Before you read all these rather interesting notes, I would like to give full credit to Nails S Kerp for personally typing these. Anyways, Here they are:
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
The status quo sucks.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!
I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn`t mean the circus has left town
The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to ********
Electricity is really just organized lightning
Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell
I`m not afraid of heights, I`m just afraid of falling from them
If someone loves you and they leave and don`t come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve
You can p***k your finger, but you can't finger your p***k
Don`t confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything`s gonna be all right
Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another
Thank you for reading! biggrin
Takayuzaki Community Member 
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