Well this is my fsecond journal my first one was "im new to this this help me plz" lol n00byness
so here we go....
well it's been one year since my mom died and well before it didn't really occur to me that it'll be this hard it kinda seemed like she just went out and she'll be back for a while until it came around june/july month everything just came crashing down
i am really depressed nowadays and there's nothing really i can take it out on anymore i've been super sad of any little thing...i've been going to the daycare...and some of the kids there are like "where's your mom" i told them..well the passed away..and now lately theyve been asking more and more often about where my mom is so i jjust say something like "oh she's not here" i just want to cry my heart out but i do that to often it doesn't really help....i got really sad the other day when my brother came home from jacksonville and my dad's girl friend and him went shopping together to buy my brother's GF an engagement ring the reason i got sad is because i was at the dayacre working my a** of and my brother said he'll take me with him to buy the ring and he took that b***h usually my brother won't go with her i guess from what i know of him but he did it really surprised me that he went with her anywhere...so when i got home they had just goten home by few minutes after me so and they were all talking about what they did and s**t and my heart like died >.< so i just went in my room and crap.
so now im just hurting inside allot and there's never anyone who i can really sit and rant to about it because i have allot of s**t i hold inside and i dont trust anyone at all to sit and talk to.I mean dont get me wrong i do trust people but not much because i've went through to many ******** bullshit and drama and gotten hurt by someone who was very close to me
i had gotten into a bit a trouble with the law at school and i am done with court and stuff theres just one thing they said i should get counseling since i went through so much s**t but really we all say that couseling doesnt help it truely dont it traumatizes me even more so i have 10 weeks of counseling what a pain that will be
i have come to see that i get my feelings hurt very easily at some of the stuff people say to/about me and even some of the stuff that they dont say i guess im just wish i knew how to cope with all these things i try my best it worked over the years just after my mom's passing i guess you can say i kinda lost my good feelings and emotions
my dad has been bitching about me not doing anything in the house for the past few weeks i really havent been helping him cook and stuff i am just that down i feel i want to do it but deep down i just dont want to do anything at all i feel really bad but i dont know it feel as though theres a sheild blocking me from doing anything so all i do on the weekdays is go to the daycare from 7am to 6pm and by the time i get home it's 7pm so that leave like 3 hours to do anything at all
i just wrote this journal so i can get something out there and not eveyrthing inside
I vow not to read it over if i do then will just want to delete it
If you read this please leave a comment saying either you read it or something so i will know that somone out there took the time to read this
so there maybe i will write some more journals as time progresses
hopefully things go well
thanks you whoever reads this now you know....about what i face everyday..... lol
so here we go....
well it's been one year since my mom died and well before it didn't really occur to me that it'll be this hard it kinda seemed like she just went out and she'll be back for a while until it came around june/july month everything just came crashing down
i am really depressed nowadays and there's nothing really i can take it out on anymore i've been super sad of any little thing...i've been going to the daycare...and some of the kids there are like "where's your mom" i told them..well the passed away..and now lately theyve been asking more and more often about where my mom is so i jjust say something like "oh she's not here" i just want to cry my heart out but i do that to often it doesn't really help....i got really sad the other day when my brother came home from jacksonville and my dad's girl friend and him went shopping together to buy my brother's GF an engagement ring the reason i got sad is because i was at the dayacre working my a** of and my brother said he'll take me with him to buy the ring and he took that b***h usually my brother won't go with her i guess from what i know of him but he did it really surprised me that he went with her anywhere...so when i got home they had just goten home by few minutes after me so and they were all talking about what they did and s**t and my heart like died >.< so i just went in my room and crap.
so now im just hurting inside allot and there's never anyone who i can really sit and rant to about it because i have allot of s**t i hold inside and i dont trust anyone at all to sit and talk to.I mean dont get me wrong i do trust people but not much because i've went through to many ******** bullshit and drama and gotten hurt by someone who was very close to me
i had gotten into a bit a trouble with the law at school and i am done with court and stuff theres just one thing they said i should get counseling since i went through so much s**t but really we all say that couseling doesnt help it truely dont it traumatizes me even more so i have 10 weeks of counseling what a pain that will be
i have come to see that i get my feelings hurt very easily at some of the stuff people say to/about me and even some of the stuff that they dont say i guess im just wish i knew how to cope with all these things i try my best it worked over the years just after my mom's passing i guess you can say i kinda lost my good feelings and emotions
my dad has been bitching about me not doing anything in the house for the past few weeks i really havent been helping him cook and stuff i am just that down i feel i want to do it but deep down i just dont want to do anything at all i feel really bad but i dont know it feel as though theres a sheild blocking me from doing anything so all i do on the weekdays is go to the daycare from 7am to 6pm and by the time i get home it's 7pm so that leave like 3 hours to do anything at all
i just wrote this journal so i can get something out there and not eveyrthing inside
I vow not to read it over if i do then will just want to delete it
If you read this please leave a comment saying either you read it or something so i will know that somone out there took the time to read this
so there maybe i will write some more journals as time progresses
hopefully things go well
thanks you whoever reads this now you know....about what i face everyday..... lol
x-Lony.
