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What's wrong with me?!
I hate getting out of bed. I have nothing to look forward to. All I get is fighting, whining, and bitching from kids. Junior doesn't have to deal with it because he always has somewhere he needs to be. I don't blame him. The man has to work. I just don’t understand what is wrong with me.
I'm not like this all the time. It only happens once every three of four months. I just don't get it. Is there such a thing as sporadic depression? Is it some form of "every now and then" PMS? WHAT?!
Even though I hate getting out of bed, I don't sleep. I just lay there and think about what it would be like to have money, nice clothes, a big house, and a fast car. Then, I get up and see that I have a dirty house, a broke car, crappy clothes, and no money. I look around and think, "Why did I get out of bed for this?" So, it’s back to bed I go.
I hate the telephone. I hate talking to people when I feel this way, but it seems to be the only time people call. I know that they know that I am just ignoring the phone... but I don't care. I used to go walking when I felt like this, but the only place I have to walk to is Mother's. I DEFINITELY don't want to see her! That will just depress me more.
I wish I knew some kind of way to stop this feeling. I can usually tell when it is starting; I just can't make it stop. If the kids would chill out, maybe I could stop it in time, but they just keep on pissin' me off... making it worse. I get so tired and stressed from dealing with their bullshit. I think to myself, "******** IT" and then go crawl in my bed and hide.
I have laid off the weed for a while, thinking that I would be working soon, but now that I have to take a summer class... maybe a toke or ten is just the medicine I need to balance out my brain chemicals.
Yeah, that's the ticket!
Maybe I have too much serotonin pulsing through my noggin', like when my OCD kicks in. I can't make myself get up, but I continually make "to do" cleaning lists because my house is so trashed. (It's not like the little bastards pick up after themselves when mommy feels bad.) Weed inhibits the production of serotonin. Just thinking about smoking a bowl is making me feel "brighter" than 20 of Mother's "mood elevating" pills could do. The only downside is that I have to wait until the brat pack goes to bed to smoke up. And, why is something with so many health benefits so hard to get??
I'm starting to feel better. Maybe it is because of writing it all down, or thinking about weed, or Mom's pills, or that I have one more final to go, OR that the kids have been cool for about an hour.... I don't know. It's quite possible that whatever makes me this way has run its course. After all, it has been about three weeks since it started.
Next time I feel it coming on, I'll pull out my cute little froggy dugout that houses my small stash of weed and see if that can stop the coming invasion of depression... or at least, slow it down. Even if it doesn't work, at least my head will be too "cloudy" to give a s**t.
OH GOD!! I just need to laugh and get happy again.... at least long enough so I can clean this house. Oh well, happy ********' mother's day to me. rolleyes
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I hate this feeling of helplessness that I have right now. How? How am I supposed to handle this? I don't know what to do...
How can I stop it from growing? Medical science is failing her and all we can do is hope.
Hope is a four letter word that I don't use as often as I use the other four letter words. It's all strange to me.
Even when we weren't speaking to each other, she was still somewhere. But what am I going to do when she's NOT anywhere?
I should have been a better daughter.
 Minnie Pearl · Wed Nov 07, 2007 @ 05:20am · 1 Comments |
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I'm a thief... sorta. I stole all the items from my mules... namely Punk and Shaquita and why-u-dress-so-funky. I'll give them some stuff back eventually...but I'm saving up for a lunar cloak so I thought I would sell their (my) stuff. I left Shaquita with stupid blocks to wear (I couldn't leave her naked). I left Punk with the clothes she had on but only because git-r-done (my hubby) asked me to leave her dressed like she was. I just got so tired of trying to run four accounts, all with different personalities... especially now that I am attempting college. Minnie is the oldest so she has rank over the other three. I'm ashamed... but I'll get over it.
Hell, I'm feelin' better already! twisted
Minnie Pearl · Sun Apr 08, 2007 @ 01:38am · 1 Comments |
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Shameless Plug for my Friend. |
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Well, since Punk is temporarily out of commission, she can no longer be an advertising whore for the coolest chick in the world... ANGRYLITTLEDEADGIRL!
She makes the most fabulous stuff, check her site: angrylittledeadgirl.com, her myspace: just look up the name, her online store: angry girl gear, or look for her on E-bay. She's got something for almost everybody, and she even does requests (so to speak).
I may put Punk's sig in Minnie's for a while, until Punk's glitch gets fix, just so I may continue being an advertising whore for her. But for now, I'll just put it here.
Minnie Pearl · Mon Nov 20, 2006 @ 05:17pm · 0 Comments |
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Well, I guess my mind has been made up for me about which account I'm going to use... thanks to a stupid blank box and a evil glitch. Punk rock girl is temporarily out of commission. She's not banned or anything like that, I chose to move her stuff (everything that I could) because some damn glitch with the jigsaw #7 prize and a blank box. I moved it to my storage like a dumbass and now Punk cant get her stuff. So, she's sick, so to speak...
Oh well, I still have my Minnie.
Minnie Pearl · Mon Nov 20, 2006 @ 04:59pm · 0 Comments |
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Hello, this is my journal. Welcome.
First off let me say that although this is my first account, it's not the one I use the most. I may eventually switch back to this one, but for right now.....
Minnie Pearl · Tue Nov 14, 2006 @ 02:02am · 0 Comments |
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