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I remember about a year ago, I made a note myself to stop getting in any sort of emotionally attachment to people, in a relationship wise manner. Why? because the few times (approxiamtely 2) that I've had a person recupricate feelings towards me, and I 'go with the flow', it like signing a contract for inevitable doom. No matter how hard I try, or not, to show I care, it seems to go in the opposite direction. Now don't get me wrong I don't go into any potential situation with that out look, in fact I go in quiet optimistic, but so much for optimism.
Now the only thing I hate about myself, and only one cause I'm not much for self-hate, is my 'certain' emotions because unlike anything else I can't seem to shrug these off. Anything else, that's an outer influence, I can deflect, but emotions are internal and it's like having a wire inside a computer explode, you can't avoid it and it's already past the outer defenses so its' effect is like a nice severe inner heamoraging. It's a development already on the inside and when it blows, its got the effect of a nuclear fall out. And that is why I hate it, because it is the only thing that can hurt me or bring me down, so to me it is like still having a vulnerable weakness in a suit of indestructable armour.
Anyway back to the point, I made that note too myself, after that, things were going great. It's not like I get many women showing they like me back anyway, so it wasn't too difficult. Then a year later around the same time as last year, something happens, except this time it was someone who I just met. Things were going nice, I've had no problem talking about my feelings or problems this time round, so it was all good. Though at the same time it's not like I'm 'experianced' in this sort of thing, so I was worried about scaring the other person and so on, because it seems weather I intend it or not, I'm good at scaring people in person. I mean my own mother and friends have admitted it too me. So what I was trying to avoid I inevitably conceived. I explained my situation and defended myself, and now it's all good.
The one thing though that manages to still perplex me is, why all the affection and closeness in the beginning, if you are enjoying being single? Maybe all I was, was a rebound and a way for you to get your life back on track, or maybe I just scared you away from relationships for the rest of your life xd or maybe once you got to know me more I wasn't such "a great person" as you said I was.
So now I'm back to shutting out all affection of that sorts from people, and maybe I will learn from my mistake of letting people in this time round.
Side note: and don't give me the "oh you're so emo" s**t, I don't write unless I have genuine feelings about something, and it's not often, if ever, that I write about such things. Mostly I keep things to myself, cause internalising and analysing a sitiation from an outside, intellect percpective is how I normally deal with things.
 vampyrblood · Tue Apr 03, 2007 @ 03:30pm · 1 Comments |
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definition of celebrity: 1. A spoilt brat in an adult body, that should either not be alive or giving any attention to, less it encourages their idiotic behaviour. 2. The above mentioned person who also has no idea what it means to actually earn a living, because they are constantly spoon fed.
What kind of a world is it when a cele'brat'y shaving there head makes the ******** news?! There are other things in this world that deserve attention other then some god damned ******** attention seeking idiot getting a haircut. I shave my head every two weeks and you don't see me getting a ******** spot in the news or getting my hair bought for hundreds of dollars on auction. Has this world and media really degraded so much that this sort of thing is put on TV as top 'news'. Seriously all these people are doing is trying to earn some publicity, so heaven forbid should they not have their money handed to them on a silver platter or actually have to earn it, and they'll do anything to maintain this sad state of living, weather it means spontaneous marriage or looking like a ******** monkey! and this in my opinion just proves what a desperate bunch of human beings they are. Seriously, we have enough stupid people in the world without encouraging more idiocy. Someone please shoot these people out of the ******** gene pool, before we all start to devolve!
vampyrblood · Tue Feb 27, 2007 @ 04:28pm · 0 Comments |
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Something I wrote for a friend to use against chainmails |
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1.To chainmails of "blah blah is going to come an sodimize your eye socket with a knife and/or steal you soul" think about it, this sort of soul binding paranormal activity ect would be next to impossible to concieve, do some damn research on these things if you are so paranoid of it happening, and considering that these chainmails get around to thousands and more individuals, do you not think that it would have been picked up by some sort of organisation. Ignorance may be bliss for you, but not to the people who are effected by it
2. To emails with "send this to x amount of people and you will meet the love of your life/ you will have bad relationship luck ect. Honestly if you are having such bad romantic/social problems that you feel the need to send this, look at yourselves or the people you are meeting and go out do something about the situation, it won't resolve itself
3. If you are so paranoid and insecure about something really happening to you as a result of these chainmails, please contact or admit yourself to a psychologist as you might have some underlying problem
and 4. Now about these chainmails of heart warmingness, they are nice it is true, but to actually make the person think you are a genuinley sending them this rather then 'just because it's a chainmail' how about sending it to a select few and re-writing it so it doesn't come off as a generic chainmail-End
lol and maybe I was also using it as an excuse to vent out alittle. I wrote it for her, cause she has warned about 50 times people on her contact list to stop sending her chainmails, she asked nicely, they didn't stop, she warned ascertaviley and it didn't seem to work, so I thought I would give her some ammo xd
vampyrblood · Tue Dec 05, 2006 @ 02:03pm · 1 Comments |
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Holy crap Zim!! where'd all those pink things come from?! |
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Well this morning I woke up and one of my rats, Zim, was giving birth to babies. At first I looked in and thought she had them last night, but then, she was in there and I heard more of them and she walked out with more blood and half a pinkie out. So yeah I have no Idea when there was a chance for the little guys to be consceived or the fact that was pregnant, until today, cause she's a rather slim little girl. Anyway she's had a good handfull of the little rascals, and only two hours afterwards was already jumping around. Well I must say that Dib, the father is looking very happy with himself.
