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Liam stooped down and picked up another large dumbbell from the rack. “Liam, you sure are a hottie,” he said to himself in the mirror as he flexed his muscles. Sweat dripped off his perfectly parted, bleached blonde hair and dripped onto his purple muscle top. He set the dumbbell down and picked up a can of Gaiapop, gulping it down as he rested on a bench.
He was in the Gaiagym, showing off to the babes by the treadmills. They had been standing in a cluster, giggling and flirtatiously waving for the past twenty minutes as he went through a series of bench presses, P-85-Z-ing, and doing all sorts of other exercises. Still, they stood at a distance. Usually, by now, they’d have asked for his number.
“They must not be human,” Liam thought. Now that he thought about it, they did seem…
“Hey, cutie!”
Liam jerked his head up as a blonde bounced over to him and smiled. She was wearing a pink tank top and black athletic shorts. A red-head followed suit, smiling at him and bearing her pearly white, perfect teeth. The others came, tans and short shorts becoming more and more common.
“We were watching you! You are SOOOOO amazing!” cried one brunette who seemed to be almost catatonic with excitement.
“Can you sign my yoga bag?” asked a blonde who literally thrust it into his face.
“Are you doing anything tonight? Can you come to dinner with us?”
They all chorused in, individual voices indiscernible.
“Well, alright ladies! How about that Italian place in Barton town? You like pasta?” Liam grinned, flipping his hair and drawing a shriek from the throng.
That evening, Liam was putting on his favorite blue sports coat and gray pants when the doorbell rang. Rina was on the stoop, carrying Rufus, who was covered in a pink fabric with flowers tucked into his fur. He gave Liam a pitiful look that screamed “Help me!” as Rina started talking.
“Hey! I heard you got a date tonight! Who is she?” Rina asked, while Rufus rolled his eyes.
“Um, it’s kind of more than one…” Liam said, watching as Rina raised her eyebrows dramatically.
“The ladies’ man with more than one lady… How many ladies? 2? 3?” she asked cautiously.
“About 8-ish, I’d say.”
“Geez, Liam! You’re such a player! Fine, I’m not one to judge. Rufus here,” she indicated the pink furball in her arms, “has volunteered to be your chauffer!” Another eye roll from Rufus.
“Um, thanks Rina. Did you ask Ian if he could come?” Liam asked, glancing at the pitiful form clutched tightly in Rina’s arms.
“No, I didn’t. Rufus is a grown kitty, he’ll be alright!” She tossed Rufus into his arms, then ran off the stoop. “Have fun, big guy!”
Several minutes later, Rufus was sitting on Liam’s bed, de-pinkified and grouchy.
“I can’t believe that girl. Where are we going for your date with eight?” Rufus huffed, picking at his claws.
“You know that new Italian place in Barton town? With the really good fettuccine alfredo?” Liam straightened his tie and inspected his hair.
“Nah. I prefer sushi myself,” Rufus responded.
Forty minutes later, Liam was standing outside of the restaurant, waiting for the girls. He checked his watch, and Rufus sighed.
“You SURE you said eight, man? It’s almost nine!” Rufus whined, pacing up and down.
Suddenly, he saw them; all in glittery short dresses with long eyelashes and high, high heels.
“Well, hello ladies, are you read—“ He stopped as a blaster was pressed into his back by a blonde.
“Come with us and don’t make a scene,” intoned a brunette, her voice monotone and robotic.
“What the—?” Rufus started to say until a bag was pulled over his head.
“Hey!” Liam protested as a bag was put over his own head, and the world went dark.
Liam woke, strapped to a bed with bright lights all around. Rufus was in a bed next to him, still unconscious. He was talking in his sleep.
“Hey, pretty kitty; want some sushi? I’ve got some California rolls… how about eel? You like eel?”
A figure walked into the room. They were unlike anyone Liam had ever seen before.
“Welcome home! I bet you didn’t expect to see us again.”
“Wha—?” Liam croaked.
“You have successfully assimilated into human culture. The Zurg nation is very proud of you.”
“But I’m not a Zurg!”
“Of course you are! How else could you be so attractive to human females?” the figure laughed, and summoned another figure, clad in a white dress, heels, and nurse cap.
“Hold still, Nurse Blugg will help to remove your disguise.”
The nurse clamped a tool on his face and tugged. Nothing happened.
“Hmm… it seems to be sticky. Here, use the extra strong one.”
The nurse pulled an even bigger clamp from the cart and tugged harder and harder.
“OWWWWWWWWWWW!” screamed Liam.
“It’s a strong bugger! Keep pulling! Don’t worry son! We’ll get it eventually!”
“Hey! Dude!” Rufus yelled at the Zurg. “He’s a human! Can’t you tell? He isn’t GREEN!”
“OWWWWWWWWWW!”
“We’re… almost… there!”
The clamp broke and sent the nurse flying backward.
“Told ya. You owe me 50 gold. Pay up, green man!” Rufus laughed.
The Zurg huffed and stared at Liam.
“But… but…”
Liam unclamped his wrists from the table.
“It’s all natural charm.”
Thirty minutes later, Liam and Rufus were sitting in the little Italian restaurant in Barton town after being released by the Zurg with an apology and facial massage on Liam’s part. Across the table sat Rina, clad in a bright pink and orange dress.
“Mr. Waiter! Do you have any vegetarian sauce? Nah, not tofu. Fish! As in, like, salmon?” Rufus interrogated the waiter as Rina smiled on.
“Liam? Why do you have a huge red patch on your face? And where are your eight dates tonight?” she asked.
“It’s a long story…”
 Amoeba Dreamer · Thu Apr 04, 2013 @ 01:12am · 0 Comments |
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