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I've watched Dawson's Creek for the first time ever the past 2 nights. I got really hooked and decided to download some episodes. I watched the last 2...and cried. Dawson ends up alone. He reminded me of myself in the episodes I saw. A writer, a dreamer....a truly nice guy. Of course he doesn't get the girl. Even when they are soulmates he doesn't get her. I want a soulmate. An ultimate wish to never be fulfilled.
 LifeOnLayaway3 · Fri May 04, 2007 @ 06:06am · 1 Comments |
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Today shall be a hard day. Lots of stuff is running through my mind...I was supposed to be somewhere...I'm here. Just things I don't need to think about. I've become a hermit...I think I envy Wayne and his relationship and life...ever since he moved out,I've ignored him. I'm tired of having to go so far to see him. I guess I think it's not worth it even though I know it is. I'm lonely. It sucks. I don't really know where I am right now. No school this week...no nothing. Just me and my thoughts trapped in this place. I think I'll go crazy now.
LifeOnLayaway3 · Mon Apr 09, 2007 @ 08:21am · 2 Comments |
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1 year ago today I met Kaytlyn....she has been a great influence on my life. I would hate to see where I would be if I would not have met her. It might not have turned out how I would have hoped, but I'm happy to have met her and to know her. Here's to a year of smiles, laughs, cries, and talks.....and to many more to come. I love you.
LifeOnLayaway3 · Thu Apr 05, 2007 @ 04:31am · 1 Comments |
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Terminal and Instrumental Values |
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Ok...so we are doing this thing in my communcations class where there is a list of 18 things and you order them from most important to you...number 1....to least important....number 18. There are 2 different lists here. I'm curious to see what the answers of what my gaia people are, so if you read this please fill it out. I am going to post my answers to it later on so that I don't affect how anyone else answers. Remember, there are 2 different lists.
Instrumental Values
AMBITIOUS (hard-working, aspiring)
BROAD-MINDED (open-minded)
CAPABLE (competent, effective)
CHEERFUL (lighthearted, joyful)
CLEAN (neat, tidy)
COURAGEOUS (standing up for your beliefs)
FORGIVING (willing to pardon others)
HELPFUL (working for the welfare of others)
HONEST (sincere, truthful)
IMAGINATIVE (daring, creative)
INDEPENDENT (self-sufficient, self-reliant)
INTELLECTUAL (intelligent, selective)
LOGICAL (consistent, rational)
LOVING (affectionate, tender)
OBEDIENT (dutiful, respectful)
POLITE (courteous, well-mannered)
RESPONSIBLE (dependable, reliable)
SELF-CONTROLLED (restrained, self-disciplinded)
That's all of list one....now list two
Terminal Values
A COMFORTABLE LIFE (a prosperous life)
AN EXCITING LIFE (a stimulating, active life)
A SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT (last contribution)
A WORLD OF PEACE (free of war and conflict)
A WORLD OF BEAUTY (beauty of nature and the arts)
EQUALITY (brotherhood, equal opportunity for all)
FAMILY SECURITY (taking care of loved ones)
FREEDOM (independence, free choice)
HAPPINESS (contentedness)
INNER HARMONY (freedom from inner conflict)
MATURE LOVE (sexual and spiritual intimacy)
NATIONAL SECURITY (protection from attack)
PLEASURE (an enjoyable, leisurely life)
SALVATION (eternal life, exaltation)
SELF-RESPECT (self-esteem)
SOCIAL RECOGNITION (respect, admiration)
TRUE FRIENDSHIP (close companionship)
WISDOM (a mature understanding of life)
There you have it. So um...repost this in your diary if you would like. I'd really like to see what people thing. I will post the answers to mine in a day or so.
LifeOnLayaway3 · Fri Mar 30, 2007 @ 03:45am · 2 Comments |
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It was getting late in the evening by the time Daniel entered the dark and lonely house. It had been a long day of searching, both for clues, and within his soul. Daniel had never been a mean guy. He was considered to be a friend by all whom had ever met him. But not things were different. He was having evil thoughts. Thoughts of rage and anger ran through his mind constantly. Thoughts that would make a normal person go insane only made the smirk upon Daniel’s face grow. Since it was so late in the evening Daniel decided to wait about doing anything with the phone number. He wanted to call it, but he knew that he had better straighten out the things he wanted to say beforehand. Daniel grabbed a pad of paper and a pencil, and sat down at the kitchen table. He began making little notes to himself about the possible conversation that he could soon be having. “Ryan…I must be Ryan. I must find out who was with him. I must find out who killed Amber!” Daniel stared at the name Ryan written upon the paper. The rage inside him seemed to boil over just from looking at those four letters. He snapped the pencil he had been using into pieces and threw it across the kitchen. Daniel decided it was time to get sleep. He knew that the promise of a new day also held the promise of a step in his plot for revenge. Daniel turned out the light in the kitchen and climbed the stairs to his empty bedroom. “Soon it will all be made right. Soon they will feel the pain” were the last words Daniel uttered before his head hit the pillow and his eyes closed for the night. His dreams were filled with bloody and painful schemes of revenge. He had not had such a good night sleep in a long time.