vampyrblood · Fri Dec 01, 2006 @ 11:27am · 2 Comments |
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Update on the site of the Semi-surgical Procedure |
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Not much to say, went back to the surgeon for my check up appointment since the random inflation of doom, and thankfully a needle was able to be used to drain the site cause there was only a little bit of fluid in the site this time round. It was simply a needle in the chest with a large 100ml vial attached to it, I filled three of the things. The area is healing nicely though, and I Have another appointment this wednesday. I have lost a total of over half a litre of blood these past 4 days lol
vampyrblood · Mon Nov 27, 2006 @ 09:45am · 0 Comments |
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Explaination for previous blog |
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I was planning to write this after the previous blog, but I thought I'd write it the next day, makes it look like a have something to write about blaugh
REASON FOR SURGERY OF FUN: Gender Identity Disorder: It is a genetic birth defect that effects the persons concept of self gender, thus making their own gender to identification alittle confusing. What happens is that the person is born with the brain of one gender but born in the biological body of the other gender. So like in my case I have the structure and process of a male brain but was born in a female body. So I am what is considered by society a transgendered male. Yes this has been proven by scientist, by studying brain signatures it is recongnised that each sex has it's own brain signals/waves, giving the concept of 'brain sex' actual backing. This was realised during the study of Gender identity disorder. So people with my condition will have the brain signals of the one gender and the body of the other, making them litrally in the 'wrong' body. However even though it only seems to be gaining more light now, there is evidence of this occurance in many ancient societies, including the Native Americans who call them the 'two-spirited' people.
Thankfully due to my own genetics and my conditioning of my body through the use of my mind, I have never at all looked or sounded feminine. There is a photo of me, with my rat lol at the bottom of my profile, I'll put it here.
vampyrblood · Sat Nov 25, 2006 @ 11:27am · 1 Comments |
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Semi surgical procedure under a local anesthetic |
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STORY OF TODAY: Last friday I had an operation to remove tissue from both sides of my chest, which also results in me being nippleless redface , anyway blaugh today in the space of one hour I woke up to a pleasant suprise, I look down and realise OMFG!! the left side of my chest is a quarter the size of my head!! 1) its kind of freaky to wake and find some part of you deformed 2)it looked freaky in it's self 3)it hurt like hell and I could tell it was inflammed due to some trapped fluid (lots of it). Well shock setting in I kind of have a panic attack with the adrenaline, sweating and nausea, I call my mum for the number of my surgeon and inform her of what is going on *scene missing to cut story short and keep it going* after sleeping from 11am to 4pm waiting for instruction from my surgeon, because she was performing and opertation and was on theatre until 4pm. I get a call to come straight to her office. It took an hour by car (it's alittle far and rush hour just started). Finally got there went in, she surveyed and asked questions. I confirmed that I wanted to get the procedure needed to release it, done there after she told me what was to be done. She administered some local anesthetic then cut open the wound from the operation alittle and used some forseps to get it open, and then well removed the 'fluid' which turned out to be blood, manually by inserting her fingers into the wound, dude she was actually touching my muscle, but it was nessaccary. I assure you it didn't feel too pleasant and my body decided it would go into shock for the duration of the 30minute procedure. Now I've got padding on and a surgical binder, and 2000mg a day of anti-biotic to help prevention. This situation in fact was very strange and not rare but definately wasn't foreseen. Especially as blood sepage takes a number of days rather then 60 minutes and so much of it in such a short time. It was 1) A secondary hemoraging 2)A previously stable blood clot after surgery dislodged and it was basically acting as a plug. However luckily it was veinous blood and not Artery so it was under no pressure. Use you imaginations to see what would have happened if it was wink Anyway that was my day WOOO xd blaugh
vampyrblood · Fri Nov 24, 2006 @ 01:32pm · 1 Comments |
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Juggle corpses with gunshots
