It was beautiful, absolutely amazing. I felt happy, I was actually happy. I never thought I could feel like this. It was like all the problems of the world didn’t exist. This was a feeling too good to be true, like it was a dream, a dream I didn’t want to end. I imagined what heaven would be like, and I was afraid to die because this feeling was better then that.
Perhaps I’m moving to fast. You see I’m not a very happy person, if you ever asked my friends about me they would say I’m fun and loud. They think I am always happy. But what they don’t know is that I am never happy. My life is somber; the pools in the back of my mind are filled with sorrow and depression. I don’t like this part of me so I lock it away, but it is always there, always tearing at me to get out.
I searched for my pain and found that I have no motivation, no reason to go on. My life was entertaining my closest friends and without them I have no reason to keep moving. I’ve been living for my friends. I don’t want go through the trouble of breaking in new friends. Why would I take that time if it’s just for show anyway? Why would I live for myself when I don’t even like myself? All I saw was pain when I looked to my future. But she helped me.
When she came into my life it stopped. I know that love can do miraculous things but I never thought it could do this. My sorrows and my pain stopped clawing. I no longer had to hide my pain, it just disappeared. All of a sudden I could enjoy myself. I no longer hated myself, and I didn’t have to pretend to be happy. I was actually happy. She gave me a reason to live, a reason to move on with my life. Her existence actually made me want to exist.
there is one last chapter
that you dont see written
i'll keep it to myself
and bury it within
-Madd
