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I lost 6.9k to a charity today. Ironic, no?

Well, I'm hanging around Gaia a lot more lately. Will it last? Hopefully; I've got some time left on Holding Company before I start classes again, and I just got the new crew system running in the NSTG, hopefully that'll start boosting us up to levels where we used to be.

Hopefully flying down to my fiance's again over Memorial Day weekend. Definitely worth the $300 that the ticket's going to cost; hopefully doesn't put a dent in my savings.

Only took about 2 hours running around the main forums to remind myself why I stay with guilds.

It's weird. Ever looked around, and realized just how little was familiar to you? How few people around you have known you for more than a handful of months? Look at what you do, and what you haven't done in months, and wonder why you don't? Look at what you want to do... And realize you can't? And not even know why not?

I dunno. I look around myself sometimes, and wonder why I feel so damned old.

I almost never use my Gaia journal, and I haven't had a chance recently to update it anyway. Actually a few things I need to update here and there... I usually use my DeviantArt journal, for those that pay attention or care. whee

In any case, I was gone from the beginning of November to Christmas Eve. Why? RTC Great Lakes, A.K.A. Navy Boot Camp. Yes, for those of you who missed the discussion, DA journal entries, and signatures, I'm enlisted into the Navy now as an Intelligence Specialist. I'm writing this from my A-school (job training) during my lunch break, and it looks like I'll have moderately good access to the internet, as well as the space to handle models and such for my 40k endeavors, though time for either is the more contraining part.

So in any case, that's me for about the next 6 months, a progress update for all of you.

Cheers,
-DE

Back from places abroad and a long period of not having the motivation to come back to Gaia and face all the responsibilities I had idling. However, now I'm here, and I'm grabbin' it by the horns. Having a bit of a break to sit and share sweet nothings with the love of my life did me a lot of good, especially since I now know that she's going to be visiting soon. Yes, to all the anonymous women out there who have been crushing on me, I am -taken-, hook line and sinker. This especially applies to those of you who managed to find out her information and send her scathing messages.

Anyway, I'm making fixing up my guilds a priority. I'm 1/3 of the way along on my Devil Tail quest, and I can leave that sit a while (not as if I have anything to spend money on, anyway). I've been slacking on managing my guilds, and I'm hoping to polish them back up to the state that gave me my reputation with them in the first place, and exceed it.

That's about it. I'm back, I'm in love, and I'm ready for life. Woo!

-DarkElf27

I had a good break, both for turkey, and from Gaia. ^^;

Basically, I'm back to my whole-heartedly cheerful and optimistic self. My relationship is doing damn good, despite Mykal's pessimistic predictions *grin*. Listened to good music, played good games... Oh yeah, I haven't brought that up in this journal! Yeah, this journal comes kinda secondary to my DeviantArt journal. I update that one a lot more frequently, and a lot more openly.

Anyway, games. I got the Orange Box and the Half-Life 1 Anthology, between which I have ALL of the Half-Life games, and I must say, I'm impressed. I'm about half-way through the first one (I think), and I look forward to progressing. I finished Portal as well, and I found it immensely satisfying. Challenging, thought-provoking, attention-grabbing, eerie in all the right ways, and somehow, immensely cute. Worth buying.

I'm going to get back to my guild duties tomorrow (later today, technically, but after I sleep, 's what I mean). The 40k guild, obviously, is going to get most of that attention; other guilds are just as needy, of course, but I have more time-critical duties at the 40k guild. I've got to start up the Guild Army training again, and push P.3 through to the end, without any more interuptions; I want that done before Christmas. I'm also thinking of starting up a D10-based 40k RPG, and setting that up in the guild. Haven't thought about it too much yet, but it's something I want to do.

The Newbie guild, I need to spend more time there. The staff's been doing a great job of holding it together, but I've been neglecting it, I'm afraid. I need to make more of an effort there, and turn it from a great guild to a superb guild.

And the 3G? The Grammar guild? That's always done a great job of not really needing much attention, it's always just kinda done it's own thing. xd I do need to finish rebuilding it's homepage, but that's about it.

Anyway. Woot! I'm enjoying life properly again.

I'm falling in love again.

And I know, it sounds completely ridiculous; if I weren't in it, I'd agree. It's with someone new, of course, but that's just the thing! I've only known her a couple weeks, yet... It's hard to put into words... This is something new to me, because this time, I'm being loved back, which, now that I'm feeling it, is not something I think I've felt before.

And, at the same time, there're complications. I'm realizing I love her, she's thoroughly implying she feels similarly, but... There's a wide age gap, geography gap, and she might already be taken. I really don't know; she doesn't either. I'm starting to get hopeful, though.

As of Wednesday, I said goodbye to the best thing that has happened to me thusfar in life.

I'm okay with it now. I have a couple friends who helped me bear it, and I owe them thanks. Wednesday night, I spent most of the evening crying, one of my friends put what I was feeling very well.

"Then...it's over. She's made her decisions...evidently for quite some while. And she wants you to honor those decisions.
And you will have to grieve for a time. And there will be some scarring.
Platitudes such as; she wasn't the one for you, is not worth all this pain, there'll be others, let her go, you're sadder but wiser, etc., may all be true from a future viewpoint but right now would probably bring only bitter, scant comfort.
5 yrs ago? You would have been 11? Five years is a major chunk of your life, especially those years. She would have been a cornerstone of those years, influential and familiar. Pull out the cornerstone and the wall crashes down."

Shortly after, I broke down for a while. It was late at night, so I fell asleep despite it, the first time I've ever actually cried myself to sleep.

When I woke up yesterday, I had a different outlook. It was over, but how it ended doesn't undo what we had. We were friends for the longest time, I loved her for a long time, she gave me my very best memories. Days I spent at her house, her birthdays that I attended, games we played together, tender moments we shared... <i>That</i> is what I have to remember. She's gone now, but I will always love her memory.

I know we had good times. I treasure them, I'll keep them inside me. She wants nothing to do with me now, but, months or years from now, maybe she'll think back, and maybe knowing me will have been worth it. Maybe she'll remember some of the good things I did, the good things I was, rather than the bitter way we parted.

"Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed... And when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory."

Lyrics from a song. A youtube to it, here, if anyone's interested.