As the sun shone in through the bedroom windows, Daniel began to stir. He threw the blankets back and rose to his feet. It was 10 A.M. Normally Daniel didn’t sleep so long, but with the thoughts of someone named Ryan dying is several painful and bloody ways, it was easy to sleep late. Daniel made his way around the bed and to the bathroom. He turned on the light and looked into the mirror. Daniel was surprised at what he saw staring back at him. On the surface it was just his reflection, but for Daniel it seemed like much more. Where he used to find a smile or a joyful expression, Daniel now saw fury. He also noticed that it seemed like he had aged several years in the past few days. Daniel knew this wasn’t true, but he could not help but see it in his face. He thought very seriously about punching the large glass mirror but decided he didn’t want the mess. Daniel turned off the light of the bathroom and headed down the stairs. The notes he had written upon the pad from the previous night were still sitting on the kitchen table. Daniel took them into his hands and read over what he had written. Seeming pleased with himself, he picked up the phone from the wall. Daniel reached into the pocket of his overalls, which he had not changed in days, and pulled out the piece of paper with the phone number on it. He reached towards the phone and quickly dialed 555-2332. After four rings, a female voice answered on the other line. “Hello?” the female voice questioned. “Is this Kelli?” Daniel asked in return. “Yes it is. May I ask who is calling?” Daniel grew eager. He wanted to get the information he needed as quickly as possible. “This is Ryan. We met a few nights ago.” “Ryan? Wow…you sound rough. Is something wrong with your voice?” Daniel realized his gruff voice must have sounded odd for that of a supposed young man. “Um…yes my voice, I had a long night last night. I suppose I’m a little hung over.” Daniel was not sure if this response would settle well with Kelli or not. He waited for her reply anxiously. “Hehe...silly, you should know better than to try to call a person so early in the morning.” She had bought his lie. Daniel knew he had her right where he wanted her. “Yes I guess I should know that, but I just wanted to ask you some things before I forgot. As I’m sure you know, I was totally wasted the other night. Do you know how I got home? Because I lost my hat and I was wondering if maybe I left it in someone else’s car.” Kelli laughed once again. “Oh gosh, I think wasted was an understatement. But um yeah…Brandon took you home. Brandon took you, Erica, and Amber home. Even though he shouldn’t have been driving either, he was totally the least wasted of all of you.” Daniel froze for a moment. “Amber?” he thought to himself. For a slight moment his hardened surface turned to putty. Just the sound of that name made him weak. “Are you still there Ryan?” Daniel heard Kelli ask from the other end of the phone. “Um yes Kelli I’m here. Sorry about that. I was just thinking about something.” “Well that’s cool. So um is there anything else I can help you with?” Daniel thought. He now had names, but if he could squeeze anymore information out of this call it would be very helpful to him. “Actually yeah, I don’t think I have Brandon’s number. Could you give it to me so I can ask him if he has seen my hat?” Daniel hoped this didn’t sound too off the wall. He knew it was a risk asking such a question because there were so many counter replies to it. “Um…sure Ryan, just let me find it right quick.” Daniel had hit the jackpot. He was hard to hold back the excitement he felt, but he knew that he would be able to release it soon enough. “Here is it. Ok ready? It’s 555-1350. You get that?” “Yes Kelli I got it. Thank you very much.” “No problem Ryan. Hey, when are we going to hang…” The receiver clicked off. Daniel had what he needed from Kelli. There was no need in making small talk.
