I am twenty years old as sit here and write this, if anyone willingly reads it I admit I shall be genuinely shocked. To those of you who do not really know me I am gay. . . Openly gay to anyone and everyone not caring if they hate gay men or love them. I have made friends with Homophobes and bashers through out the few years that I have been out of the closet so to speak. Though they were standoffish at first over my orientation some if not most had come around to accepting me for being who I am. I have never had any problems with gay bashers nor homophobes but when I was younger I did have an issue with my weight and the reactions it carried. . . now I am and always have been a big guy about the waist and have taken plenty of jokes for it. From getting beat on many many times to being ignored by my classmates and having to be by myself quite often though I had a few friends Clayton and Francis though the friendships ended rather poorly. . . Clayton went on to Cheenney Tech I stayed in main schools me and Francis had a falling out and my dad went to the cops saying he was harassing me. It was at that day that I officially became silent on how I found certain guys attractive especially Clayton i thought he was the cutest guy I knew! My dad filing the report said the main reason was Francis was gay he said he knew the kid was a fagot. . . I realized at this point to my dad being a 'fagot' was bad and wrong. But I didn't realize that it was what I was, then again I was only thirteen and lived a very sheltered life and this was only the second time had a notion of what it was because he reacted the same way once before. It was only a few months earlier and ABC News was broadcasting a special on the homeless in California saying that many were children who had been abandoned or disowned by their parents because of their sexual preferences. My dad said good. . . he said Good they deserve it. I didn't know then what it meant to be gay or anything else I just always knew I was different then other people and unsure of myself all through out my childhood. Then again I also had a medical condition but shall we not go into that there are plenty of other embarrassing moments in my young life including sexual referenced ones. Now as I said I never delt with anyone who hated me for being gay but hated me for knowing everything else is a different thing. Everyone trusted me with plenty of dirty little secrets from how bad their boy friends where in bed to who they had sex with of the same gender. And believe me as many people who will tell you that they would never kiss someone of the same sex. . theirs about ten times as many that have and will lie about it. Its funny you know the least expected people like the jocks and tough guys are more likely to experiment especially int he locker room such as a local vocational school here in my home town of Manchester. Most of the guys there are gay or bi sexual then again the ratio is practically twenty-five to one.
Well Guys I will write more later on its my life
Captain John Steel Community Member 
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