrong. Going through a manic stage after the blizzard? Who the ******** knows. Got snowed in, then left Daemen, might be gone for a whole week... My mother never even called to see if I was alive during all this, though it was a state of emergency in four counties in Western New York. Used to it I guess. Barely talked to Christina at all. She's been busy. I feel neglected and used and alone. Of course, no one from home misses me. No one's called me or barely talked to me. I guess I should give up. Nothing really left for me in this state. Don't even have anyone to talk to about any of this. Once again I'm shoved into the woodwork and ignored, like before. But why am I bothering to tell anyone this? Maybe with the hopes that someone might read it and care?
Well I've done everything everyone's ever asked for and gotten nothing. I get yelled at for not having done enough. I can't do this anymore... It's not fair to me. What happens when I'm not around for you all to use me? At this point, I don't care. I'm apathetic and uncaring. Right now I could be murdered, raped or stabbed and not care. At this point, no amount of therapy, pills, or comfort will save me. I keep feeling this and nothing happens. I tell people and it gets thrown aside and forgotten. I tell people and they don't really care. So why do I bother? Some small part of my heart hopes that this time it will be different. Part of me hopes that I won't be let down again. Part of me hopes that it's all in my head and it'll just go away. Part of me hopes that it's all a dream...
But dreams are all too real. Dreams harm just as much as physical pain. My body aches, my heart hurts. I know it's never going to happen. Nothing that I want will ever happen. It's something in my head, and I'll never get it because I'm made to suffer for my entire life. I'll never have what I want because I'm not special enough. I'm just here until I die from exhaustion and taking on other's pain. I can't say no because it's who I am. I'm doomed to live this until I die. I've accepted it for what it is, and it'll never change.
View User's Journal
Traveling with Rose Lee
This journal will be written in sporadicially, when I feel like it. It will mostly be created to show off things I find online, or to show some of my artwork that is non Gaia related.
|
 |
Rose Lee
Community Member |
||||||||||||||||
Feed Moreena? Please?