LifeOnLayaway3 · Fri Mar 23, 2007 @ 10:35pm · 0 Comments |
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Friends closest to Daniel and his wife would tell anyone that something in him changed that day. Normally a happy man with a smile on his face, Daniel became an expressionless figure in the eyes of most. Even at his wife’s funeral, Daniel seemed to lack emotion. The tears that had streamed from his face on the night of her death were now ancient history. At the gravesite, as the minister gave his final accounts of Amber’s life, Daniel could be seen sitting next to the grave. The same disgruntled expression could be found upon his face. While family and friends passed him by to tell of their regrets and sorrows, Daniel’s eyes never wandered away from the mound of dirt next to him. Daniel had not even changed his attire for such an occasion. He was still dressed in his old blue overalls and the very same boots he had used to kick in the car window only a few nights before. Once everyone had left the graveside area, Daniel rose to his feet. He made his way around all of the flowers scattered about his wife’s grave, and found himself standing directly in front of her headstone. “Amber Turner 1970-2002” was inscribed upon the slab of marble. Daniel took a long hard look at the words and ran them through his mind repeatedly. He thought to himself “32 years. She had so much more she wanted to do. She had plans for us.” Even with these thoughts, the expression upon Daniel’s face still remained unchanged. A slight chill had hit the air as the sun was beginning to set. Some leaves from a nearby tree blew past Daniel as he stood thinking. He lowered himself to one knee and curled his lips to speak. “I’m sorry Amber. You did not deserve this. You were always a great wife, whether I made you realize it or not. Without you by my side for all of these years, I don’t know where I’d be.” As Daniel began to lift himself from the ground, another thought crossed his mind. He walked to the headstone, placed his hand upon the engraved name of his wife, and uttered “I will make them pay.” With these words he turned and walked slowly from his wife’s final resting place.
Daniel had promised revenge to the one person whom he had never lied to. Still he was unsure as to how he would get that vengeance. Daniel had not been able to see what kind of car had caused his wife’s accident, he did not have a tag number to go by, and he could not even describe any details of the four figures he had seen on the bank. This did not bother him though. A normal man might have just given up hopes of any form of revenge at this point, but Daniel was as stubborn about this as he had ever been about anything. On the day following the funeral, Daniel retraced his steps from that fateful night. He could still see the footprints that he had made in the mud as he ran to the aid of his dying wife. He discovered an earring lying on the path. Daniel guessed that it must have fallen from his wife as he had carried her home. Upon reaching the pond, Daniel turned his attention to the bank where the car at been sitting that night. He was hoping the passengers had left some sort of clue behind in their rush to escape his glare. Daniel climbed the hill and began to closely scan the ground around the area. Daniel found several small items including a soda can and a paper bag, but they all looked as if they had been there for a while. He did however find numerous beer cans that seemed to be rather fresh. Daniel thought to himself “This must be why they swerved into her lane”. Suddenly Daniel struck gold. Stuck to the side of an empty beer can was a note. The note read “It was nice meeting you Ryan. I hope we can hang out again sometime soon. Give me a call at 555-2332, Signed Kelli”. Daniel was not sure how exactly this note could come into play, but he did know that he now had a name and a phone number to work with. Being satisfied with his findings, Daniel returned to his home to sort things out.
LifeOnLayaway3 · Wed Mar 14, 2007 @ 02:51pm · 1 Comments |
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So I was sitting in chemistry and I really wanted to write because the whole rp thing has me wanting to...but I didn't have anybody to write, or know anything...so I just kinda started a story. I'm gonna go back and add more details and stuff, like what kinds cars and such....but I thought I'd share what I've got right now. It's not like my normal writing stuff so far...the whole rp thing has me wanting to do mystery type stuff. Anyway, here it is.
He watched the raindrops gather on the windowpane and run to the bottom. A tiny smirk crossed his lips. He could not recall the number of times he had sat in that very spot, staring at that very window. A feeling of déjà vu was not uncommon in his life. Still, on this day he would have welcomed the usual unexciting routine.
His name was Daniel Carver. He was a middle aged widower living in a small Kansas community. Often seen wearing ragged overalls and dirt encrusted boots, Daniel was very much a loner. He lived on a small farm about 45 minutes outside of Topeka. Daniel was a small man, not in height but in build. His demeanor usually found people making judgments of him very quickly. The attributes that seemed to stick out most about him were his wild, uncontrolled hair that was usually hidden under an old baseball cap, and the hard, disgruntled look that seemed to be set in stone upon his face. It had looked that way since the death of his wife five years earlier.
Amber Carver, as her gravestone reads, had been on her way home from town on rainy night, when she saw a car cross into her lane. She had swerved to avoid a head-on collision, but her tires caught a slick spot in the road, and her car sailed uncontrollably over the curb and into a nearby pond. Amber was knocked unconscious from the impact. She never had a chance to escape her watery deathbed. Perhaps the worst thing of all is that she was less than a minute from home, and Daniel had been sitting there in his favorite spot watching the whole scene through his living room window. When he saw Amber’s car fly off the road and into the pond, he leapt from his chair and ran to the door. The screen was thrown from its hinges as Daniel rushed to the aid of his wife. Even though he grew closer to the spot where the car had come to rest, Daniel felt like his running was inferior. Upon finally reaching the pond that he and his wife had walked to many times, Daniel dove into the water head first. The lights of the car could be seen shining beneath the water’s murderous surface. Daniel swam to the lights of the car and dove down. He grasped the handle of the driver’s side door and gave it a mighty tug. The door refused to budge. Daniel rose back to the surface to take a breath. As soon as the air filled his lungs, he was beneath the water again. This time Daniel was not going to waste time with a stubborn door. He made himself parallel to the window and began kicking it with his steel toed boots. After two strong blows, the glass shattered. Daniel desperately reached inside the window. He found Amber’s limp body lying in the seat. Quickly he unfastened her seatbelt and pulled her through the open window. Daniel kicked for the surface with his everything. He knew that if his time had not already ran out, it would be running out shortly. After what seemed like an eternity, Daniel’s head finally broke the plane of the water’s surface. He pulled his wife’s body upward and began kicking his way toward the shore. The boots that had been such a help to him before had now become a burden. At last Daniel was able to stand in the water. He lifted Amber’s body into his arms and trudged towards the grassy bank. Upon reaching the grass he gently laid his wife on the ground. Daniel placed his ear against Amber’s chest desperately searching for a heartbeat. His ear received no response. Daniel began to perform CPR. He tilted his wife’s head back and gave her a breath. Her lips were cold and purple. Daniel then gave Amber three chest compressions and checked for a heartbeat once again. There was still nothing. For several more minutes, Daniel repeated his futile efforts at saving her. The rain hitting his face was making it hard to see. Daniel realized there was nothing he could do. Tears began to mix with the rain in his face. He did not know what to do. Suddenly Daniel noticed something he had not seen before. The car that had caused his wife’s untimely death had stopped. Through the rain and the tears, Daniel could see four figures standing at the top of the bank looking down upon him. The moment he saw them his expression turned from grief to the angry, disgruntled look now carried everyday. The four figures, startled by a now returned gaze, scrambled to open the doors of their parked vehicle. Before Daniel could utter a word, the car was speeding away. Daniel tried to make out the tag number, but through the tears and the rain it was utterly impossible. He picked up the body of his dead wife and began to carry her back to their home.
That's all I finished before class was over...I'm going to cut back into present day time soon. I'm gonna go back and add more details later and then I'll repost the updated stuff.
LifeOnLayaway3 · Mon Mar 12, 2007 @ 09:30pm · 0 Comments |
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Tastic has become my new word...I'm not exactly sure how it all came about now, but somebody told me something was fantastic or something but they like were slow in saying it maybe so it was like...that's fan...tastic! So yeah...I'm like saying things are tastic now. Um...comedy show tonight. Super excited/nervous about that. It's a first for me. Never really done such a thing infront of people. I think all should go well though. Umm...it has been an eventful week. Apartment stuff....one friend in Jail, and another friend pregnant so I'm gonna be a God father type thingy....Just had a chemistry test....I felt like yawning at my teacher and asking her if that was all she had. I finished it in 20 minutes. I love it when people give me the evil eye for finishing so quickly. Pretty sure I got my 3rd straight 100 on a test too....like I don't think there is anything I could have possibly missed. I have a speech later today. It is on the 4 step bowling approach. A little nervous about that, but since it is about bowling it helps me to not be as nervous as I would be on a random topic. I still need to do an outline for it, but I might just tell her I forgot it at home or something and wait to turn it in on Monday. I'm not much of an outline person. I like to go with the flow. It is really hard to practice the 4 step approach when not at a bowling alley. I tried it some last night just to make sure I was doing it right, and it is hard to get your timing down...I found myself wanting to do 1 and 2 step approaches...those don't even exsist! I'm so glad it's Friday. I haven't been sleeping well lately. Luckily I can sleep late tomorrow...woohoo for having a boring life that allows you to sleep late on the weekend. Um yes...so this has been a tastic entry. I rather enjoyed it.
LifeOnLayaway3 · Fri Mar 09, 2007 @ 01:40pm · 1 Comments |
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Sitting in the library. We had a lab in chemistry today. My partner and I were the first ones done once again. He doesn't really do anything, but I like it that way. I'd much rather have the control. I can work faster that way. I was told I should be a Chemistry teacher. I suppose I am pretty good at it. Actually, really freakin good. The teacher tells me to sleep. It's funny. She dressed up the other day as a Mole...asked if I was awake to see it because it wouldn't be happening again. I was awake. I wasn't tired that day. I still found it funny that she said that. I have a speech to give on Friday. It's my first actual speech in speech class. We had an introduce yourself kinda thing, but that was no big deal. I'm doing it on the 4 step bowling release thing because I figured it would be good to do it on something I was good with. One of the steps in giving a good speech is being familiar with your topic. I can't get much more familiar than that. I couldn't sleep at all last night. No clue why. I know I was tired. When I finally did fall asleep, I had this weird a** dream where I was playing this like gambling pinball game...and like I got a big spin where I had the chance to win a lot, but the right side flipper button messed up and people were yelling at me about how to fix it, but I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't hear them. I wonder if I was like moving my thumbs in my sleep? My dad had a dream that he was in a car rolling down a hill and he told my mom to crank the car but she wouldn't do it. He kept pushing the brake pedal but it wouldn't work...then he woke up with a cramp in his leg. I found it funny. I've been ignoring people again. I haven't done anything with my brother in like 2 weeks. I was over at Wayne's house Friday night. I was supposed to go back Saturday, but didn't. I was suppose to hang out with Josh on Friday too, but I couldn't do both. I haven't been answering my phone. I told Josh it had been messed up all weekend. He had left some mad messages. I can't say that I blame him. Our speech class teacher is supposed to be back today for the start of the speeches. She has been gone for like all but the first couple weeks of the semester. Her mom has been in the hospital and she's had to take care of her. Totally understandable. I don't like the guy that teaches for her when she's not there. She was a fun person who got us involved...he reads from the book...so boring. Finally remembered to cut my fingernails this weekend. After slicing your ear twice in one week, it's kinda hard to forget. I've been into Everclear songs lately. Not sure what the attraction is. My brother's gf is 18 and he is 29...I should be dating her instead of him. She's not my type though. He's going to end up being one of those guys who dates girls that he is old enough to be their dad. He doesn't look 29 though. I think this whole *looking young* thing runs in my family. I've sworn off shaving. Josh got me carded at the movies...that pissed me off...so no more. Well I'm sure I will eventually, but I just wish I could grow something that looked decent so I could hang on to it. Grr I envy those who can. It's the Indian blood in me. Not much there, but it keeps you from growing a whole lot of hair. I have something that looks like mud on my pants. Not sure where that coulda came from. Haven't ate anything, so it's not food. Maybe I got something on me in the chem lab. I'm tired. Don't remember if I said that yet. Doing a comedy thing soon. Hope it goes well. We are having an Easter play at church. I'm in it of course. I think I could so be a great actor if I wasn't so shy. I have the charisma for it. I get into my characters. I can't remember the name of the guy I'm playing, but it's a good part for me. Slightly humorous...that's how I like it. Finally got something in the mail about my class ring. It's good to know they have it. They were supposed to call me when they got it, but whatever. They said it should ship back to me on Mar. 3rd, so maybe I will get it sometime this week. I'm looking forward to being able to wear it on my right hand. That was how it was supposed to be from the beginning. If I woulda known it was free I would have gotten it resized sooner. I want to play some poker. Feels like it has been forever. Wayne never has time to play though with his job. I was over there for like 6 hours on Friday night...he finally got there about 11...and I left a little after 12. And he wonders why I never come over.....that's just one reason though. It's a long way to drive...and plus he never makes the effort to come see me, so why should I make one? He claims he never comes to my house because he can't smoke...it's true he can't smoke, but you would think he could go a few hours without one just to spend some time with me. But whatever. This isn't about him. I've played some poker online. I won a couple tournaments in the past week. Not too bad for the amount of time I've played. Not much at all. Halfway to 21...that's crazy. I don't feel it. 21 is no big deal to me though. If you don't drink, it's really not that special....it just means that people who do drink and aren't old enough to buy it will bug the hell out of you. No way I'm doing that though. People know my stance on drinking and why I have it. I will like the being able to go to casinos part. There is one like a little over an hour from here. I don't think it's that big though. Probably just some slots, and I'm not into that. I want to play some poker at one or some blackjack at least. I will sometime in the future though. If I have the money and the time, I think I'm going to try to go back up to that high rock place again this weekend. I asked Joe if he would go with me and he said sure. I think the moon should still be...kinda big...not full but big...by then, so that should give us some light to see on the trail. I want to take some pictures, but I don't know if he still has his camera. This is very random. I dunno how I wrote for so long. I meant for it to be like something short, and it turned into this blob of stuff from my mind. Probably won't be read, so it doesn't matter. Maybe I just needed to get it out there.
LifeOnLayaway3 · Mon Mar 05, 2007 @ 03:00pm · 0 Comments |
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